_wishforwings
Forever is such an unpleasant word.
- Feb 4, 2026
- 40
So, I had all day yesterday alone and felt 100% ready to CTB, to the point I even bought myself a cake even though I'm on a diet to have a little last hurrah (lol) and I actually had a goodbye thread drafted that I didn't end up posting, which was probably a good thing, but.. I was completely ready, and I tested my setup and everything and I ended up accidentally slipping off of the chair I was standing on with the rope around my neck, and I unfortunately ended up touching the ground because of my noose being too low which saved me. It was really unfortunate and I didn't even feel near as scared as I would've expected, but I'm sure a lot of the panic would've set in after being actually suspended in the air. The chair was completely on the ground too so I would've had no way to save myself and it's hella frustrating cause I can't stop thinking of how I could literally be gone now. But because I wasn't ready and lost my balance the knot was facing closer to one side, which probably would've been very painful, So I guess it's a good thing. And I luckily only ended up with slight pain on my neck, nothing major. I think If I tie the noose while it's already around my neck next time it should prevent this, I'll just have to make sure I tie it right, but an arbor knot isn't really hard to tie. And I watch tutorials just to be sure lol
And this was enough for me to not attempt again for the night, so I've now missed my chance for at LEAST another month, and now I'll have to be here for my 21st birthday that I guarantee I will spend completely alone, because I only have two friends and they're both in college hours away from me. And I'm also going to be in a wedding next week.. which I do feel a bit obliged to be in for the sake of my brother. It also gives me an opportunity to see my family one last time and hopefully my younger cousin as well that I'm close with.. But it's just very frustrating to have to wait out having alone time again. The only person I live with is my mom and she does go to work every day but I feel more comfortable having like, 8 to 10 hours of time alone just so it's for sure enough I guess lol. But all I do is rot and complete online college work so realistically one month or so isn't even much more time and will probably go by fast. I'll probably go on the minecraft server or something, actually been having fun on it even just playing by myself. But alas
And this was enough for me to not attempt again for the night, so I've now missed my chance for at LEAST another month, and now I'll have to be here for my 21st birthday that I guarantee I will spend completely alone, because I only have two friends and they're both in college hours away from me. And I'm also going to be in a wedding next week.. which I do feel a bit obliged to be in for the sake of my brother. It also gives me an opportunity to see my family one last time and hopefully my younger cousin as well that I'm close with.. But it's just very frustrating to have to wait out having alone time again. The only person I live with is my mom and she does go to work every day but I feel more comfortable having like, 8 to 10 hours of time alone just so it's for sure enough I guess lol. But all I do is rot and complete online college work so realistically one month or so isn't even much more time and will probably go by fast. I'll probably go on the minecraft server or something, actually been having fun on it even just playing by myself. But alas
