SonicNurse
New Member
- Nov 20, 2025
- 1
This is my online suicide note. May it never be found.
I am an 18 year old college student in America. By most accounts I have a pretty good life. I have parents who've given me a lot of opportunities and who've loved me even when I made it hard to. I have a girlfriend who lives far away but loves me very much. But I'm just not happy. Since I was born I've felt like something was off inside my head, like I missed the day in class where they taught us how to be people. When I was 13 I learned what the word transgender meant, and I thought I found the answer. I told my mother and father about it, and they had a bad reaction to it. So I pushed away those thoughts. High school held other hells for me anyway, and those kept me distracted for a little while. College came and it became increasingly clear I'm not made for living. All throughout my life Ive felt suicidal, but I denied those feelings, hoping that something in my life was going to change and I'd be happy. But people like me just aren't meant for that, we are statistics, gossip, a background character in someone else's life. Suicide makes sense, it was living that was thoughtless and impulsive. I've pushed away almost everybody that ever cared about me, the only ones left are my parents and girlfriend. I know if I keep living I'd only push them away too, and the thought of that scares me more than anything. So I'm giving myself one last week to be the best I can be to the people who still care about me, hopefully they'll remember me well. I plan to die peacefully on December 1st, listening to my favorite music as I drift off to an endless sleep. I have a single room (tranny mentality) and nobody on campus who'd care enough to look, so I won't be discovered until the smell of rot is so overpowering my neighbors take notice. I know my death will hurt my loved ones, but I've made it clear in the notes I've written that it isn't their fault, and they're all strong people. It won't be long until I'm a dull half memory, and I like it that way. I can't disappoint them any further. I feel at peace and in control in a way I haven't in a very long time.
I am an 18 year old college student in America. By most accounts I have a pretty good life. I have parents who've given me a lot of opportunities and who've loved me even when I made it hard to. I have a girlfriend who lives far away but loves me very much. But I'm just not happy. Since I was born I've felt like something was off inside my head, like I missed the day in class where they taught us how to be people. When I was 13 I learned what the word transgender meant, and I thought I found the answer. I told my mother and father about it, and they had a bad reaction to it. So I pushed away those thoughts. High school held other hells for me anyway, and those kept me distracted for a little while. College came and it became increasingly clear I'm not made for living. All throughout my life Ive felt suicidal, but I denied those feelings, hoping that something in my life was going to change and I'd be happy. But people like me just aren't meant for that, we are statistics, gossip, a background character in someone else's life. Suicide makes sense, it was living that was thoughtless and impulsive. I've pushed away almost everybody that ever cared about me, the only ones left are my parents and girlfriend. I know if I keep living I'd only push them away too, and the thought of that scares me more than anything. So I'm giving myself one last week to be the best I can be to the people who still care about me, hopefully they'll remember me well. I plan to die peacefully on December 1st, listening to my favorite music as I drift off to an endless sleep. I have a single room (tranny mentality) and nobody on campus who'd care enough to look, so I won't be discovered until the smell of rot is so overpowering my neighbors take notice. I know my death will hurt my loved ones, but I've made it clear in the notes I've written that it isn't their fault, and they're all strong people. It won't be long until I'm a dull half memory, and I like it that way. I can't disappoint them any further. I feel at peace and in control in a way I haven't in a very long time.
