Venting Just need one more push

[peonylove]

I feel so suicidal almost every moment of everyday. I want to kill myself but there's something that's stopping me. Sometimes I wish something really bad or some long-awaited karma would hit me so I could have that last push to die. I'm a terrible human being, I ruin everything I touch. I don't understand why I have to partake in this world. I feel like I have to isolate myself to not hurt people, but if I just stand here and do nothing they still dislike me and think I'm weird. God I'm so terrible, just kill me please

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how difficult it is to die in this world, it's true that existing here really is torture, I'm also always wishing to be gone.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

................but there's something that's stopping me.

Outside forces, or internal forces?

 

[dimstar]

I want that push too, I dont want to hurt anyone but I want everyone to turn away from me. I too feel toxic and like I need to push people away. Especially if i actually go through with my plans to hurt as few people as possible, but it only drives me deeper in madness. It's a cruel position to be in. I'm sorry you feel it too.

 

[peonylove]

Outside forces, or internal forces?

Both, I'm in a bit of a complicated situation right now since I'm being watched closely. But even if I wasn't, I don't think I'd have the guts to go through with it right away

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm in a bit of a complicated situation

Not to diminish your thought in any way, but I think we all are too a degree.

But even if I wasn't, I don't think I'd have the guts to go through with it right away

Everyone's journey is a little different. There's no rush. You're allowed to take all the time you need, as you are allowed to not even go there at all, if you should choose that option. That's what is nice about being pro-choice. Good luck on your venture.