Venting I’ve reached my limit

[clementinemure]

I really thought I would be able to get better, I thought I had a future, I thought I would get over the trauma I have, I thought I was loved and important in my relationship. I trusted him with all my heart, I did everything I could. No matter what he wanted me to do I did it. I didn't care if it made me feel bad, it made him feel good so I thought it was all good. But it wasn't, he kept lying to my face multiple times. He kept telling me I was the only one when it wasn't true. He kept telling me he wasn't doing the things he were doing. He kept telling me he wasn't interested in it. He lied to my face multiple. He knows I was taken advantage of multiple times in my past relationship and he still did it. I have zero energy to keep going, he said he's gonna get help but I know him. I know he won't get help, he's gonna keep using excuses to not get help. I did everything, I told him everything, he comforted me a lot about it. I trusted him so much. I feel destroyed, I don't have any trust left in him, he lied to me multiple times and only came out with the truth but I found it myself and had proof. I feel horrible, I feel like I was never enough for him. I thought we had something special, he was so important to me and we talked about serious stuff like getting married to me one day. I can't keep going like this, it's been going on for a few days and the situation still hasn't gotten better. My family knows I'm suicidal and they've been checking me, they took my cutters so I can't cut myself anymore. I tried hanging myself but I wasn't able to do the knots correctly. I forgot to put the rope away and they found it and put it away. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm forced to live a life I don't want to, I can't escape this shit life. I have no solution and I want to ctb so fucking bad. I can't keep waking up everyday feeling like this. I have zero fucking energy and I have no reason to try to keep going anymore.

 

[puella]

I'm sorry for all the trauma you've faced and all the hurt you're feeling. The world should be so much kinder to you.

If you've reached a breaking point, is it possible for you to take a break? You deserve the opportunity to try to rest and recover directly after a painful event. I hope your family is caring and would be understanding if you needed to just stay in bed for a few days.

I know regaining some energy temporary won't solve your problems, but it could give you strength to feel like you could keep going. And if it doesn't, at least your thoughts will be running slower when you CTB.

 

[Need Peace]

I can relate so well to you. Over and over again, I keep making horrible decisions, putting myself in a position to get hurt. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to get so hurt that I just stopped dating for 12 years and I finally decided to give it a try again and I just got manipulated and used again. I have no one to blame but myself. I keep doing the same shit over and over. I fucking hate myself so much.

That said, I really hope things get better for you. You said its only been a few days. I know how intense the feelings can be right now. Maybe if you give it a little more time and let your family help you things can get better.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

 

[clementinemure]

I'm sorry for all the trauma you've faced and all the hurt you're feeling. The world should be so much kinder to you.

If you've reached a breaking point, is it possible for you to take a break? You deserve the opportunity to try to rest and recover directly after a painful event. I hope your family is caring and would be understanding if you needed to just stay in bed for a few days.

I know regaining some energy temporary won't solve your problems, but it could give you strength to feel like you could keep going. And if it doesn't, at least your thoughts will be running slower when you CTB.

I can't really try to take a break tbh, I've been off work for a while now and I'm not with my bf, I panic a lot and just get worse. I'm still able to have a few peaceful and okay moments with him and I cherish it a lot.

I can relate so well to you. Over and over again, I keep making horrible decisions, putting myself in a position to get hurt. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to get so hurt that I just stopped dating for 12 years and I finally decided to give it a try again and I just got manipulated and used again. I have no one to blame but myself. I keep doing the same shit over and over. I fucking hate myself so much.

That said, I really hope things get better for you. You said its only been a few days. I know how intense the feelings can be right now. Maybe if you give it a little more time and let your family help you things can get better.

Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.

I really don't know what to do. I have a social worker that I see every now and then and I'm seeing her on Wednesday. I feel like it's so far away and I feel like I'll just be so exhausted that I won't even be able to tell her what's wrong

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that it's so dreadful and tiring feeling trapped in this existence, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing on our own terms, it really should be much more straightforward to permanently be free from all the suffering that existing brings. But anyway best wishes.

 

[clementinemure]

I get that it's so dreadful and tiring feeling trapped in this existence, I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing on our own terms, it really should be much more straightforward to permanently be free from all the suffering that existing brings. But anyway best wishes.

I agree. I live in Canada where assisted suicide is legal for those who suffer from long term mental health but I know my doctors would never allow it.

 

[haibane]

Im so sorry u have to go through all that. Life is truly unfair. Hope u will find peace

 

[clementinemure]

Im so sorry u have to go through all that. Life is truly unfair. Hope u will find peace

Thank you