Discussion Journal here -- So, how's your day? Be honest

[Riddles]

So, I have always been in my room all day... Thinking about my life and mildly depressed. At least I'm not that suicidal anymore... It has always been like that for almost 2 weeks I haven't been going out from my room. I'm glad it wasn't going out of the closet hrrr. Well, I've been thinking about how to solve my problems over my frustration at a certain someone that ticked me off because what they said.

Then I've always thought about making a friend back to being an acquiantance and it doesn't make me feel that too good. It's alright that I come out of the room like having a breath outside or talk for a minute to a person.

The cause of having social anxiety back when I was in high school till my college years.. I kind of found a way to get off of it. And it is really helping. Talking to people around you makes a tremendous difference. This is the light that I bathe in now lately when I had those kind of deep scaring struggles.

Then there comes struggles financially, but I have been blessed by God to know that my grandparents would sponsor me for going to college. It took a deep toll struggling to think about school.

Overall today, I feel like I'm about to go crazy. That's what honestly in my head. And I keep checking SS out.. to keep me away from pondering such problems that I still can't find a way to solve. But to think, I felt that God thought about me when my grandparents told me such.

I still have to think about my problems again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I live an empty existence, in a way it is like I have already died. I think in my case I simply do not want to be alive and nothing will make me want to live. My days are very long and tiring. Every day is the same. I do not really enjoy anything, I just try to pass the time. All I want is to be free from existence. I am done with life.

 

[Riddles]

I live an empty existence, in a way it is like I have already died. I think in my case I simply do not want to be alive and nothing will make me want to live. My days are very long and tiring. Every day is the same. I do not really enjoy anything, I just try to pass the time. All I want is to be free from existence. I am done with life.

How long have you been like this?

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

So, I have always been in my room all day... Thinking about my life and mildly depressed. At least I'm not that suicidal anymore... It has always been like that for almost 2 weeks I haven't been going out from my room. I'm glad it wasn't going out of the closet hrrr. Well, I've been thinking about how to solve my problems over my frustration at a certain someone that ticked me off because what they said.

Then I've always thought about making a friend back to being an acquiantance and it doesn't make me feel that too good. It's alright that I come out of the room like having a breath outside or talk for a minute to a person.

The cause of having social anxiety back when I was in high school till my college years.. I kind of found a way to get off of it. And it is really helping. Talking to people around you makes a tremendous difference. This is the light that I bathe in now lately when I had those kind of deep scaring struggles.

Then there comes struggles financially, but I have been blessed by God to know that my grandparents would sponsor me for going to college. It took a deep toll struggling to think about school.

Overall today, I feel like I'm about to go crazy. That's what honestly in my head. And I keep checking SS out.. to keep me away from pondering such problems that I still can't find a way to solve. But to think, I felt that God thought about me when my grandparents told me such.

I still have to think about my problems again.

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I hope you're gonna stay strong enough to solve most of your problems and find your happiness!! I'm happy that you have such wonderful grandparents!! I'm glad that you're going to college!!! I'm really happy for you!!

 

[FuneralCry]

How long have you been like this?

I have never wanted to be alive. I have became more suicidal over the years though and things have gotten worse. I want nothing to do with life.

 

[Riddles]

I hope you're gonna stay strong enough to solve most of your problems and find your happiness!! I'm happy that you have such wonderful grandparents!! I'm glad that you're going to college!!! I'm really happy for you!!

Wow. Thanks for the hearts. Yeah. It's normal let us be happy to people who get better each day.. even in a very depressing site like Sanction Suicide.. like what you're showing, "I hope no one has to ctb."

But then there are really terrible people... Do we wish for their death? Lol.

I have never wanted to be alive. I have became more suicidal over the years though and things have gotten worse. I want nothing to do with life.

That must be really bad... But I also wonder why everyone manages to survive.. I mean, we all need to be happy in the day, laugh, and talk.

 

[Riddles]

Journal#2
I HOPE YOU GET BETTER



My conversation with Kreeker
I hope we don't get to CTB

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I woke up like an hour ago but stayed in bed until just now and only got up because I had to go to the bathroom really badly but now I'm back in bed.

 

[TheHatedOne]

My day has been... normal I guess? I drank like an animal until 1 PM, I went to sleep by 1 PM, woke up for a bit at 5 PM then slept again until 8 PM, then I spent time on SS and now I just came back from eating. I'm buried in tons of homeworks for university but I don't care. Now I hate life and wish I could go to sleep again but I can't so I'll drink again.

 

[Pallf]

My day is shit but that's normal for me. I've thought of diy clitoridectomy for my own reasons. Pissed at my dad but I'm powerless to fix it. Been pondering why the masses hate suicide so much. Seems to me it fixes a few issues in the world. Don't know how many times I've heard the news doom about overpopulation, but if it's as bad as they say, there's no reason to prevent suicide. It's a problem with a solution right there.
Wanting to prevent suicide, but treating the suicidal like shit is bonkers reasoning to me. Either allow it to happen and chalk it up to being a normal part of life, or actually deal with the issues that drive people to suicide.
People are irritating, exhausting, and honestly not worth engaging with most of the time.

 

[motyxia]

I spent it inside my room again. Leave it only to make my bunny daughter's salads & bathroom. I cupped & released another wasp this morning. I don't know how they're getting in, we thought we blocked where they came in but it seems that wasn't it. Another day of nicotine withdrawals. Relying on weed to cope but I'm almost out. Looking around this site. I think it'll help me feel less alone but right now it scares me (like all social media). Forcing myself to post things so the fear goes away sooner, I love music so I try a music game thread. Typing replies to serious things but deleting them because I'm nervous. My fingers/hand/arm still hurts a lot, I hope it goes away soon because it's making daily tasks harder. I'm still waiting for them to stop ignoring me about important stuff. The scary near future is in the back of my mind, I'm trying to not think too much about it though. Really worried about how I'm meant to live ~5 years more when by the end of this month, I'm probably not safe anymore. Praying to a God I don't believe in that my mother's flight gets cancelled again because I'm scared of her coming back. I want to kill myself before it's too late but I need to live for my bunny daughter. So trying to not think deeply about it & just make it through one day. I think a thread like this that focuses on one day is good for that. So thank you OP for creating it.

The last part, today nothing happened but I feel worse than yesterday. Yesterday was surprisingly nice. Lots of things that are special to me, my favourite weather at my favourite time of day, a strange blue glow, & other lovely stuff. I hoped it were messages/signs things would start getting better, but that's so silly. I hate that any positive feelings last really short. It feels like the world is making fun of me when anything good happens. Today, all that's happened is in my head.

 

[BrokenHopes]

Woke up a few hours ago at my moms. I hate to be in my body since I developed a food addiction to cope with anxiety att depression. I gained 10kg. I am planning to eat very little for 10 days and take long walks. It will be extremley difficult for me. Before I gained the 10kg I actually had beautiful body, but I still felt very ugly.
I will journal here on SS to help me through it.

Soon I have to go to the store which I hate. Then Im riding my bike back home.

 

[Shadowplay]

Better. I was so dead yesterday I could not leave the house. Barely get out of bed.

 

[Pallf]

My mom asked me why I'm pissed at my dad. I know not to tell her because she's a snake and can't be trusted. I don't have anybody irl I can talk to about my issues, besides my therapist of course. It's getting harder and harder to go on. Something has to change and soon.

 

[Riddles]

I woke up like an hour ago but stayed in bed until just now and only got up because I had to go to the bathroom really badly but now I'm back in bed.

Yeah, I wake up in bed wanting to got to the bathroom, I used to before.

I think a thread like this that focuses on one day is good for that. So thank you OP for creating it.

I still haven't completely read your post but that's cool :) I think it's nice to journal and then us read your writing. It's like sharing a diary, and we can say encouraging things or the like to you :) I'm happy knowing that

 

[moshimoshi]

Today was strange. I only got 4 hours of sleep so maybe that's why. Also feeling sad about a lot of things. I haven't done anything today and I feel guilty about it. Feel a lot of anxiety and just depression

 

[Ferdinand Bardamu]

Sub-par. Slept like shit yesterday, so have done nothing today besides coom and play bideogaymez.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I keep on having fears about that old dude growing tired and annoyed with me and eventually leaving me. I texted him not that long ago and while his responses seem to be normal I keep on having these thoughts about him becoming secretly annoyed with me swirling around my head. It's make feel shitty and I keep on finding myself having to try and calm myself down and distract myself from them, unless I want them to take over me. I hate this. I've had worries and fears about stuff like this for a long time and it's only been getting worse with age. No matter how hard I try to push through it those thoughts always come back up and bite me in the ass. I keep on finding myself alternating between wanting to send him explicit videos of myself in an attempt to "keep him around" (I know my feelings come from a place irrationality and that I have no evidence to back up these suspicions), or to just not text him at all in order to "test him" and see if he tries to initiate a conversation with me (which is a terrible thing to do to him). I've had several occasions where, either high or drunk, I've texted him begging him not leave me. I can't handle relationships outside of familial ones and even then I have trouble with thoughts of them not actually liking me with our relationship hinging on this idealize image that they project onto me. Sometimes I think that they don't really care about me and are only being helpful and supportive of me for their own sake, which I know it isn't true.

Besides of all that crap, my day has been pretty boring. I have schoolwork to do and that's about it. I also have to look into some of the asynchronous assignments I have for this program at school I signed up for. I'm supposed to be going to my grandparents place tomorrow and then at some point, I'm guessing maybe Sunday, I'm going out with my mom to this restaurant so hopefully my weekend will overall be better than today.

 

[NullSz00]

Woke up and stared at the roof for like 45 minutes.