Why do you have to settle for who you are? Why do you have to be attractive for someone to like you?
Unfortunately, you "have to" live in your own skin regardless. And it's incredibly frustrating when you were trapped into an existence that didn't need to be so cruel. Or when people continuously ruin that existence for you. Intentionally. Just to be SELFISH.
You don't have to be attractive for someone to like you… the problem is that looks aren't everything, and everyone is so god damn narcissistic and cruel… it wouldn't matter what a person looks like. Some people are just ugly inside and out. The "most attractive people" can be some of the most cruel.
Why can you only be attracted to certain people and not others?
I guess it's just a "game" to people. They all want it. They all throw it away. You say that you're alone, or you aren't, or whatever excuse, and they all just "try harder." And it's sad. Until you "give up." And that's not fun either.
Mind over body. But you know… that's what makes it all so difficult. Sickos go for vulnerable people. Vulnerable people go together. They all fall apart. Repeatedly.
Can't you find better people? Sure but where are they hiding? Oh that's right, they all left each other behind. Sure, groups dissipate but I mean at the same time.. it's bad. It's bad because this life of exclusives only shit is sad. Camaraderie is dead.
When people have problems in their lives and they are working through them… people don't help them. People tear them down.
Why cant you settle for what you dont find attractive?
It's not worth the trouble. I have tried to get away from something terrible only to see the bastard drag me back and continue harassing my classmates and I. Or any "friend" I had. Fucking sicko.
And the hard part is when you're trying to leave a situation without being rude. And the person does it to you anyway. And you're like… no. And then it's just push and shove and push and shove and then the same explosive shit.
Why cant you have the only thing you truly want?
Because life is seemingly "cat and mouse."
Well do everything except this one thing. And keep playing games. So it's actually pretty fucking sad isn't it?
Why cant you be okay with not having the only thing you really want?
It can be "okay" but it's not okay when people push push pick pick poke poke prod prod and do the same shit. Playing games with "stuff" instead of the person getting what they needed. Playing games with bribery and lies. People who repeatedly do this. And then their little games again and again.
Matt herrman. Gimme gimme gimme gimme.
That shit needed to stop and my idiots decided to enable the fuck face himself.
For me. The only thing I really want… it will never occur. Damage done. Repeatedly. It was done repeatedly. So fucking annoying. Sad. Childish. The childish shit people pulled. And shoved. And pushed. And the entire thing… garbage. Fucking horrible people in general.
Why life can get to a point where you dont have anything and you know you will not be able to have anything?
Because life is unfortunately not an inherently good thing.
Because people do that to people to hurt them.
People "want" people to work harder and harder and harder for nowhere to be nothing. They want to see the "potential" and then find a "breaking point" and use that repeatedly to harm another. They feel people out and hurt them. Then tell them to get a new one, try again, work harder, so on. Well. The harder you work you are still in a "box" of hell and frustration: because of bad people. Because of bad family. Because of bad things that happened and you finally "give up" repeatedly because people are PESTS.
Why cant you just drop dead when your existence serves no purpose but to burden others?
Unfortunately there is no real off switch. And if there was, people would still tell people to "suffer" and "make it as hard as possible." Or, people will target the person for the "off switch", and that's when you ask.. what the fuck? And then they say… well… welll…..
Why do you still want what you are unable to have?
You know. It's gone anyway. The entire thing… fucking terrible in general.
Why cant you just leave it all behind?
You can. But the problem is that everything haunts and taunts. And if it doesn't, it will manifest in the next situation. With the psssssssst….shut this person down, shut them out, destroy their life, make them work harder again and again, try again and again, and again…and then do it again and again. Fucked up, isn't it?
Why are you still alive when you have no future?
Good ask. So many are. People say, make a future. But it's "impossible" for some because of others. Passing time. There's a "future" but we wonder how to "change" it. We can and cannot. People are crazy. And just the wonder. Change is constant; but some things are more "permanent" than others.
Why does it feel like you have been engineered through life to get the worst outcome possible to ensure the maximum misery and keep it that way?
No kidding. Some people have intentionally caused harm and distress to that point. To the point of "no return." Because of bad families, crappy jobs, bad peers, whatever. Or some people do that on purpose because they want a person to try to "stand up taller" or repeatedly struggle without being "able" to get anywhere they "need to." Sadism.
Why some people have it all good and some others have it all bad?
Because some people really are very lucky, and others, not so much. Also, it's outside looking in, versus inside looking out. People are very invasive and cruel. People are shit talkers. People are the opposite of that they could be. They break promises all the time. And then expect something better to happen. It's sad. It's sad because you watch this go on and ask yourself.. what the fuck?! The point… man. Problems.
Why it is impossible to get out of being stuck at no fault of your own?
Why does all of it not matter at all?
Because people say it's your fault regardless. And then they say it's a choice. And then they say it's "cool" or "funny" and it's not.
It doesn't matter at all? Because people are selfish. I think about the church at age 13 or so and everybody that was doing drugs etc would go "hang out" there. I remember thinking… I don't want to be selfish.
I remember sharing soda with people I didn't like because they were druggie people. And then just giving them the entire soda anyway. Hard to say no because of the same thing I dealt with a toxic mother. I remember trying to "profile" why people are selfish. I don't really understand how or why. I had so much "stuff" and I knew it wasn't making me happy… all my mother wanted to do was have "stuff" and make me stuck. And she still didn't love me. Same thing, oh, we just add insult to injury. And you know. Point was to give it all away. It was easy to do so but not when others persuaded people to hand it to those people which I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to drink poison and it still never saved my ass. Nothing got better.
For all the money and wasted time.. exactly the same battle at 19.. and repeated stupidity and troubles that were not worth the "fight." Stupidity. Like the dude that kept using "stuff" that was sentimental to hurt me. Matt herrman. Gimme gimme gimme your phone, your pussy, well, I'm a sex offender, I don't care how it hurts you. He was evil and I wanted out and I should have known his crazy fucking ass would've kept it up and kept it up and kept it up, I needed help, you know? To get the hell away from the fuck face.
I get someplace "better" and narrowly duck, dodge, avoid tragedy and it strikes regardless and it's all about the relatives and their crap instead of my needs. Which was very fucked up. Then it kept going until… seemingly… no matter what.. people kept playing snoopy invasive insulting rude fucked up… boy oh boy. Not funny.
