I’ve Reached the Darkest Point in my Life

[Freaknik]

Insane amounts of personal stress have accumulated in my life between the past few weeks and, over time, have completely clouded my mind. I am unable to think clearly and, no matter the situation I'm placed into, my thoughts eventually gravitate towards finding an escape from this world. I've been struggling with extreme body dysmorphia, anxiety, depressive thoughts, and am currently enrolled in college to obtain a degree in a field that my family does not approve of — I would rather pursue my passions and dreams than simply be stuck at a miserable 9-5 job for the rest of my life; I would rather try and fail than to never attempt it at all. With all these issues working together to tear me apart, it has ultimately brought me to by breaking point. I've grown tired of the constant failure, rejection, and loneliness that I have faced all throughout my life. Looking around me, I see others leading fulfilling lives, with some practically being blessed with everything at birth, and am reminded of just how insignificant I am in comparison. Despite this, I am not bitter at the world, and realize that my situation is, after all, a result of bad luck.

All I wish is to have the weight of my worries be lifted off my shoulders. At the very least, I want to somehow be at peace with the world and with myself. I'm at a crossroads in life right now, and am unsure of wether to continue or give up. All I see in my future is suffering and disappointment, and I constantly ask myself, "Why torture myself when I could simply give it all away?" I don't understand why anyone would, or should, live a life that is destined to go nowhere. Though, I just hope that one day, I'll finally be able to achieve the solace and closure that I've been chasing for years.

 

[SVEN]

Maybe have a look in the recovery section if you are unsure which way to turn at the crossroads. As long as you have hope I'd advise you to pursue it.
Whatever you choose, best wishes.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever you decide.