Venting Kind of sad that nobody will miss me?

[rat.girl]

This is going to sound very childish but I just need to vent about this. Maybe get some feedback to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts.
So the other day I learned that somebody I went to high school with died of an accidental OD around this time last year. I went to her facebook page and read through hundreds of posts from people, posting pictures and talking about their memories with her and how much they miss her. People are still posting on her page almost daily and it has almost been a year. I got very sad reading all of the posts, because I know that when I ctb I will not receive this much love. I'm sure some of my family members and old friends from school will share their condolences in the beginning, but I have gotten to a point in my life where i have burned all bridges. I have no friends anymore and only occasionally talk to 2 of my family members. I know it's bad to feel jealous of someone that had their life taken from them, but it just really hurts my heart that I will not be remembered like she was. I have been nothing but a nuisance to everyone around me since I was 14, if anything I'm sure people will feel some relief that they dont have to worry about me anymore. I'm sorry if this doesnt make any sense, it has just been weighing really heavy on me lately and i had to talk about it.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I wouldn't worry we all experience the green eyed monster at some time in our life, your probably be surprised by the lovely messages people will leave for you, but I would try and concentrate on the present and try to build bridges with family and friends your not speaking to if that's possible or try to make new friends. We all make mistakes when we are young, unlike me I hope you can learn by them.

 

[21Neberg]

Don't worry about sounding childish and certainly don't be sorry. I can relate to what you say. I think it's normal to want to be remembered. Good on you for venting your thoughts, hope you'll feel better.

 

[jgm63]

Well, rat girl, I'm willing to bet that on ratbook, there would be thousands of posts in honour of you.....

But in other news, each life is unique.
It doesn't matter if one person has more facebook posts than you.
Anyhow, if you decided to CTB, then *I* will miss you, rat girl. So there.
And if you decided that, then perhaps you would make a goodbye thread, and have many posts from other rat friends made here.....

But then again, perhaps you might decide not to CTB......

 

[rat.girl]

Well, rat girl, I'm willing to bet that on ratbook, there would be thousands of posts in honour of you.....

But in other news, each life is unique.
It doesn't matter if one person has more facebook posts than you.
Anyhow, if you decided to CTB, then *I* will miss you, rat girl. So there.
And if you decided that, then perhaps you would make a goodbye thread, and have many posts from other rat friends made here.....

But then again, perhaps you might decide not to CTB......

It really means a lot to hear that. Thank you ❤

 

[Darkhaven]

I understand, and it will happen the same thing to me.
But you should look at things from another perspective: by killing youself you won't be feeling sad nor rejected anymore.
Even if you aren't as remembered as you'd probably liked to, at the same time, you won't feel the inherent sadness of it.
So, i guess, it's kind of irrelevant if people care about us or not.
The ones that are cared and remembered for more than a year, like the girl you mentioned, are in the same place/position as the ones that die alone.
Hope this helps, hugs!

 

[moonsafari]

This is going to sound very childish but I just need to vent about this. Maybe get some feedback to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts.
So the other day I learned that somebody I went to high school with died of an accidental OD around this time last year. I went to her facebook page and read through hundreds of posts from people, posting pictures and talking about their memories with her and how much they miss her. People are still posting on her page almost daily and it has almost been a year. I got very sad reading all of the posts, because I know that when I ctb I will not receive this much love. I'm sure some of my family members and old friends from school will share their condolences in the beginning, but I have gotten to a point in my life where i have burned all bridges. I have no friends anymore and only occasionally talk to 2 of my family members. I know it's bad to feel jealous of someone that had their life taken from them, but it just really hurts my heart that I will not be remembered like she was. I have been nothing but a nuisance to everyone around me since I was 14, if anything I'm sure people will feel some relief that they dont have to worry about me anymore. I'm sorry if this doesnt make any sense, it has just been weighing really heavy on me lately and i had to talk about it.

I don't know you, and I've barely met you but I want to make sure that anyone I meet on these forums who passes will be remembered forever. Getting loads of attention after my death wouldn't really matter to me if I had just one friend who truly, truly loved and cared for me or my small family to remember me.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

The only thing that I care about is to ctb. I don't care if anyone will miss me or not.

 

[whereispeace]

The only thing that I care about is to ctb. I don't care if anyone will miss me or not.

I wish I had that mindset. One of the main things stopping me from CTB is that I'm worried about other people's reactions.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I wish I had that mindset. One of the main things stopping me from CTB is that I'm worried about other people's reactions.

Dito, I will be fine once I have ctb as that's it game over peace, but I do worry how family will take it but on the other hand we all die and it's my decision when and where.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

You are straight up admitting you've been hard work... You may be incorrect if you have low self esteem and people close to you take advantage of that flip it round and blame you for all their problems. My point sorry is that you're not inconsiderate to others.
It's a shame if few people care for you and you want them to, but do you go out of your way to help and care for others? Even then you're very lucky in life if you have above 5 people who truly love/respect you unconditionally. People who mope over Facebook mourning pages are mostly just looking for likes and to expand their social network. That might sound cynical but it's true.
The real mourning is behind closed doors...
A family member sitting in a dark room staring into nothingness wondering how it all went wrong for you, how they could have intervened Said/done something to help you. Not friends of friends saying on Facebook RIP secretly enjoying the gossip and change of conversation whilst simultaneously talking about their weekend with other friends.
We're all born alone and die alone at the end of the day. I hope you get over this feeling I know it's difficult.

 

[alwayssearching]

This is going to sound very childish but I just need to vent about this. Maybe get some feedback to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts.
So the other day I learned that somebody I went to high school with died of an accidental OD around this time last year. I went to her facebook page and read through hundreds of posts from people, posting pictures and talking about their memories with her and how much they miss her. People are still posting on her page almost daily and it has almost been a year. I got very sad reading all of the posts, because I know that when I ctb I will not receive this much love. I'm sure some of my family members and old friends from school will share their condolences in the beginning, but I have gotten to a point in my life where i have burned all bridges. I have no friends anymore and only occasionally talk to 2 of my family members. I know it's bad to feel jealous of someone that had their life taken from them, but it just really hurts my heart that I will not be remembered like she was. I have been nothing but a nuisance to everyone around me since I was 14, if anything I'm sure people will feel some relief that they dont have to worry about me anymore. I'm sorry if this doesnt make any sense, it has just been weighing really heavy on me lately and i had to talk about it.

You make sense to me; I can relate to a lot of the things you are talking about. I bet a lot more people will miss you than you think. But I understand you're feelings because I share them.

 

[Funeralprincess]

This is going to sound very childish but I just need to vent about this. Maybe get some feedback to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts.
So the other day I learned that somebody I went to high school with died of an accidental OD around this time last year. I went to her facebook page and read through hundreds of posts from people, posting pictures and talking about their memories with her and how much they miss her. People are still posting on her page almost daily and it has almost been a year. I got very sad reading all of the posts, because I know that when I ctb I will not receive this much love. I'm sure some of my family members and old friends from school will share their condolences in the beginning, but I have gotten to a point in my life where i have burned all bridges. I have no friends anymore and only occasionally talk to 2 of my family members. I know it's bad to feel jealous of someone that had their life taken from them, but it just really hurts my heart that I will not be remembered like she was. I have been nothing but a nuisance to everyone around me since I was 14, if anything I'm sure people will feel some relief that they dont have to worry about me anymore. I'm sorry if this doesnt make any sense, it has just been weighing really heavy on me lately and i had to talk about it.

I'm seeing this late but wanted to respond. Don't be fooled by all the love that person is getting. Do you know how many people utilize someone's suicide to make themselves look like good people? A LOT. Many of those people could be posting there to feel good about themselves and let me tell you how I know this.
I've had a lot… and I mean A LOT of suicide attempts. My one from last year was spread all over the place and people thought I was already dead, right? Well when I got out of the hospital guess what I found? There was an entire social media thread dedicated to me. One would think that's so sweet, but it isn't. People on there who literally bullied me and harassed me, people who knew me through a third party, and even my ex abuser all commented saying how they loved me and cherished me, and that they were "so close" to me. Half of these people were lying! I wasn't even dead, but my attempt was found out by a friend I thought I could trust and it was told that I died. My point is, people posting nice things doesn't mean they love or care about that person. Most people that comment are trying to make themselves feel better. It's kind of like when random people show up at someone's funeral (yes this does happen lol) and they claim to have been super close to said person who died, but really they hardly knew them.
Condolences are nice when they're genuine but I highly doubt that person was immensely close with all those commenting and so, do not read too much into it and make comparisons. You may have burned bridges, but if you have a mental illness, I'd say it isn't your fault. Mental health is grossly misunderstood and often the actions of mentally ill people are dismissed and ruled as rational choices when most times thats FAR from the case.
You have flaws, but that's every human. Don't be upset if you don't get lots of messages and love like that after you die because trust me, it hurts seeing people who never even gave a shut about you pretending to just so they can say they commented on your obituary

 

[Mary5689]

I will be miss you, angel ❤❤❤