FlowingVali
Hello, Goodbye
- Sep 13, 2023
- 25
Isn't that serious I guess. It's just weird, right? I'm not really (I can't even say the word without cringing) anymore but I wish I did. I'm happy I'm better, and I don't wish otherwise, but? How do I phase this? I just wanna be dead. But not enough, not enough anymore that I'd want to do something about it. So I wish I'd just done it when I wanted to more so that I could be dead now. Now. Now, doesn't that sound just so fucking insane? I hate how I hated everyone who tried to stop me, telling me" I'll get better" I hated them all. But didn't I? I did. I did, sort of, but not really. I can't say shit anymore because I sort of got better. I didn't even, that much. But people will take the inch and go miles. Why do I have to be sorry or grateful or shit? What did I do so wrong? Treat others how you wanna be treated and such. They acted as if I was a monster. I don't think so. Am I? I wanted people to help me stop suffering. And I helped other people too, because they asked. Because that's what I wanted. What if I said this to someone? Would they call me a monster? Monster, monster, monster. You killed someone, monster, did I kill someone? I helped. They asked. I would've wanted them to help me if I had asked. Monster. Am I a monster? I don't want to be. I wish I tried harder then. So I could not think right now. Monster, monster. I don't know what to think anymore. If you're a good person you'll be happy, that's what they say. Am I like this because I'm not a good person. Am I really a monster? What can I do? What could I do? I can't change myself, I tried and tried and failed and if I'm a monster there's nothing I can do to change that and what if I spend the rest of my life alone and alone because I'm a monster and that's what I deserve? But I can't change me, no matter how hard I try. So wasn't I doomed a monster at birth? Wasn't I doomed to be alone and useless at birth? Could I have changed something, had I tried enough? You can call me a monster, you can say whatever you want about me. But isn't saying I haven't tried too much? I did. How can you say I haven't tried? How? This is serious right? But do I even deserve help? So many people have so much less than me. I could have done so much. But I'm just me. Call me a monster and I'll cry. But if you say I didn't try I think I'll just die. And I love and hate how that kinda rhymes.
