Venting Just can’t stop crying today. I don’t know what to do.

[myfleetingmania]

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, but I just can't get into the spirit of it today. My heart feels like it's breaking all over again.

My partner of five years left me in May. We were supposed to host a Halloween party this year. We had a great couples costume planned. Now all I can think about tonight is how they're spending the night with someone else.

My life has just been a disaster since May. I had a major mental breakdown, diagnosed bipolar and put on all kinds of medication that hasn't helped. I almost became homeless. My entire support system came crashing down. I've slowly been losing my hair due to stress and anxiety, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore and all of my self-esteem is just gone. My skin is breaking out constantly and my body has lost all tone and shape from being so inactive. I've been doing terribly at work, I have no drive anymore to do my job well. My friends and family have all but completely stopped talking to me because I'm just miserable to be around.

I don't know what I want to gain from this vent, I guess I just needed to get it out that I'm feeling so terribly broken and alone and the tears just won't stop.

Seriously considering CTB, but I'm too scared of it not working. I tried in July (jumping from a bridge + ODing on meds) but SI took over. Since then I've regretted not committing to the jump, but I haven't tried it since. I'm considering FSH, I bought a rope last weekend, but I'm struggling to find a good anchor point.

Is anyone else struggling tonight?

 

[At The Bus Stop]

Hey,

Same situation, recently separated from my partner, who I would've done some activities with for Halloween. I bought a pumpkin to carve but then just ended up crying and throwing it away - just isn't as meaningful alone. We usually go to a pumpkin patch to pick them ourselves but yeah..

I think now is the worst time of Year (in the UK at least) as we have Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas and New Years - all significant holidays that you celebrate with others, which I'll most likely be spending alone.

But just know you're not truly alone, people like myself are in the same boat as you, and I truly wish you find your happiness in whatever way you need it.

Happy Halloween!

 

[myfleetingmania]

Hey,

Same situation, recently separated from my partner, who I would've done some activities with for Halloween. I bought a pumpkin to carve but then just ended up crying and throwing it away - just isn't as meaningful alone. We usually go to a pumpkin patch to pick them ourselves but yeah..

I think now is the worst time of Year (in the UK at least) as we have Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas and New Years - all significant holidays that you celebrate with others, which I'll most likely be spending alone.

But just know you're not truly alone, people like myself are in the same boat as you, and I truly wish you find your happiness in whatever way you need it.

Happy Halloween!

We used to go to the pumpkin patch together as well, I just realized today that I hadn't been at all this year.

Thanks for your kind words, and I'm sorry for the losses you've experienced as well. This truly is the hardest time of the year!

 

[At The Bus Stop]

We used to go to the pumpkin patch together as well, I just realized today that I hadn't been at all this year.

Thanks for your kind words, and I'm sorry for the losses you've experienced as well. This truly is the hardest time of the year!

If you're not already pooped out/done with the holiday - a small celebratory movie could help bring some joy to the evening - such as a horror movie or a film you really enjoy?

I don't have a sofa (yet) in my flat, otherwise I'd probably just rot in there and watch something spoopy..

 

[R. A.]

Not partner-specific for me (though included) so much as 'entire way of life gone' and i liked this time of year a lot. on top of weather sucking, i'm in too much pain to even walk around the neighborhood to take it in. sigh.

there is this thread happening in case it might be of any interest to you both

 

[myfleetingmania]

If you're not already pooped out/done with the holiday - a small celebratory movie could help bring some joy to the evening - such as a horror movie or a film you really enjoy?

I don't have a sofa (yet) in my flat, otherwise I'd probably just rot in there and watch something spoopy..

I was thinking about that. Honestly, since the spring I really haven't engaged in much media—movies, tv shows, music. It sounds so horribly depressing acknowledging that out loud, but literally *everything* reminds me of my ex and I just haven't been able to engage in anything that used to bring me joy.

But I might. What horror/spooky movie would you choose watch tonight?

 

[At The Bus Stop]

Not partner-specific for me (though included) so much as 'entire way of life gone' and i liked this time of year a lot. on top of weather sucking, i'm in too much pain to even walk around the neighborhood to take it in. sigh.

there is this thread happening in case it might be of any interest to you both

Thanks, I'll have a read through! And likewise, this used to be a holiday where everyone would just come together for a laugh.

I was thinking about that. Honestly, since the spring I really haven't engaged in much media—movies, tv shows, music. It sounds so horribly depressing acknowledging that out loud, but literally *everything* reminds me of my ex and I just haven't been able to engage in anything that used to bring me joy.

But I might. What horror/spooky movie would you choose watch tonight?

Don't worry, literal same situation - I'm located in the North of England and they do a "turning on the lights" thing for 2 days, we used to go to that every year and I went there on my own, broke down within 5 seconds of getting there and then went home

I feel you when you say everything, from going for a walk, to even just getting in the front door and hoping for that person to greet you.. a lot of my TV shows and YouTube videos I can't/don't watch because they're what we used to sit down every evening and watch together - The Bear, Stranger Things etc - I was really enjoying The Bear too..

Idk what genre they fall under, but there was a few movies I was interested in, annoyingly they were in the Cinema prior to our separation and so I wanted to go watch them with her, but alas.. it was The Long Walk (Based on Stephen Kings Novel), Weapons (Think it's some kids that vanish and do crazy shit) and then Together (Couple slowly become fused together).

It's nice bouncing the emotion and disappointment off someone else who is also struggling though - as long as it's not causing us any additional negativity. It's crazy how ingrained someone can be in your life and then just *poof*, you're like some lost puppy in the middle of a desert with no sense of direction.

 

[myfleetingmania]

Not partner-specific for me (though included) so much as 'entire way of life gone' and i liked this time of year a lot. on top of weather sucking, i'm in too much pain to even walk around the neighborhood to take it in. sigh.

there is this thread happening in case it might be of any interest to you both

Thanks for linking that thread, I'm going to dip in there tonight for sure.

I also definitely hear you with "whole way of life", though I don't mean to imply I know your situation. My mental health scare this past summer was my first experience with psychosis and prolonged mania, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. My life can never be the same, and that has been wildly challenging to reckon with. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle moving forward with things as they are now.

Thanks, I'll have a read through! And likewise, this used to be a holiday where everyone would just come together for a laugh.



Don't worry, literal same situation - I'm located in the North of England and they do a "turning on the lights" thing for 2 days, we used to go to that every year and I went there on my own, broke down within 5 seconds of getting there and then went home

I feel you when you say everything, from going for a walk, to even just getting in the front door and hoping for that person to greet you.. a lot of my TV shows and YouTube videos I can't/don't watch because they're what we used to sit down every evening and watch together - The Bear, Stranger Things etc - I was really enjoying The Bear too..

Idk what genre they fall under, but there was a few movies I was interested in, annoyingly they were in the Cinema prior to our separation and so I wanted to go watch them with her, but alas.. it was The Long Walk (Based on Stephen Kings Novel), Weapons (Think it's some kids that vanish and do crazy shit) and then Together (Couple slowly become fused together).

It's nice bouncing the emotion and disappointment off someone else who is also struggling though - as long as it's not causing us any additional negativity. It's crazy how ingrained someone can be in your life and then just *poof*, you're like some lost puppy in the middle of a desert with no sense of direction.

Oh wow, "The Bear" and "Stranger Things" were two of our shows, too! I absolutely don't have the heart to continue either of them at this moment, either.

I definitely feel you. It's almost like experiencing a death. I was just saying the other day that it's crazy how someone can be your entire world one day, and then suddenly gone forever. I keep having dreams about them, too, and it just makes waking up feel so hard.

I appreciate you talking with me tonight. It does help.

 

[At The Bus Stop]

Thanks for linking that thread, I'm going to dip in there tonight for sure.

I also definitely hear you with "whole way of life", though I don't mean to imply I know your situation. My mental health scare this past summer was my first experience with psychosis and prolonged mania, and I feel like I've lost myself completely. My life can never be the same, and that has been wildly challenging to reckon with. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle moving forward with things as they are now.


Oh wow, "The Bear" and "Stranger Things" were two of our shows, too! I absolutely don't have the heart to continue either of them at this moment, either.

I definitely feel you. It's almost like experiencing a death. I was just saying the other day that it's crazy how someone can be your entire world one day, and then suddenly gone forever. I keep having dreams about them, too, and it just makes waking up feel so hard.

I appreciate you talking with me tonight. It does help.

Thankfully I don't dream, or at least I don't feel like I do - I can't remember having a dream I remember anytime recently at least anyway. But yeah, I suppose that's the idea of it, the death of the half of you that existed when you were with that person? or perhaps some are solely reliant on said other person and which would mean the death of the whole you. They both probably hurt just as bad, as it required relearning how to be an individual again.

Of course, I'm always happy for a chat assuming I'm available! It helps me as well as you, so we're both gaining something from it!

 

[theboy]

I feel u

 

[myfleetingmania]

I feel u

The freaking worst. Sending the hugs right back to you.

Thankfully I don't dream, or at least I don't feel like I do - I can't remember having a dream I remember anytime recently at least anyway. But yeah, I suppose that's the idea of it, the death of the half of you that existed when you were with that person? or perhaps some are solely reliant on said other person and which would mean the death of the whole you. They both probably hurt just as bad, as it required relearning how to be an individual again.

Of course, I'm always happy for a chat assuming I'm available! It helps me as well as you, so we're both gaining something from it!

Envious of your lack of dreams, that's for dang sure.

 

[At The Bus Stop]

The freaking worst. Sending the hugs right back to you.

Envious of your lack of dreams, that's for dang sure.

Poor quality of sleep does that to you I guess - I'd be lucky to get an hour or two a night lately..

I just never feel tired, but also feel so bloody tired at the same time? Probably the depression if I'm being honest

 

[myfleetingmania]

Poor quality of sleep does that to you I guess - I'd be lucky to get an hour or two a night lately..

I just never feel tired, but also feel so bloody tired at the same time? Probably the depression if I'm being honest

See, I have the exact opposite issue—too much sleep, it's like all that I want to do. Anything to be disconnected from reality. It's been hard trying to find the joy in life lately. I've at least gotten to a point where I don't nap my entire day away anymore, but I look forward to sleep every night. It's the waking up that's the hard part.