Venting just venting.

[exhausted froggy]

i feel like i'm losing my mind.

these antidepressants don't work, nor have any of the other ones i've ever taken.
my therapist is leaving her job so i'm only seeing her 2 more times. she's stopped responding to or acknowledging my emails.

it feels like i'm getting almost no treatment at all, honestly. and i don't care to try and get more.
i don't care to help myself. i don't care to do anything. i'm here cause i'm still not dead.

i don't talk about how i feel much anymore. bottling up my feelings is a necessity now. i can't tell professionals how i feel, or i'll get shoved in a mental hospital. i've said the same things over and over for years to my close friends, and i want to spare them of my endless negativity now.

i don't think unbottling my feelings would even do much for me. i know nobody truly cares, and that's okay. i'm not supposed to still be alive.

i always go online and dig through suicide methods, only to give up after seeing how few i can do, for one reason or another.
i'm pretty sure i'm bad at suicide. i rarely have the energy to attempt, and all my attempts are pathetic.

speaking of my energy, i've had none for a long while now. i do absolutely nothing and i'm still utterly exhausted. i always feel like i have chain balls attached to my arms and legs. i always feel like i could just sink into the floor.
i am so overwhelmed despite doing nothing at all. it really couldn't get more pathetic.


i'm considering nuclear options.

 

[sleepy dog]

I feel ya. I don't have any advice. They are the same, wanting to put me in a psych ward, which they already did. Now on court ordered treatment. I think I can't say anything to them. They always write notes in my file that don't match what I really said. And what they choose to write about in the notes is the most unimportant shit I talked about sometimes. Sometimes they just make stuff up. I also have low energy. Don't tell them that though. They think that means a person is paranoid schizophrenic. The same with not showering every day. They want to turn every normal human behavior into a mental illness, and without proof. They are dangerous. They force people to kill themselves.

 

[exhausted froggy]

I feel ya. I don't have any advice. They are the same, wanting to put me in a psych ward, which they already did. Now on court ordered treatment. I think I can't say anything to them. They always write notes in my file that don't match what I really said. And what they choose to write about in the notes is the most unimportant shit I talked about sometimes. Sometimes they just make stuff up. I also have low energy. Don't tell them that though. They think that means a person is paranoid schizophrenic. The same with not showering every day. They want to turn every normal human behavior into a mental illness, and without proof. They are dangerous. They force people to kill themselves.

i'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
it really frustrates me to hear "get help". it's not even an option in this state. "help" becomes a threat, you have to stay under the radar if you don't want to be involuntarily committed to anything.

 

[sleepy dog]

It sure does seem like it. I'm trying to be very careful about what I talk about around the mental health people.

 

[Libracusp_1022]

Good mental health treatment can be really hard to find. In the US I think it partially depends on where you live. Some areas are really bad. I don't know about other countries. But in the US it's hard to get good medical care period. It's hard to trust any health care providers.

I feel ya. I don't have any advice. They are the same, wanting to put me in a psych ward, which they already did. Now on court ordered treatment. I think I can't say anything to them. They always write notes in my file that don't match what I really said. And what they choose to write about in the notes is the most unimportant shit I talked about sometimes. Sometimes they just make stuff up. I also have low energy. Don't tell them that though. They think that means a person is paranoid schizophrenic. The same with not showering every day. They want to turn every normal human behavior into a mental illness, and without proof. They are dangerous. They force people to kill themselves.

I don't know why doctors write notes at all. They always get it wrong. Most of them don't know how to listen.

 

[pole]

i really can relate a ton. there will come a point where you don't feel this craze of loosing you're mind. you'll feel numb, and you just won't give a shit about anyone or anything nor will you feel ans care. thats when you've hit you're ABSOLUTE lowest.

till then, id perhaps "keep trying" and it sounds so cheesey. you're voice matters, you deserve to be heard. you're therapist as a support system is essentially making you feel invalidated about what you're going through, by not responding, leaving; making you feel alone and not deserving to be heard. but that's one person. people do care, if im being honest, i care and i dont even know you, im sure plenty of others on here care and ARE WILLING to talk and listen to you're hurt. bottling up inside hurts, and it just eats you out alive and makes you go even crazier.

though, i choose to bottle my shit up. i hate talking about how i feel to others. and those i did choose to talk to, hurt me somehow and i dont talk to anymore. i dont feel like talking to anyone let alone a therapist about how i feel, i know it wont work for me. instead i try and channel how i feel, use distractions such as school, gym, video games, trying to go out and feel less alone has helped a ton. perhaps trying such things can help.

dont feel forced to want to vent and open up to someone. im all ears, and so are others. hope things turn around for you and hope you find peace.