Venting Just something stupid to get out of me

[Sammie_com.sanrio]

Well I have hearing loss and I wear headphones every day. I have no friends that really care about me or parents that do either. And when they do they make me feel useless and lazy. Is usually have trouble falling asleep. Especially since they think I'm really deaf at night I can hear them talking shit about me. I have multiple failed attempts I've never told them about and if I did they'd probably make me feel guilty about it or send me to a phsyc ward. When I told them about well not really but when they found out about my self harm they were very angry at me. They tell me I'm ungrateful and selfish. Everything I enjoy is wrong to them. Anything that makes me happy is wrong. I haven't yet gotten SN and now that police may be involved I will choose different methods. If I'm selfish than that will be my method. I know I'm a burden and I cause trouble. I will still even be a burden even after my death. Hopefully if I jump in front of a train and put my head right in the tracks hopefully I will die. If not I will keep on hanging or just overdose on melatonin. Since summer is near I have other plans like drowning myself or hitting my head against the rocks and drown. I don't care about what I do anymore and lately my grades are dropping and the only thing I feel finally is happiness but only if it's little it still isn't enough for me. Maybe I don't really deserve it. Everyone makes me feel like I don't deserve it. Sometimes maybe I don't even deserve to live. I know I'm annoying and a burden. I'm a burden to everyone around me. I'm a burden to you reading this since it's so long I'm sorry. When I leave people alone or have left me for not being good enough although I try they look so happy without me. Maybe others are better off without me. I want to make them feel good so if I just disappear and die everything will be fine.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a hellish world we exist in that is filled with so many cruel and insensitive humans, it's horrible how other people can just make existing much worse but sadly it's just the reality, I think that most people only care about what directly affects themselves. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans and by the way a melatonin overdose isn't recommended as being a reliable suicide method.