Venting just listened to my friend be transphobic for an hour

[cultpup]

obviously, trans people are too complicated and confusing and there strictly only exists male and female. obviously. he even called being trans a red flag, since my previous two exes were trans women and both hurt me, i should have seen it coming since they were trans, right?

not like the suicide rate for trans people climbs with every sentence or anything. not like this conversation is making me want to gut myself or anything like that. totally doesn't sicken me to my fucking core to be heard and then ignored because it's confusing and "irrelevant." you care that i'd even mention that i want to kill myself for the situation that i'm in, yet when it comes to a basic aspect of my existence it's less reasonable that i'd want to leave a world that clearly doesn't see or want to see me?

let's not even mention the "i don't call people pronouns, i call them by their name" bullshit. people love using that one, then misgendering someone in the next breath. fuck you and everything about you.

 

[oofuf]

He didn't even try to understand? If I were you I would try to cut him out of my life he's just there to make it worse.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

"i don't call people pronouns, i call them by their name" bullshit. people love using that one, then misgendering someone in the next breath. fuck you and everything about you.

So he speaks like this: Mary went to the store because Mary needed to buy food. Mary bought milk and eggs. When Mary got back to Mary's apartment Mary realized Mary lost Mary's debit card. Luckily the store called Mary and Mary went to pick Mary's card up.

 

[loneliness0]

I totally disagree with your friend remarks and they are very transphobic. It really normal you got hurt by that and every sentence made you feel worse.

However i think you could want reconsider what people and attitudes/mindsets you accept in your life as it make big difference. If you keep accepting theses type of people going for hours and you listening hurtful things then at some point you need to ask yourself why you allow this type of disrespect in your life and if this person is person you want allow in your life or you need more boundaries with them.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

You just haven't lived in russia, belarus - the most transphobic country in the world. Where transgender people are discriminated against at the legislative level. And they are deprived of the rights that are available to cis-people.

At least your "friend" is not openly insulting transgender people (which is encouraged in russia). I'm not saying that he's good. he is bad.
If your "friend" tried to missgender transgender people in the USA, European countries - he would have been quickly shut up.
And blood is of great importance.

In the blood of russians, belarusians, ukrainians (all people of commonwealth of independent states) - transphobia, homophobia in the blood from birth.

 

[cultpup]

I totally disagree with your friend remarks and they are very transphobic. It really normal you got hurt by that and every sentence made you feel worse.

However i think you could want reconsider what people and attitudes/mindsets you accept in your life as it make big difference. If you keep accepting theses type of people going for hours and you listening hurtful things then at some point you need to ask yourself why you allow this type of disrespect in your life and if this person is person you want allow in your life or you need more boundaries with them.

it came out of absolutely nowhere, i met him years ago and we work on game development stuff together but never ever spoke of "politics" (apparently human rights are political...) so it was completely out of left field. it also surprised me because he's from a country thats more progressive than mine! he has never ever shown signs of being like that before so it was baffling and so hurtful. there is literally no way i could have seen this coming. we've never even argued before.

So he speaks like this: Mary went to the store because Mary needed to buy food. Mary bought milk and eggs. When Mary got back to Mary's apartment Mary realized Mary lost Mary's debit card. Luckily the store called Mary and Mary went to pick Mary's card up.

that's the claim but obviously it's ridiculous because no one naturally speaks like that, him included. and if he were to speak like that i think i'd've noticed by now. it's just a stupid way to avoid saying you don't see people as their gender.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

it came out of absolutely nowhere, i met him years ago and we work on game development stuff together but never ever spoke of "politics" (apparently human rights are political...) so it was completely out of left field. it also surprised me because he's from a country thats more progressive than mine! he has never ever shown signs of being like that before so it was baffling and so hurtful. there is literally no way i could have seen this coming. we've never even argued before.

that's the claim but obviously it's ridiculous because no one naturally speaks like that, him included. and if he were to speak like that i think i'd've noticed by now. it's just a stupid way to avoid saying you don't see people as their gender.

Are you stuck working and associating with him?

 

[Winterreise]

Did you ask for his opinion? Why he feel such a need to vent his unqualified opinion on the matter.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm sorry you heard awful things for so long... People don't deserve to be treated like that.
If by not using pronouns he means not using neopronouns, then that's something I'm on the same boat as him as that, to me, is a fad with no utility. Now, someone being trans and not using the pronoun of the gender they are transitioning too when the person wants that, that's being disrespectful and hurtful.

It sounds like someone you should distance yourself from. If you work together at a company, then that's hard but nowadays there is zero tolerance for that kind of attitude so he should face serious consequences if you tell HR.

 

[cultpup]

Are you stuck working and associating with him?

i'm not stuck with him but i'd rather not lose him as a friend since he's helpful otherwise

Did you ask for his opinion? Why he feel such a need to vent his unqualified opinion on the matter.

no, he actually asked for mine lol.

Did you ask for his opinion? Why he feel such a need to vent his unqualified opinion on the matter.

no, he actually asked for mine lol.

 

[nivis...]

obviously, trans people are too complicated and confusing and there strictly only exists male and female. obviously. he even called being trans a red flag, since my previous two exes were trans women and both hurt me, i should have seen it coming since they were trans, right?

not like the suicide rate for trans people climbs with every sentence or anything. not like this conversation is making me want to gut myself or anything like that. totally doesn't sicken me to my fucking core to be heard and then ignored because it's confusing and "irrelevant." you care that i'd even mention that i want to kill myself for the situation that i'm in, yet when it comes to a basic aspect of my existence it's less reasonable that i'd want to leave a world that clearly doesn't see or want to see me?

let's not even mention the "i don't call people pronouns, i call them by their name" bullshit. people love using that one, then misgendering someone in the next breath. fuck you and everything about you.

you can't blame him for being trasphobic, the same way he shouldn't do to you. Maybe tell him it hurt your feelings and that it makes you sad when he talks about it.
Maybe he will reconsider saying stuff like that next time and value your friendship more. if not then in my opinion there isn't much to do, since having different opinions about something that matters a lot to you makes being friends hard.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

i'm not stuck with him but i'd rather not lose him as a friend since he's helpful otherwise

If that's the case you'll just have to find a way to accept that side of him if you wish to remain his friend. Or at least learn to deal with without being triggered.

 

[Meditation guide]

I wonder if his viewpoint was shaped by a certain political set of manipulations. It's a popular thing right now to demonize trans people to take the focus off of certain politicians who are messed up. I had never been aware of a whole movement to paint trans people as evil until recently as sort of a general mass brainwashing.

 

[cultpup]

If that's the case you'll just have to find a way to accept that side of him if you wish to remain his friend. Or at least learn to deal with without being triggered.

the plan is to literally never talk about it again. it's not a regular topic between us. that's why it surprised me in the first place.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

the plan is to literally never talk about it again. it's not a regular topic between us. that's why it surprised me in the first place.

Well he can play the role of being helpful in certain areas without being privy to your inner world. I think that's doable. He doesn't seem like he will be swayed anyways.