Venting Just getting some thoughts out

[TheTranstarEngineer]

I feel like I'm not even a person sometimes, like I'm just a tool to be used. And it's not like I hate that even, it would almost be fine if this world just used me up, but it keeps trying to make me feel like i have some choice in all this, like my individuality would mean something. I'm a well off person, good friends and plenty of opportunity, but it's like I don't even have a will to use it anymore, and I don't want one. I wake up for other people, I eat for other people, I learn for other people, I try to make my life for other people, I pursue a future for other people, but it feels like I don't even have any stake in it anymore, I'm just living to not disappoint everyone. Sorry for the rambling, my well-off ass shouldn't be complaining, but I guess New Years really got to me. Gonna go smoke now, hopefully take my mind off things.

 

[IWishToDie]

My best advice would be to try meditation.
Close the curtains, not total darkness maybe 75% dark room, light a candle in the corner at eye level. Sit comfortably as aligned as possible (meditation music helps for this, chakra tuneup for 20 minutes). Turn music off and just stare at the candle in silence. Try not to move focus on breathing in nose out mouth. Whatever comes to your mind, just let it play out and pass. Do not try talking to yourself. This all takes practice but it may help you come to a conclusion as to what you're really living for and what action you need to take. Good luck. Also, it's easier sober as meditation high can be a little trippy intense.