Jumping/hello

[AmericanMary]

Hello! (Fixed and updated my previous post a bit)

Ive literally been fixating on finding the "perfect" method for the past few days. 100% it does not exist. As of now, jumping is going to be my plan.

This 100% is not my ideal way. I believe this is going to be a very peaceful, almost ritualistic experience. Jumping doesnt rly fit into the overall "picture" of the vibe im going for. And it's super messy & traumatizing if anyone saw/who finds me.

I am planning to ctb this weekend. Spend the day making a dream of mine come true. Check into a nice hotel, room service, hot bath, alone time. Then get hammed & jump. Hopefully, i will be able to find a hotel with a balcony really high. This is my biggest concern. How do you request a really high room with a balcony? Does that seem sus?

Ideally SN would have been my first choice. No way of sourcing and obtaining by this weekend. I could push it off a week, but sourcing still seens rly hard.

I like the exit bag. But it seems way too complicated.

I honestly do not think i could do a partial suspension or night night method alone. And a full suspension seems like the literal last resort.

My absolute dream way to ctb is to give myself to a shark. But thats like super expensive, nobody would find me or know, and i feel like itll be rly hard to radomly run into a shark in the ocean.

So i think im going to plan to jump. Its simple. Cheap. Should get the job done.

During the next few days, i will be writing letters & care instructions for my cat. Maybeeeee drafting a will? I need to look more into this. I'm open to suggestions on what else I should do prior.

I have truly been finding this experience to be peaceful. It is the first thing i have cared about rly in a while. It's bringing me energy and excitment.

I am bipolar, have ocd, and trauma. Been in therapy & on/off meds for years. Yes, i am in so much pain. But my goal of this is not simply "i want to di-." This is not coming from an angry or hatred place. I just want to rest. I want my mind to just be able to rest.

I have been attempted to ctb before. Ive def thought about it on& off forever. But ive never tried it. Ive never set the plan into motion. In doing so, and from a place of peace, i know that i am ready.

I do believe my next post will be the goodbye.

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

I've been researching a lot of methods and jumping is probably the most scary. One thing to keep in mind is what's beneath, I thought it was only height and hard surface that mattered, but I saw a video of a guy that fell from 15 stories and landed on the roof of a car and survived. It really sucks that there's no guaranteed way out and we have to risk it all for peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find true peace from your suffering, I understand just wanting to rest, all I've ever personally wished for is to sleep for all eternity. But anyway best wishes.

 

[7seppuku]

Hey, personally id be so scared of SI right before jumping. I have a balcony and live in a high floor of a building so I really can do it whenever I want but im afraid of heights

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

How many floors is the hotel?

 

[AmericanMary]

How many floors is the hotel?

Unsure as of now. My goal today is the find the hotel. I can't rly got to a room. I live in a major US city and the gov has made it rly hard to do this.

The balcony, I won't know what room floor I have until I check in.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Unsure as of now. My goal today is the find the hotel. I can't rly got to a room. I live in a major US city and the gov has made it rly hard to do this.

The balcony, I won't know what room floor I have until I check in.

Be sure to check the height beforehand. AFAIK the minimum you should aim for is 100ft. Jumping is not something you want to play around with.

 

[AmericanMary]

Be sure to check the height beforehand. AFAIK the minimum you should aim for is 100ft. Jumping is not something you want to play around with.

Ofc. I have been studying this extensively. Thanks for the heads up. Finding the height shouldn't be a problem. I live in a rly big city in the states.

 

[AmericanMary]

Roomed booked!!

I am going to attempt a partial. But in the case I am not able to do it, I will jump off the balcony (with alcohol & sedatives). I am PRAYING they give me a room high up, so the balcony will work.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I've been researching a lot of methods and jumping is probably the most scary. One thing to keep in mind is what's beneath, I thought it was only height and hard surface that mattered, but I saw a video of a guy that fell from 15 stories and landed on the roof of a car and survived. It really sucks that there's no guaranteed way out and we have to risk it all for peace.

Yeah jumping isn't as easy as movies make it out to be. Even some woman who jumped from the Twin Towers survived for a while (her bottom body was totally mangled and splattered, but she could still talk). Be very careful with this one if you do it, Lily.

 

[AmericanMary]

Yeah jumping isn't as easy as movies make it out to be. Even some woman who jumped from the Twin Towers survived for a while (her bottom body was totally mangled and splattered, but she could still talk). Be very careful with this one if you do it, Lily.

Jumping is 100% not the way I want to go. But at this point, might literally be the only option. I don't think I will have an issue with the actual jump. I do not think SI will get in the way. I have pushed myself through A LOT. I am RLY into bdsm & people do all kinds of CRAZY things to me all of the time. I can 100% push past the adrenaline, SI, fight or flight stuff.

I am going to attempt a partial hanging first. Never tested it (although I have a lot of rope, arterie & pressure point knowledge). I have a lot of experience with that is should feel like.. people often blood choke me unconscious. I just don't know if I can get it done myself, correctly. Should this not work, imma jump.

Ideally I'd use SN. But I can't find a source & have it delivered within days.