Venting Just a story

[wtg]

This probably sounds clichè but I just want to share my story. From the age of 15 until now, I have had suicidal thoughts. I don't have a single reason of why should I continue living. My parents even told me from time to time that It is better for me to die. Back in 2021, my method was starving to death. It was a really bad idea but now I could go without eating for 3 days before I pass out. After that, i tried to change my habit, I workout (did some calisthenic), i went out a lot alone (doesn't really help), and i tried new stuff (learnt a bit about coding, did boxing, etc). But after all that, nothing changes. I am still a loser. My parents hate me for doing boxing because they thought I'm gonna use it to punch them so I don't do it anymore even though I like it so much and consider doing tournament. I stop learning about coding because I am stuck and didn't understand basic things. I stopped working out when I helped my family business even though I learnt nothing from it. Also in the middle of all that, I had a crush on one girl in my school. She is like a role model to me. She is smart, caring and hard working. She was the reason I tried to be better. So one day, i confessed to her about my feeling and the next day, she said that she also felt the same way. I felt so happy that day. Even though months later, things didnt work out but I don't blame her for that. Actually i have predicted it but it still hurts somehow. I am the most boring person out there. I have nothing to be proud of, no hobby, no nothing. Now I am going into college not knowing what should I do. I could just go MIA because I'm in another country with no friends or family.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Your parents don't sound like the best people. If you're in a different country and aren't reliant on them, and you feel that you can do so, it might be a good idea to limit contact with them so they don't control you. You could maybe even find a boxing club either at the college or elsewhere and fulfill that passion. You also seem young so the world is your oyster, I'm sure you'll find another great woman and maybe you can also discover some new hobbies. College, in my experience, seems to be a great time to experiment. I fully plan on trying to do new things when I transfer to University.