Just want to die, nobody sees my pain.

[qonav]

I just really want to die right now, I feel so so so bad, I don't understand how everyone around me says that they care about me, swear on it yet don't see I'm in pain and continue as usual, am I being unreasonable in expecting something different?

One day it's all tears and begging me to stay and then the next week is pretending nothing is going on and that it's business as usual, as if I'm not in pain still. What is the point of it? What's the point of all of this? I just want to die, yet people keep holding me back, but they're not willing to do anything to change the things that pain me either regardless of their involvement in them. Why is it that I must give in? That I have to agree to the option that hurts them the least whilst they sacrifice nothing for me besides a few hours of discomfort when confronted by the reality that I AM suicidal, I AM depressed. I just want to cry. I wish the people around me cared enough to…I don't even know. It's so sad, I just don't even know.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

We are all trying to cope the best we can. We lay our shit on other people not concerned with how it effects them. We just want help. On the flip side they are only concerned with their own well being. So they try to help a little but must distance themselves so as to not be drug down. It is the reality of life. I would love for somebody to take my pain away, but it's not gonna happen. My depression is mine and mine alone. Could they help? Sure, but it's not their obligation.

 

[qonav]

We are all trying to cope the best we can. We lay our shit on other people not concerned with how it effects them. We just want help. On the flip side they are only concerned with their own well being. So they try to help a little but must distance themselves so as to not be drug down. It is the reality of life. I would love for somebody to take my pain away, but it's not gonna happen. My depression is mine and mine alone. Could they help? Sure, but it's not their obligation.

You say this but me personally I have always been there when my friends need me no matter what. I did whatever was necessary and I tried my hardest when they needed something done that was important. I know they can't fix me, but if they care as much as they claim to then at least don't subject me to having to pretend everything is okay everyday. It's not their obligation but they guilt me into staying alive for their sake, so they are somewhat deeply involved. You make a lot of assumptions without knowing anything about the situation and project your own onto mine.
Of course I concern myself with how it affects them, that's why I don't want to be a burden. Speak for yourself alone.

 

[donewithlife1]

I just really want to die right now, I feel so so so bad, I don't understand how everyone around me says that they care about me, swear on it yet don't see I'm in pain and continue as usual, am I being unreasonable in expecting something different?

One day it's all tears and begging me to stay and then the next week is pretending nothing is going on and that it's business as usual, as if I'm not in pain still. What is the point of it? What's the point of all of this? I just want to die, yet people keep holding me back, but they're not willing to do anything to change the things that pain me either regardless of their involvement in them. Why is it that I must give in? That I have to agree to the option that hurts them the least whilst they sacrifice nothing for me besides a few hours of discomfort when confronted by the reality that I AM suicidal, I AM depressed. I just want to cry. I wish the people around me cared enough to…I don't even know. It's so sad, I just don't even know.

I'm sure people around you care but when you are suicidal you see everything dark I'm in the same road I don't want to live I want to die now if I can and it's none fault people do care it's us we are in the dark place

 

[carac]

If you want to catch up with me on discord I'm always happy to chat. You always seem busy playing league so I don't want to disturb you!

 

[qonav]

If you want to catch up with me on discord I'm always happy to chat. You always seem busy playing league so I don't want to disturb you!

Yeah playing league is the only thing that makes it stop for a bit, if I concentrate in all the little aspects of the game my mind goes silent, but even now I just can't and it hurts so much and I just want to die.

 

[Iris Blue]

I feel the same way you do, the people who I consider to be the closest to don't seem to notice how much I'm hurting at all. Maybe I've just gotten really good at hiding it but once even my therapist starting saying and assuming I've been doing better (while I was just starting my note and making my plan) I kind of just gave up and went with it.

I live with my best friend and have almost a year and she doesn't even notice or seem to bother that these past few months I've been crying almost every day fighting between life and death constantly while she's just across the hall in the other room.

I know I shouldn't expect people to be able to read my mind and know I'm struggling (I don't want them to anyways because I want to be able to complete my plan to CTB) but it definitely sucks when you need a hug the most it isn't there and when I'm too afraid to ask for one without worrying them.

A few weeks ago I was having a panic attack and basically a huge mental breakdown in my car parked outside of a train station debating whether to just end it there, and after I put myself together and headed back to my apartment it seemed almost unreal that I just went through so much pain and distress and everyone else is just minding their own business and couldn't see the dried tears I had on my face. What felt like the world ending was just a normal day for anyone else.

I'm not sure if what I said is close to how you are feeling and I think I got a bit carried away but I just want you to know I'm sorry you are feeling this way and if you do need someone to talk to about it I'm here for you.

 

[qonav]

I feel the same way you do, the people who I consider to be the closest to don't seem to notice how much I'm hurting at all. Maybe I've just gotten really good at hiding it but once even my therapist starting saying and assuming I've been doing better I kind of just gave up and went with it.

I live with my best friend and have almost a year and she doesn't even notice or seem to bother that these past few months I've been crying almost every day fighting between life and death constantly while she's just across the hall in the other room.

I know I shouldn't expect people to be able to read my mind and know I'm struggling (I don't want them to anyways because I want to be able to complete my plan to CTB) but it definitely sucks when you need a hug the most it isn't there.

A few weeks ago I was having a panic attack and basically a huge mental breakdown in my car parked outside of a train station debating whether to just end it there, and after I put myself together and headed back to my apartment it seemed almost unreal that I just went through so much pain and distress and everyone else is just minding their own business and couldn't see it.

I'm not sure if what I said is close to how you are feeling and I think I got a bit carried away but I just want you to know I'm sorry you are feeling this way and if you do need someone to talk to about it I'm here for you.

No, I appreciate your words. I feel exactly the same way and it's all so painful.
People assume you're better instantly when you are just trying to not die and maybe shower a few days in a row, they think you are "healthy" or "look better than expected". I relate so much to your experience inside the car, not in a literal way but I've been there, and then I just see the people that know I'm doing horrible and claim they love me and care for me so much just not acknowledge it. It makes me feel so invisible and stupid.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

You say this but me personally I have always been there when my friends need me no matter what. I did whatever was necessary and I tried my hardest when they needed something done that was important. I know they can't fix me, but if they care as much as they claim to then at least don't subject me to having to pretend everything is okay everyday. It's not their obligation but they guilt me into staying alive for their sake, so they are somewhat deeply involved. You make a lot of assumptions without knowing anything about the situation and project your own onto mine.
Of course I concern myself with how it affects them, that's why I don't want to be a burden. Speak for yourself alone.

Abraham Lincoln said we are all selfish and only concerned with ourselves. On the way to a speech he saw an animal stuck in the mud and struggling for it life. Despite the fact that he was in a tuxedo he saved the animal. His friend said see you were not selfish or you wouldn't have saved that animal. Abe said if I didn't save it I would have felt guilty about it, therefore I was still selfish only concerned about my own feelings.

 

[qonav]

Abraham Lincoln said we are all selfish and only concerned with ourselves. On the way to a speech he saw an animal stuck in the mud and struggling for it life. Despite the fact that he was in a tuxedo he saved the animal. His friend said see you were not selfish or you wouldn't have saved that animal. Abe said if I didn't save it I would have felt guilty about it, therefore I was still selfish only concerned about my own feelings.

Okay, cool story. You can preach your worldview to other people I'd rather not hear of your biased perspective on life on my vent post. Thank you.
I choose to believe that people are not horrible brutes and I care not for Abraham Lincoln.