TheHolySword
empty heart
- Nov 22, 2024
- 76
Hi! I apologize if this is not the proper place to do this but I've been here for a couple days now and I just wanted to make a thread introducing myself.
I found SaSu a couple weeks ago kind of by accident but also kind of on purpose. I was doom scrolling social media and I came across a news article from last year that was talking about multiple suicides by SN. I had never heard of SN so it immediately sparked my interest. The news article didn't mention SaSu by name but it did mention the supposed founders and a quick google search immediately led me here. I lurked for a bit before I decided to make my account and in that short time I found all the resources I needed for the SN method, and I am so grateful for that. But enough about just finding this place, I thought I might talk about me for a bit.
I'm a trans woman in her 20s, I could go on and on about how this alone has contributed to me wanting to ctb but I will say that I am happier knowing I'm a girl (I just wish the world would see me as one). I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 12 but have struggled with depression since before then. I have severe anxiety as well. I have been in therapy on and off ever since my initial diagnosis but it has never truly helped in any defining way. I have tried several medications but they always made things worse in one way or another. I have failed twice to ctb, though I was close the second time. I never knew any in depth methods but I have known for a long time that this is what I want. My life has been an empty, hollow experience filled with misery and pain and sadness that never ends and no one has ever truly seemed to understand that.
This year I sabotaged nearly everything in my life to help prepare me to ctb. I didn't have a plan or a date in mind, I just wanted to spare everyone I could from the pain of knowing me and losing me. I destroyed most of my friendships and I sabotaged my chance at happiness with a girl because living has become so unbearable. The truth is that I'm glad I found this place because it has given me everything I need to finally ctb and be at peace. It has also given me a community that understands and I have never felt so at home before.
I still do not have a date set but I have almost all the ingredients I need for SN. I won't be planning anything until May of next year at the very least. This is because my life insurance policy does not pay on suicides until after 2 years has passed, and that date will be in May. I know that it is still not guaranteed to pay out but it's my best chance at giving my little brother a better life. I always wanted him to have more and I can't ever give it to him, I want him to at least have the money to survive and try to find happiness. Anyway, wall of text over. I look forward to getting to know all of you more over these next 6 months or so while I wait to find my peace. Thank you for welcoming me
Please feel free to ask any questions about me or my life that you would like~
I found SaSu a couple weeks ago kind of by accident but also kind of on purpose. I was doom scrolling social media and I came across a news article from last year that was talking about multiple suicides by SN. I had never heard of SN so it immediately sparked my interest. The news article didn't mention SaSu by name but it did mention the supposed founders and a quick google search immediately led me here. I lurked for a bit before I decided to make my account and in that short time I found all the resources I needed for the SN method, and I am so grateful for that. But enough about just finding this place, I thought I might talk about me for a bit.
I'm a trans woman in her 20s, I could go on and on about how this alone has contributed to me wanting to ctb but I will say that I am happier knowing I'm a girl (I just wish the world would see me as one). I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 12 but have struggled with depression since before then. I have severe anxiety as well. I have been in therapy on and off ever since my initial diagnosis but it has never truly helped in any defining way. I have tried several medications but they always made things worse in one way or another. I have failed twice to ctb, though I was close the second time. I never knew any in depth methods but I have known for a long time that this is what I want. My life has been an empty, hollow experience filled with misery and pain and sadness that never ends and no one has ever truly seemed to understand that.
This year I sabotaged nearly everything in my life to help prepare me to ctb. I didn't have a plan or a date in mind, I just wanted to spare everyone I could from the pain of knowing me and losing me. I destroyed most of my friendships and I sabotaged my chance at happiness with a girl because living has become so unbearable. The truth is that I'm glad I found this place because it has given me everything I need to finally ctb and be at peace. It has also given me a community that understands and I have never felt so at home before.
I still do not have a date set but I have almost all the ingredients I need for SN. I won't be planning anything until May of next year at the very least. This is because my life insurance policy does not pay on suicides until after 2 years has passed, and that date will be in May. I know that it is still not guaranteed to pay out but it's my best chance at giving my little brother a better life. I always wanted him to have more and I can't ever give it to him, I want him to at least have the money to survive and try to find happiness. Anyway, wall of text over. I look forward to getting to know all of you more over these next 6 months or so while I wait to find my peace. Thank you for welcoming me
Please feel free to ask any questions about me or my life that you would like~
