I
iglooblimp
Another parasite to Earth
- Oct 17, 2018
- 75
I tried not to feed the negative thoughts, tried to keep on thinking positively.
Earlier this year I made a promise to myself that if I couldn't find a job out of this country, a good-paying job that can sustain me and my family then I'll ctb. If I'm just a waste of space, can't contribute to anything, give back to the people I love, then there's really no reason for me to be here. My continued existence would just feed off their funds and weariness, and I don't want to live my life like this, feeling like shit, looking at my friends who've succeeded because they made the right choice, they had the financial assistance.
It's paradoxical, my wanting to ctb because I haven't been able to contribute to my family, but if I do ctb then that'll hurt my family in other ways. It's for their best. They deserved a better child, anyway.
I'm just tired of waiting for an opportunity to break this cycle. Seeing my friends live the lives they've wanted, reaching their goals, is becoming less and less of a positive motivation for me to become better, and more of a push towards the edge.
Earlier this year I made a promise to myself that if I couldn't find a job out of this country, a good-paying job that can sustain me and my family then I'll ctb. If I'm just a waste of space, can't contribute to anything, give back to the people I love, then there's really no reason for me to be here. My continued existence would just feed off their funds and weariness, and I don't want to live my life like this, feeling like shit, looking at my friends who've succeeded because they made the right choice, they had the financial assistance.
It's paradoxical, my wanting to ctb because I haven't been able to contribute to my family, but if I do ctb then that'll hurt my family in other ways. It's for their best. They deserved a better child, anyway.
I'm just tired of waiting for an opportunity to break this cycle. Seeing my friends live the lives they've wanted, reaching their goals, is becoming less and less of a positive motivation for me to become better, and more of a push towards the edge.