keeping ctb from ppl

[iwanttodie000]

It's really hard to plan to ctb and execute it when you don't live alone. I set my date this past weekend and have so much to do to prepare. But just a few days in and I'm already finding it difficult to do that with my partner here. My partner knows I have depression/mental health issues, but no idea about me ctb. How do I get everything done when I'm not alone? And it's not only getting everything done, it's acting normal like nothing is wrong or different, which I do with the depression all the time, but ctb is way different to try and act like nothing is up. I think I can manage getting the gun without them knowing and hiding it somewhere, but the suicide note, the gun classes etc are going to be hard to hide. Also, realizing we'll be doing things and going places for the last time as well is a bit of a mind fuck. It's going to be difficult to keep my mouth shut about all this and hide the prep, but I have to or this will be foiled in no time. Ugh.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I don't know how to hide the feelings well either. Maybe you could say the gun & lessons are for protection?
I know when I thought I was going to attempt to ctb a couple times, I had feelings that it would be the last time I would do some things. It was emotional. But I'm to much of a pussy.

 

[iwanttodie000]

I don't know how to hide the feelings well either. Maybe you could say the gun & lessons are for protection?
I know when I thought I was going to attempt to ctb a couple times, I had feelings that it would be the last time I would do some things. It was emotional. But I'm to much of a pussy.

It's definitely tough. I couldn't get away with the gun and lessons for protection, they would see right through that as I've never even talked about it. And knowing my history with depression (they just have NO idea how bad it is), it would raise flags. I set my ctb date for 5/31, first time I have ever actually set a specific date. 3 months is a long time to act like nothing is going to happen every day and just go about daily life, but I also need that time to prepare to make sure it will go smoothly ... which is hard when I'm not alone. I am trying to make this easiest on the few people I love, but it's tough. Hopefully I can make it work and stick to it, or maybe I'll have to change methods to something a little less tricky.