“Just Wait”

[Freaknik]

Arguably, the worst advice one can receive when facing suicidal ideations are the words, "Just wait" or "be patient." For some, this statement may be comforting but, for the majority, it is nothing more than an empty sentiment that makes a mockery of your inner feelings. These depressive thoughts can obviously be a momentary roadblock for some, and may eventually pass with time. Though, for most of us, that unfortunately isn't the case; we have been "waiting" for our luck to change, often for decades, but continue to suffer and dig a deeper hole for ourselves in the process. When you realize nothing can be fixed and the damage done to your mind is far beyond repair, the idea of patience is completely lost on you. What perplexes me is how so many outsiders believe we haven't made an effort to wait everything out, or haven't at least tried to better ourselves. When your existence becomes increasingly more painful - and when the odds are stacked against you - you come to realize that your situation will never "change for the better." We understand that things will not change for us, as we were simply damned from the start. Most who continuously regurgitate these "positive" sentiments to those seeking help do not understand that continuing to live is what we fear the most, and no amount of time can repair the mental scars we've received. Overall, I have grown exhausted of hearing the same empty rhetoric being spouted off to keep us in a world that was never fit for us and, most importantly, never will be.

 

[Orbitc]

Great post.

I don't understand why I prolong my meaningless, empty life for so long, because I understand perfectly well that nothing will change. Even if I could take revenge, I'm still too mentally damaged. There is no point in waiting - several years have passed since my attempt and nothing has changed. I still want to die, I'm just afraid of failure and pain.

 

[ripberman]

Beautifully put—this type of "advice" only serves as a reminder that this pain is truly beyond the scope of the average person's understanding.

In my opinion, there is only one line of questioning that is comparably tone-deaf, and that is the "have you tried thinking of things you are grateful for?" rhetoric. How can you explain to someone that yes, you have thought carefully about all of the good things in your life, and found that the suffering outweighs those positive things every single time?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Exactly. Wait for what exactly? Things to magically get better? It's stupid because it's so complacent as well- and it insinuates that we can be complacent too and just expect things to change. Which- in my experience- very rarely happens. It is similar to the phrase 'Things will get better.' Life (in my experience) doesn't change unless we put in the effort to change it. Plus- even when we do. Even when we give our all- it can still slap you back down!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

"Just wait". A few years ago I knew when it was over here bc I could not and I can never recover the "wealth" I already had and CTB was the immediate answer but "I gave it a chance" with then outcome me registering here a few years later when finally all "hopes" for a potential recovery were gone ....

What for did I wait exactly? I still have a kind of "life FOMO" although I can't expect anything according to my own expectations what would be positive or life changing. Actually it became worse but not bad enough yet.

I'm still stuck here knowing my life will not improve according to my conditions.

 

[Freaknik]

Beautifully put—this type of "advice" only serves as a reminder that this pain is truly beyond the scope of the average person's understanding.

In my opinion, there is only one line of questioning that is comparably tone-deaf, and that is the "have you tried thinking of things you are grateful for?" rhetoric. How can you explain to someone that yes, you have thought carefully about all of the good things in your life, and found that the suffering outweighs those positive things every single time?

I've never personally had to deal with this tone-deaf sentiment, but have known others who force you to "appreciate" what you have. While some of us are obviously given a shittier hand than others, your personal experience is the only thing that you will ever know - so trying to compare your situation to others is a crapshoot and, therefore, useless.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I have waited my entire life for this "better".
It happened, briefly, when I found my person. Finally after decades I could see a future that had happiness. He died. Spontaneously, no warning. Heart failure. Here then gone. And for me it's just… I can't even describe it. Years of apathy / despondency / chronic major depressive disorder / chronic suicidal ideation and then suddenly experiencing life from the other side where I could see something worth living for because ultimately his existence made me HAPPY. An alien experience for me. But so…. Amazing. I wondered, is this bliss something neurotypical people experience regularly? It wasn't a magic fix all but at least I felt hope. But, regardless, when he died it magnified my emotions tenfold. A million fold. It's never stopped since he died though it's been almost two years. I try. I really try. But what is the point? I'm in pain every day that's exacerbated by so many factors, including a job I need to pay the bills but which further crushes my soul and self esteem daily. I'm struggling. All methods available to me arm are not guaranteed and potentially just fuck me up even more (I have a stockpile of various SSRIs and propranolol) but more likely to just suffer extreme physical symptoms with potentially longterm effects but not die. Tried partial hanging and night night so many times but SI gets in the way. I'm lost. It's shit: I so desperately want to end it but have extreme social anxiety and apathy mixed in so going out to scope jumping sights / train lines / spots to drown etc almost impossible. I've taken so many random ODs mixed with alcohol and attempted to pass out in the bath and drown, or overcome SI enough to let partial hanging do its thing, but I never succeed. Just feel shit for a few days then business as usual.

And I'm not "sick enough" for intervention beyond throwing yet more drugs at me that don't work. Just additional stockpile to OD that won't work anyway.

If I'd had an automatic off switch I'd have been dead decades ago. Sadly CTB not that easy.