Loonarfalls
lemaridamande
- Nov 2, 2023
- 12
I haven't been on here for a very long time, and in that time i was recovering really well. I was the happiest I had ever been for such a long time, but everything that's going on in the world has slowly been deteriorating my mental health, and it's making me very suicidal again.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm planning my suicide slowly again. My parents don't help me as much as I wish they would, because sadly they don't share the same views as I do regarding everything going on in the world. I don't want to seem stupid in their eyes for wanting to kill myself over a president that's slowly becoming a dictator. When James Ransone died from suicide just a few weeks ago now, my Nana called it the cowardly way out, and it only made me feel more sick to my stomach.
I haven't been taking my meds, because although they make me feel better in terms of mood, they just prolong my eventual suicide. I'm only 19, I'll be 20 in April but still i feel like my story is done. I don't feel like I have a future, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't have any friends in real life, I moved from NY to OH and had a girlfriend, but we broke up after a few months of dating and now I genuinely have no one. I fear no one actually cares for me, and would probably be relieved when I do go because I'm so annoying, so pessimistic,, and so angry all the time.
I don't want to be another statistic that transphobes use to mock other trans people. I want to die and have people be sad about me. I want to die and be in heaven where i can be with my cat who passed away back in September. I want to die so people realize that everything they're saying and doing is going straight to my head. I feel like I'm not good at anything I do. I suck at everything, I'm a shitty artist, a shitty writer, a shitty friend, and legitimately can't do anything right
I plan for the next few months to finish whatever I'm currently working on now, and using these next few months as a way to slowly write my suicide letter and get my thoughts in order. I'm not looking for help to recover anymore. I'm looking for a way out.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm planning my suicide slowly again. My parents don't help me as much as I wish they would, because sadly they don't share the same views as I do regarding everything going on in the world. I don't want to seem stupid in their eyes for wanting to kill myself over a president that's slowly becoming a dictator. When James Ransone died from suicide just a few weeks ago now, my Nana called it the cowardly way out, and it only made me feel more sick to my stomach.
I haven't been taking my meds, because although they make me feel better in terms of mood, they just prolong my eventual suicide. I'm only 19, I'll be 20 in April but still i feel like my story is done. I don't feel like I have a future, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't have any friends in real life, I moved from NY to OH and had a girlfriend, but we broke up after a few months of dating and now I genuinely have no one. I fear no one actually cares for me, and would probably be relieved when I do go because I'm so annoying, so pessimistic,, and so angry all the time.
I don't want to be another statistic that transphobes use to mock other trans people. I want to die and have people be sad about me. I want to die and be in heaven where i can be with my cat who passed away back in September. I want to die so people realize that everything they're saying and doing is going straight to my head. I feel like I'm not good at anything I do. I suck at everything, I'm a shitty artist, a shitty writer, a shitty friend, and legitimately can't do anything right
I plan for the next few months to finish whatever I'm currently working on now, and using these next few months as a way to slowly write my suicide letter and get my thoughts in order. I'm not looking for help to recover anymore. I'm looking for a way out.
