Method I’ve just ordered SN

[Nurse T]

I've done it, I've just ordered SN, I'm in UK.
It seemed a little to easy, but I made sure it was Nitrite and not nitrate, and it said it's purity was 99.5%, I ordered 50g as I only weigh 57kg.
Is it wrong that I feel relieved??
I haven't gone for express delivery, as I would like it to arrive after my birthday which is in a couple weeks!! I can now start to prepare, and I feel like I can now go and fun for the next couple weeks knowing the end is in sight.
Thank you for everyone's, threads, thoughts, experiences and advice.
Just another thought though, how do we know we are not being watched on this forum???? Surely pro lifers or health professionals are not naive enough to think this sort of thing doesn't go on??
I may just be being paranoid, anyone else had same thoughts?
thanks

 

[almost_dead]

We feel relieved prolly because after we get the means to CTB , life is a matter of choice and not something forced upon us (like at birth) . Also I am also concerned with the question of prolifers/government watching over us . Do people here use VPN ?

 

[Nurse T]

We feel relieved prolly because after we get the means to CTB , life is a matter of choice and not something forced upon us (like at birth) . Also I am also concerned with the question of prolifers/government watching over us . Do people here use VPN ?

I'm in the uk so not sure what they would use, I just know that I found this site after watching a documentary of a girl that CTB after using a forum, and that's what gave me the idea, I'm just being paranoid about if there are people on here who are just watching? It could just be my paranoid brain!!!

 

[Xander_McG]

There probably will be someone somewhere monitoring this forum for stuff about this but Ive been looking on here for the past couple of days and havent read anything about people being intercepted before ctb.

OP i also ordered my SN during the weekend from online (being in the uk myself). There's nothing wrong for feeling relived in having got it, i am similarly relieved that I have it, just so it is there incase it gets too much anymore and I have a backup plan.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I was able to read most of everything here before becoming a member. I will almost guarantee- there are people here looking at the very least that are against the desire to CTB. Some have probably been members. I try to be very cautious about saying certain things like I will not comment on CTBing now threads. In case it could land me in jail for not trying to talk someone out of it. I will whisper their screen name and I hope you've found peace. Read the new thread SS has been removed from search engines in Germany. The short time I've been a lurker now member I have participated and read so much. As a 48/woman and mother it does hurt my heart that certain information is freely available that someone under 18 can read. Being a teenager is rough with hormones let alone someone who has had very unfortunate experiences in life. Not all but some of those who are so young only need some time and things could be better. They're also more likely to act on impulse. At least that was my case as a teen.

I ordered my SN and I just could not stop smiling. It felt like such a relief from this painful existence I am here for. I was so... over filled with joy and excitement- my mom who lives with me was waiting at the bathroom door. I came out of bathroom and burst out in a HUGE smile, started laughing and pointing up I'm going I'm going I said. She said you are laughing whats going on? Since my son died 3 yrs ago I have not smiled or laughed. All I could do standing there was say I'm going while jumping up and down pointing up. I believe I will be reunited with my son in my afterlife. She asked do I need to call someone? I said nope I'm not going today but I'm going. I've said it for 3 years I want to go. I know she suspects something as her & my bro who also moved into my house double teamed me 2 days later. I now know my mother at least understands I will be going and existing is just to painful.

My SN arrived Saturday. Holding it I had many different emotions. None sad.. I hope I can wait until the day my son died next month. I don't want to cause 2 painful days for my family. It's a relief, I'm actually calm because I have a way to go. I haven't had hysterical moments for my son in a couple of days because I now know I have my one way ticket... no it isn't wrong you feel relieved. I imagine most who are only existing painfully do feel that way.

 

[Nurse T]

I was able to read most of everything here before becoming a member. I will almost guarantee- there are people here looking at the very least that are against the desire to CTB. Some have probably been members. I try to be very cautious about saying certain things like I will not comment on CTBing now threads. In case it could land me in jail for not trying to talk someone out of it. I will whisper their screen name and I hope you've found peace. Read the new thread SS has been removed from search engines in Germany. The short time I've been a lurker now member I have participated and read so much. As a 48/woman and mother it does hurt my heart that certain information is freely available that someone under 18 can read. Being a teenager is rough with hormones let alone someone who has had very unfortunate experiences in life. Not all but some of those who are so young only need some time and things could be better. They're also more likely to act on impulse. At least that was my case as a teen.

I ordered my SN and I just could not stop smiling. It felt like such a relief from this painful existence I am here for. I was so... over filled with joy and excitement- my mom who lives with me was waiting at the bathroom door. I came out of bathroom and burst out in a HUGE smile, started laughing and pointing up I'm going I'm going I said. She said you are laughing whats going on? Since my son died 3 yrs ago I have not smiled or laughed. All I could do standing there was say I'm going while jumping up and down pointing up. I believe I will be reunited with my son in my afterlife. She asked do I need to call someone? I said nope I'm not going today but I'm going. I've said it for 3 years I want to go. I know she suspects something as her & my bro who also moved into my house double teamed me 2 days later. I now know my mother at least understands I will be going and existing is just to painful.

My SN arrived Saturday. Holding it I had many different emotions. None sad.. I hope I can wait until the day my son died next month. I don't want to cause 2 painful days for my family. It's a relief, I'm actually calm because I have a way to go. I haven't had hysterical moments for my son in a couple of days because I now know I have my one way ticket... no it isn't wrong you feel relieved. I imagine most who are only existing painfully do feel that way.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son, I can understand why you would want to go and be with him. I don't have children so I won't say I know how you feel, but I know that I wish to be reunited with my grandad and a close friend who recently died of CTB although I don't think she meant to do it, she had been in hospital for years and did quite a lot of self harming and only my opinion I have no proof but I feel her luck ran out. I wish you good luck on your journey, again I don't condone encouraging others, but I do wish you a peaceful existence whether that here or up there. Take care x

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I'm so sorry to hear about your son, I can understand why you would want to go and be with him. I don't have children so I won't say I know how you feel, but I know that I wish to be reunited with my grandad and a close friend who recently died of CTB although I don't think she meant to do it, she had been in hospital for years and did quite a lot of self harming and only my opinion I have no proof but I feel her luck ran out. I wish you good luck on your journey, again I don't condone encouraging others, but I do wish you a peaceful existence whether that here or up there. Take care x

thank you. I died with him that day my body just exists here I guess it forgot to go. I'm so very sorry about your grand dad and friend. " I wish you good luck on your journey, again I don't condone encouraging others, but I do wish you a peaceful existence whether that here or up there." ditto. I wish you peace regardless of how you have to find it- here or reuniting with your loved ones. I do believe we are reunited when we go.

 

[checkouttime]

Just another thought though, how do we know we are not being watched on this forum???? Surely pro lifers or health professionals are not naive enough to think this sort of thing doesn't go on??
I may just be being paranoid, anyone else had same thoughts?
thanks

We are being watched! 100% and don't think for a minute we aren't! Thats why people should be careful what they post etc. Some people worry about it more than others.

You can never be too careful they say! so being paranoid makes perfect sense!

Put it this way you won't be going to jail. Its mad actually, out of all the places i would think you could get in the worse trouble (USA) I think its easiest to obtain(not 100% certain on this)

 

[Disco Biscuit]

I'm in the uk so not sure what they would use, I just know that I found this site after watching a documentary of a girl that CTB after using a forum, and that's what gave me the idea, I'm just being paranoid about if there are people on here who are just watching? It could just be my paranoid brain!!!

I don't think we need to worry about the government putting resources into proactive suicide prevention in the UK. The police will intervene on an individual basis if they know of someone who is a risk but there's no systematic preventative monitoring.

Everything we do online in the UK is captured by GCHQ but intelligence agencies will only look at this data on a retroactive basis if computers pick up on a suspicious pattern of behaviour or if someone is brought to their attention (but if you're behaving suspiciously then you'll be likely covering your tracks anyway). I don't think they're interested in the slightest in using this immense power for suicide prevention.