Hi everyone,
New to the site. I've got a mood disorder which I was prescribed medication for. The medication works really well and when I take it things improve. Recently however I had forgotten to order my meds which meant I went about 5 days without medication.
After the first two days I started hearing voices again. There's one voice that really stands out whilst the rest are chattering quietly in the background. It keeps telling me not to take the medication and it gets angry when I think about taking it saying things like:
"You don't need it"
"It's poison"
"They're watching you"
"Don't trust anyone"
"You don't need help."
Tonight I heard something walking around my home. Every 30 minutes there's a thump on the floor like someone stamping there foot or heavy footsteps walking around. Sometimes I feel hands around my kneck like it's trying to strangle me. It's a medium pressure which I can push off. This thing has followed me around for years. It doesn't matter where I go it's like my shadow. It's like something is always watching me.
I put tape over all the lenses on my fire alarms because I'm sure there are cameras in them. They're the first thing I look for when I move to a new place. I'm currently depressed and when I'm depressed I experience all of the above along with suicidal ideation. The voices encourage it. I sleep in the day because I don't like hearing people outside. I know people have been looking into my home because I've heard them outside. Last week there were three guys trying to look in. I couldn't see them but I heard them and I've since covered all the windows so people can't see in.
Sometimes I sit in one spot all night in the dark waiting for it all to stop. I just want peace and quiet and to be left alone. I should take the medication but I hate relying on it and I'm sure they're putting something in it. I'm convinced that the world's water supply is being slowly poisoned. I boil and reboil my water to try to make sure it's as clean as possible. I want to contact the water companies to say something but it will bring unwanted attention to my door.
I used to have a kind psychiatrist but i don't know if I would trust him right now. I see people's faces change from friendly to an evil grin. I tell my friends and family that I'm fine because they can't help me. I feel guilty for feeling suicidal but if I tell them I will have to spend hours reassuring them that I won't act on it. I want it all to be over but I don't have the guts to go through with it. The voices want that. "Just do it!"
I don't know what to do. I don't want to call for help because I'm worried they'll lock me away. I was sectioned once before but I didn't like being caged. Fortunately I was hypomanic and they let me go and decided to meet me outside of that place. I never want to go back there. I know I can cure my illness without medication I'm not going to rely on it.
New to the site. I've got a mood disorder which I was prescribed medication for. The medication works really well and when I take it things improve. Recently however I had forgotten to order my meds which meant I went about 5 days without medication.
After the first two days I started hearing voices again. There's one voice that really stands out whilst the rest are chattering quietly in the background. It keeps telling me not to take the medication and it gets angry when I think about taking it saying things like:
"You don't need it"
"It's poison"
"They're watching you"
"Don't trust anyone"
"You don't need help."
Tonight I heard something walking around my home. Every 30 minutes there's a thump on the floor like someone stamping there foot or heavy footsteps walking around. Sometimes I feel hands around my kneck like it's trying to strangle me. It's a medium pressure which I can push off. This thing has followed me around for years. It doesn't matter where I go it's like my shadow. It's like something is always watching me.
I put tape over all the lenses on my fire alarms because I'm sure there are cameras in them. They're the first thing I look for when I move to a new place. I'm currently depressed and when I'm depressed I experience all of the above along with suicidal ideation. The voices encourage it. I sleep in the day because I don't like hearing people outside. I know people have been looking into my home because I've heard them outside. Last week there were three guys trying to look in. I couldn't see them but I heard them and I've since covered all the windows so people can't see in.
Sometimes I sit in one spot all night in the dark waiting for it all to stop. I just want peace and quiet and to be left alone. I should take the medication but I hate relying on it and I'm sure they're putting something in it. I'm convinced that the world's water supply is being slowly poisoned. I boil and reboil my water to try to make sure it's as clean as possible. I want to contact the water companies to say something but it will bring unwanted attention to my door.
I used to have a kind psychiatrist but i don't know if I would trust him right now. I see people's faces change from friendly to an evil grin. I tell my friends and family that I'm fine because they can't help me. I feel guilty for feeling suicidal but if I tell them I will have to spend hours reassuring them that I won't act on it. I want it all to be over but I don't have the guts to go through with it. The voices want that. "Just do it!"
I don't know what to do. I don't want to call for help because I'm worried they'll lock me away. I was sectioned once before but I didn't like being caged. Fortunately I was hypomanic and they let me go and decided to meet me outside of that place. I never want to go back there. I know I can cure my illness without medication I'm not going to rely on it.
