So i just received my order of sn, not really sure yet if it's of a high enough purity or even real sn The test kit haven't arrived. I don't even know if the test kit will be accurate as it's a aquarium test kit. So... A few minutes after putting away the package. My dad goes inside our office and started venting himself as our business and our family is in a pretty rough predicament going out the streets rough. Mind you, he played a big role in our current situation and also my situation. He's a narcissist and always think he's right. Frankly I'm only partially blaming him for what's happening. As the current state of my country almost every one is in the same situation. But I'm not built for this or more accurate to say I've been hindered to learn to survive in a situation like now. Well going back a decade ago right after finishing college i got enticed to be more involved in the family business. Being from an asian household it was really the time to get into it and didn't think much after. But i never got to learn to find suppliers/clients and even when i did i was always assisted by his scalper friends i never got to do anything alone, my opinions were always wrong, never really made my own decisions and risks, and was always blamed by my dad whenever things go south. The only thing i got good at was making sure everything went well and up to schedule inside this little company of ours. Until my confidence in doing the job and everything in general diminished. I mean this family business thing really takes a toll on you and you're relationships. I'm left with only a couple of real friends, single as it's a low paying job that requires 12 hours or more of you daily(not really ideal for a long term partner). So, I'm in my early 30s, single, no kids, no skills, no business acumen, and no idea how to go forward from here, pretty much stuck in limbo for the past decade. Don't get me wrong here, i always knew i was going to cbt, just a matter of when and what method. The current situation just probably accelerated things. I mean more than a couple of weeks ago i was already research on ways and getting my hands on the chems needed, got antifreeze, oxalic acid powder, silver jewelry cleaner(hoping it still had cyanide mixed in), hanging rope before i got into this forum. Was just waiting to see if we sell the house first for capital injection or my birthday next month to roll on before i do the deed. But after listening to my dad vent, i suddenly got anxious, panicked, and got angry. It's not like I'm having second thoughts but more of cemented the idea to accelerate my plan. My ruby i mean my car is actually the last thing that holds close to my heart. And it seems it'll be the first thing to go. But the thing that got me angry was what he said after, that i should learn to decide for myself. Thinking to myself "Like wtf what do i decide? You've been controlling me for the past 15 years, you've already crippled what little future i had back then, and now when everything is too late is when you say that?" My deadline was supposed to be the day after my birthday and the day before the only person i really loved birthday. Just wanted to greet her a happy birthday before attempting. But i guess plans change. I'll get everything else ready and tested and once everything seems up to par and ruby haven't been sold yet drive somewhere quiet and ctb. Thank you for everyone who took the time to read this. Even if its barely leglible.
