So basically I am believing that ctb means catch the bus... or end it all.... i am not even sure but im going to go with that....
My story about why i found this website is a long story.
short story is my parents were very toxic made me depressed and confused and made me have a wrong perspective on life and reality.
I ended up talking a girl into an abortion after she lied to me saying she could not get pregnant. she was lying. Tables turned when the girl manipulates me into getting a vasectomy at 19 years old because she will only get the abortion if i get it.
I had it in my mind if i did not get vasectomy she is going to not get abortion and since she was already talking about it and saying things like "cant wait to get this parasite out of me" i thought that if she had the baby it would be born with defects and have a life time of suffering.
I was also lied to by many people including the doctor about how safe vasectomy. Vasectomy is not safe. It has ruined many peoples lives. There is a forum about it called post vasectomy pain forum with thousands of people describing there nightmares.
I have discomfort from the vasectomy every day and it has taken away my ability to run or jump or lift weights. Feels bad because i used to be a really really good basketball player.
It has been 5 years since the surgery/day my life was ruined and it has been quite the journey. I would say that i am in control of my life now. I am salvaging what i have left.
I was addicted to marijuana ever since and even before the surgery. Finally i was able to quit and beat my addiction 2 and half months ago. What helped me quit was realizing marijuana was only masking or postponing my problems. When I am high i feel good (sometimes worse) however I just get sober and feel awful. Realizing that on my own I can release dopamine (which is what marijuana partly does) I can feel good without it. I also read a saying "master the art of breathing and you will have the strength wisdom and courage of 10 tigers" so breathing and focusing my mind taking control of my thoughts is what gave me the power to quit drugs.
I have attempted suicide a few times however I was no where close to being able to kill myself because i tried hanging with a belt and the pain was over whelming. The natural instinct to breath was over powering. I also tried to cut my arm off and I was going to burn myself to the ground (crazy idea i had when i had intense psychosis from marijuana and thought aliens were out to get me so i had to kill myself) except I just slashed my arm with my knife and made a few scars and realize are skin is built like armour.
I have talked to lots of people about suicide. My stance is that it should be absolute last resort.
If you are backed against the ropes in the boxing ring of life.... if there is still hope or a chance you should fight. Fight to win. or fight to fight.
I watched this movie a few months ago called Resident evil (2002) and there was a scene that really got to me.
So basically this guy and his team are being swarmed by zombies and the one guy gets separated from his team and has to climb up onto a pipe to get above from the zombies/vampires and he checks his gun sees what he has left to fight with and he emptys his revolver into his palm and he only has 1 bullet and i think he says "just my luck" then he does the unthinkable. ill post the video again i dont know what the rules for posting videos are i dont know how to make it a spoiler. just watch this.
/spoiler
yeah that movie is really good i definitely recommend it if your bored.
Also recently i watched this video about this guy who jumped off golden state... usually i don't like story's like this however this one i have to say had a drastic effect on my life and how i see things. It really has changed my perspective. Definitely worth watching if you haven't.
My story about why i found this website is a long story.
short story is my parents were very toxic made me depressed and confused and made me have a wrong perspective on life and reality.
I ended up talking a girl into an abortion after she lied to me saying she could not get pregnant. she was lying. Tables turned when the girl manipulates me into getting a vasectomy at 19 years old because she will only get the abortion if i get it.
I had it in my mind if i did not get vasectomy she is going to not get abortion and since she was already talking about it and saying things like "cant wait to get this parasite out of me" i thought that if she had the baby it would be born with defects and have a life time of suffering.
I was also lied to by many people including the doctor about how safe vasectomy. Vasectomy is not safe. It has ruined many peoples lives. There is a forum about it called post vasectomy pain forum with thousands of people describing there nightmares.
I have discomfort from the vasectomy every day and it has taken away my ability to run or jump or lift weights. Feels bad because i used to be a really really good basketball player.
It has been 5 years since the surgery/day my life was ruined and it has been quite the journey. I would say that i am in control of my life now. I am salvaging what i have left.
I was addicted to marijuana ever since and even before the surgery. Finally i was able to quit and beat my addiction 2 and half months ago. What helped me quit was realizing marijuana was only masking or postponing my problems. When I am high i feel good (sometimes worse) however I just get sober and feel awful. Realizing that on my own I can release dopamine (which is what marijuana partly does) I can feel good without it. I also read a saying "master the art of breathing and you will have the strength wisdom and courage of 10 tigers" so breathing and focusing my mind taking control of my thoughts is what gave me the power to quit drugs.
I have attempted suicide a few times however I was no where close to being able to kill myself because i tried hanging with a belt and the pain was over whelming. The natural instinct to breath was over powering. I also tried to cut my arm off and I was going to burn myself to the ground (crazy idea i had when i had intense psychosis from marijuana and thought aliens were out to get me so i had to kill myself) except I just slashed my arm with my knife and made a few scars and realize are skin is built like armour.
I have talked to lots of people about suicide. My stance is that it should be absolute last resort.
If you are backed against the ropes in the boxing ring of life.... if there is still hope or a chance you should fight. Fight to win. or fight to fight.
I watched this movie a few months ago called Resident evil (2002) and there was a scene that really got to me.
So basically this guy and his team are being swarmed by zombies and the one guy gets separated from his team and has to climb up onto a pipe to get above from the zombies/vampires and he checks his gun sees what he has left to fight with and he emptys his revolver into his palm and he only has 1 bullet and i think he says "just my luck" then he does the unthinkable. ill post the video again i dont know what the rules for posting videos are i dont know how to make it a spoiler. just watch this.
/spoiler
yeah that movie is really good i definitely recommend it if your bored.
Also recently i watched this video about this guy who jumped off golden state... usually i don't like story's like this however this one i have to say had a drastic effect on my life and how i see things. It really has changed my perspective. Definitely worth watching if you haven't.
