Just about have had it - need to vent

[uglyugly]

I am at my rope's end, as usual. My dad fell AGAIN and is in the hospital AGAIN. I am so sick and fucking tired of trying to convince him that he needs more help than I can provide, e.g., assisted living. I am one person trying to maintain my own home, my pets, work full damn time at a job that is driving me insane AND take care of him. I am beyond exhausted, and it's not all physical. It's mostly mental and emotional. He was so damn confused tonight that he was trying to eat his blanket. This might be funny a year from now but right now it's not, at least to me. He said he saw my mom's picture in the bathroom. It isn't there. It never was. He thought he was at home when he was in the hospital. I can't fucking take any more of this. No one should be this stressed out.

Tonight is the eve of Samhain (Halloween) and it is supposed to be the time of year when the veil between the living and dead is the thinnest. I don't think he saw my mom's picture in the bathroom - I think he saw her because he is getting ready to die. I am sure she would come to help him cross over. I expect a phone call tomorrow morning saying that he is gone.

I am so beaten, broken, and exhausted. I am too tired to even feel anything. If there is a deity, which I don't think there is, it had damn well better help me because I am an eyelash away from losing my fucking mind.

Thanks for listening.