I've never written a real suicide note/letter...

[Lightina Yagami]

There's just way too much I wanna say, I would probably not even be able to remember everything I wanna say when I start writing one. I mean I've tried but I always end up throwing it away. I also have an issue with lying/never being 100%honest. Like especially in a suicide letter, I don't want ppl to know i'm not that special as I make myself out to be or that I'm not as good as they think. This may sound bad (probably bc it is) and I know many ppl feel the same way but I want people to feel incredibly sad when I'm gone or even if I'm in the hospital. Not that they deserve but I just do. The only people I don't want to feel bad are my cats and my little niece who looks up to me. I mean why would i admit that I hoped and prayed that every single on of them would die and that I still do for no real reason. Like I don't want to be remembered as the person who hoped/prayed that their loved ones would die (bc wtf, I'm exaggerating obviously but still wtf). Also I always end up talking way too much when I'm talking abt myself (if you didn't notice yet) Like I don't think I have enough paper for my suicide letter. However even tho I never had one in every single one of my attempts I still kinda desire to be able to write one. I want people to know that I've been trying for a long time and that the people who made me get to this point know that they're one of the reasons I'm gone.

Anyways I was curious, did you guys ever write a suicide note/letter or do you have the same issue I do?

 

[Yankey Doodle]

Honestly, I've written a draft on my phone if ever and honestly I just wrote whatever came to my mind without much thought. Its incoherent yet it sends its message across. My advice, sometimes you don't need to think about writing because you're only limiting with what you want to say ironically enough.

 

[Lament]

I think with this it's important to remember that an action speaks a thousand words. If and when anyone finds a letter accompanying someone who CTB'd, there's a lot to take in. Beyond all else a recognition that you were truly suffering greatly enough that you'd rather not live. I think within this context, nobody will jump towards you making yourself out to be special, or jump to remembering you for things that you thought solely to yourself about the world under the weight of your unhappy experience. Ending your life to me is almost beyond ego or selfishness, it's sort of willingly departing yourself from your ego due to the weight of the suffering being externally inflicted unto it. Anyone who hears of one's passing will likely feel empathy for the circumstances that must have been serious enough for the action to occur, and pity/sympathy for those close who will be more affected by it.

The note then to me should be centred around things that only really could be said 'now that we're here'. Now that they can't really ask you what's wrong or what you were thinking. A last opportunity to share any thoughts you think are important enough for someone to read; an honest one-way message from you to them. Could be a goodbye, could be a 'you did this to me' (though just to me I'd have a hard time justifying that one to myself, we may differ though!!), could be a lament about the world and your situation to let people in on what you were going through. I don't think the note or anything on it will be what most people will primarily remember you by, so I wouldn't put that at the forefront of your concerns.

My honest sympathies to you for what you're going through and I wish you the greatest success in finding the peace of mind and soul you deserve. I hope this helps in any way. <3

 

[aura.]

yep, me too. never written a note or anything i just could never put it all into words.