Xdyzine
Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
- Nov 19, 2020
- 66
Long time lurker and first time poster here, so first off I'd like to say hi to this wonderful community, I've never had the courage to sign up or post anything before but felt I needed too during this past week which has been hell for me. The thought to ctb has practically been in my head since the past four years. Being diagnosed with beurgers disease and Raynaud's really shook me but I managed the best I can during these 3 years but my stupid self always found ways to self sabotage and in order to keep working and just function daily I started using benzo's which have messed me up real bad now. I skip work alot and haven't been to work for over a week now cause I'm trying to taper and get off the benzo's , it's a nightmare not being able to function daily and looking for other ways such as alcohol. All of this makes me feel like a complete failure. Messed up career, my friendships, my own sanity and everything in between. Can't feel anything anymore and at the point where I just don't care. I wish I could ctb everyday and even right now... Just had to let this out. Sorry for the long post but the suffering has to end somehow.
