I've sealed my fate

[Earlgrey177]

I've done it, I just texted my boss that I quit. It was a good job, loved working with everyone there but I'm just kinda done, have been for a while now, have had bad days but always seem to make it through in the end, not today, I have 1 month of rent and thats it. I won't be able to find a job this time, I have no one to rely on, once the walls close in they will finally close. Im going to ride out this month and the next and then once the stress builds up that I can't pay rent and I'll be homeless, I'll finally have the courage to do it.


While I do say all this I wish it could be different, I want a better life, I want to get out of working night shift, I want a career and hobbies, partner etc. But I just can't do it, I'm 22, im getting older, I'm so behind in life and I quite frankly dont want to play the game anymore.

 

[Gonnerr]

Good luck , i think its the only way to ctb and beat SI when your situation gets too crazy or too painful for somebody with a disease.

 

[juneberry1234]

22 is still young, but it seems you're in a hole that is very hard to get out of. ctb might be the best option if everything else fails and you become homeless. Good luck.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Many will say that you're too young and haven't experienced life yet. I was told that long ago. I wish I stopped playing the game back then. I'm going to die regardless. And it's not like I'm going to be able to feel the regret of missing out on life when I'm dead anyways.

 

[new2blue]

22 years, while young, does feel like a lifetime, doesnt it? I am in my early thirties and that is young too, but if I were to be struck dead by a bus tomorrow while crossing the road, I would be satisfied with my time on this earth. I have known happiness, and terror, and beauty and misery. I wish I could reach through the internet and give you the slight comfort of understanding company. Whatever the future holds, I wish you well. You are worthy of peace. :)

 

[EndingEagle]

I hope you can find some happiness on the other side.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I would have thought some work experience rather than none would help you finding another job but I completely get it if you've had enough. I did night shift work for a very short period. 12 hour shifts. Exhausting. I hope you can do some nice things in your remaining month and you feel comfortable with the decision when you reach it.

 

[oddetoad]

That's actually a really smart way to do it
Forcing yourself to ctb with homelessness as the stick .. wish I could do that

You're still so young .. I feel old saying that I'm 30
But it's not gonna get better
I remember feeling absolutely hammered by life at that age as well. Everything around you just crushing itself down on you and the only thing you can do is press against it or surrender

Actually my depression is somewhat cured but it was for the price of my sanity and my identity

Many will say that you're too young and haven't experienced life yet. I was told that long ago. I wish I stopped playing the game back then. I'm going to die regardless. And it's not like I'm going to be able to feel the regret of missing out on life when I'm dead anyways.

It feels wrong saying this but I agree completely.
I would've done the same if I had the courage.
Now I lost all my dignity taking it this far into my 30s and also given young females a bad reason to continue living their life and possibly pro create ..
Going out young sends of a statement that this life isn't OK and it's not OK to force this life on innocent beings

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from all the suffering, best wishes.

 

[CheekyPhobia]

You seem determined and i have to wish you best luck. A lot of people counter this with "22 is young" and they are right but that doesnt mean all that much if your life is on a miserable trajectory. Being young in that case only means you get the pleasure of knowing the misery that waits you ahead and having no way to escape it.

 

[IWishToDie]

I've done it, I just texted my boss that I quit. It was a good job, loved working with everyone there but I'm just kinda done, have been for a while now, have had bad days but always seem to make it through in the end, not today, I have 1 month of rent and thats it. I won't be able to find a job this time, I have no one to rely on, once the walls close in they will finally close. Im going to ride out this month and the next and then once the stress builds up that I can't pay rent and I'll be homeless, I'll finally have the courage to do it.


While I do say all this I wish it could be different, I want a better life, I want to get out of working night shift, I want a career and hobbies, partner etc. But I just can't do it, I'm 22, im getting older, I'm so behind in life and I quite frankly dont want to play the game anymore.

Damn. If you're still alive, don't give up yet. I'm 28 and I'm 'so behind', except I'm living with a physical injury now. The pain is unbearable. You have any idea what I would give to go back to your age and have a body that could be shaped into an athletic machine? Damn, you are lucky. Get a trade job, get away from corporate stooges and cubical life, it's cancer. If you're a man, you're meant to be using your body. Night shift? Horrible for your endocrine system, it's no wonder you want to put a bullet into your head. My 2 cents. Whatever you choose, it's up to you but from what you've said, I don't think you should quit life just yet. Best of luck anon.

 

[february in alaska]

My heart goes out to you OP. I'm "only" twenty one and I have definitely been self sabotaging my life in similar ways. I wish I had the courage to do it all in one foul swoop and force myself to run out of options in this way, but I know it's not anywhere near easy and I'm sorry for all you've suffered

I obviously don't know your situation as well as you do, but really do try to enjoy your last month as much as you can. Spend it doing things you love, if you have anything like that. And if you still see CTB as the only way when that time runs out, I genuinely hope the other side is kinder to you. Take care stranger