Things are getting really miserable. I've attempted suicide before with overdoses. Sometimes I called for help and other times I didn't. All they seemed to do was make me vomit a lot and damage my liver but i guess I never took enough. Mainly because it's impossible to stomach hundreds of pills my body just rejected them. I tried drinking bleach but that just makes you vomit as well and is impossible to keep down. One overdose damaged my stomach lining and made it bleed but even that has repaired itself.
I saw a guy in YouTube vlogging about a substance that seems to be really effective. I'll refer to it as N as others have on here I assume there a reason but I'll stick to forum etiquette. I'm not etirely sure how to obtain it at the moment but I have an inclination as to where to get it so I'll research that.
I've been reading about people's experiences who have been revived and it seems that being dead is just nothingness. Like being in a deep sleep except you're completely unaware of it. It takes away the good but it also takes away the bad. People who have experienced it said they would quite happily go back. It sounds like bliss.
I have bipolar disorder and I hate it. Medication helps a lot but I hate the feeling of taking pills every day. Needing to rely on medication just to function like a regular human being. The voices have been getting worse recently and I'm really low. I don't know if I want to live out the rest of my life. Being dead sounds better than being alive. I feel terrible saying that but I can't help feeling it.
The "entity" that's been following me for years has been getting more and more intense. I feel like I'm constantly being watched. I'm eating less than I used to before and I've never been a big eater. I just live on caffeine and nicotine at he moment I'm not even craving food. I don't want to go to a doctor because all they can really do is suggest medication. They can't completely take the voices away and if I'm being honest I do need help but I don't want to rely on other people. I'm too proud. I used to be in a supported living situation and they would insist that I get help. Maybe that's what I need but I'm too ashamed to go down that route again. I hate not being able to function by myself. I don't want to discuss everything with them incase they section me either. I have a lot of what people think of as paranoid thoughts which I've mentioned in my previous posts. They will try to make me think otherwise but i can't. My brain automatically thinks those things.
I want to get the right amount of N and find a nice spot near the sea which is secluded. It'll take a bit of preparation to get my affairs in order and make sure the stuff I've bought is genuine.
I'm available to pm if you want to.
I saw a guy in YouTube vlogging about a substance that seems to be really effective. I'll refer to it as N as others have on here I assume there a reason but I'll stick to forum etiquette. I'm not etirely sure how to obtain it at the moment but I have an inclination as to where to get it so I'll research that.
I've been reading about people's experiences who have been revived and it seems that being dead is just nothingness. Like being in a deep sleep except you're completely unaware of it. It takes away the good but it also takes away the bad. People who have experienced it said they would quite happily go back. It sounds like bliss.
I have bipolar disorder and I hate it. Medication helps a lot but I hate the feeling of taking pills every day. Needing to rely on medication just to function like a regular human being. The voices have been getting worse recently and I'm really low. I don't know if I want to live out the rest of my life. Being dead sounds better than being alive. I feel terrible saying that but I can't help feeling it.
The "entity" that's been following me for years has been getting more and more intense. I feel like I'm constantly being watched. I'm eating less than I used to before and I've never been a big eater. I just live on caffeine and nicotine at he moment I'm not even craving food. I don't want to go to a doctor because all they can really do is suggest medication. They can't completely take the voices away and if I'm being honest I do need help but I don't want to rely on other people. I'm too proud. I used to be in a supported living situation and they would insist that I get help. Maybe that's what I need but I'm too ashamed to go down that route again. I hate not being able to function by myself. I don't want to discuss everything with them incase they section me either. I have a lot of what people think of as paranoid thoughts which I've mentioned in my previous posts. They will try to make me think otherwise but i can't. My brain automatically thinks those things.
I want to get the right amount of N and find a nice spot near the sea which is secluded. It'll take a bit of preparation to get my affairs in order and make sure the stuff I've bought is genuine.
I'm available to pm if you want to.
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