Venting I've just been discharged but I'm nowhere near better

[ashfall]

I've been an outpatient at a public mental health clinic near my house for the last couple of months. I attend two or three times a week to meet with a nurse who does talk therapy and cbt exercises with me. There's a psychiatry team there who made an initial assessment and prescribes me medications and treatments and a doctor on call my nurse sends me to if she's worried about me. The place wasn't perfect but the people were very friendly and my nurse is lovely. I don't know how much good any of the exercises were doing but I really wanted to get better for my family's sake and have done my best to engage with them. I found just having a place to go where understanding people checked in on me regularly kind of helped. The nurse would make me promise every time I left that I wouldn't kill myself before our next appointment. I found that made getting through each day without ctb more bearable as I could convince myself I only needed to live for another couple of days rather than indefinitely.

Well, today the doctor on call discharged me and it came out of nowhere. I'm completely devastated and still in shock to be honest. Apparently, they took the fact I was engaging in the treatment to mean I don't need it anymore. I'm nowhere near better - they know I had a close call on Sunday for Christ's sake! That place was my entire support system and now it's gone. I cried as I walked home today. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I just feel kind of empty now to be honest. The only reason I'm hanging on is that I know my family will be devastated if I die and I don't want to do that to them. This is kind of the last straw though. The truth is I want more than anything to be dead. I have no hope for the future. I know I should want to get better and my family want me to and I used that to motivate me to try so hard. I can't do this by myself. I'm so tired. It feels like this is a sign from the world it's time to stop trying and give up. I know it's stupid but that place was the only reason I lasted so long and now it's gone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. My family try and I love them but despite my efforts, they fundamentally don't understand my issues. The only constant thing I could rely on in my life has been taken away.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice? I know it's pathetic but I feel so alone right now.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Yes. I've been through something similar and I'm sorry it was done so abruptly to you and that they did not guide you to build a support network outside of them, or to prepare you for discharge/termination from services.

I'm not sure what can help. Are there any other community based services you can tap onto? I'll love to offer my listening ear, but I'm nowhere positive enough to be a good support. I do want you to know that you are not alone and that most of us here are happy to stay with you here on your journey. Keep writing and sharing at your comfort level.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

Im sorry that they discharged you so suddenly. When I got discharged my therapist told me a couple of sessions before hand, so it didn't feel like a complete shock. Nevertheless, I was devastated and cried. You know we build these attachments (that are saving us literally) and then we have to let go.
Did they not tell you of other support systems or anything that you could access to help support you?
I'm in England and they do discharge plans.
I'm really sorry. An ear to listen

 

[waitingforrest]

I have felt the exact same leaving the hospital many times. In the hospital, they amp me up and make me feel like I can take back control of my life. But when I step right out, everything falls apart. What cones up must come down, right? Haha, sorry.

I'm sorry that they discharged you when you weren't ready. And that your family can't seem to understand your issues. Loosing a support system is never easy, especially when it's hard to get one in the first place.

 

[ashfall]

Thank you to everyone for all the lovely replies. Hearing about your similar experiences really helps me feel a lot less alone.

Im sorry that they discharged you so suddenly. When I got discharged my therapist told me a couple of sessions before hand, so it didn't feel like a complete shock. Nevertheless, I was devastated and cried. You know we build these attachments (that are saving us literally) and then we have to let go.
Did they not tell you of other support systems or anything that you could access to help support you?
I'm in England and they do discharge plans.
I'm really sorry. An ear to listen

The hospital didn't tell me that they were planning to discharge me before today. I have one session left tomorrow and then I'm on my own. The doctor did suggest finding a private cbt specialist last week but said it was because the onsite one has a months-long waiting list - not because they were planning to discharge me. I met with a psychotherapist on Monday for an initial assessment and I liked her but she chose not to take my case. Ironically it was because she thought I am currently too unstable/ suicidal for pure cbt and she would have to spend half our sessions doing risk assessments. Her recommendation was to stay with my current clinic and that support system until I am more mentally stable. Which is now not an option.

I don't really know what to do. On one hand, there isn't any point in playing down my situation so someone will take my case because that defeats the point. On the other hand, private treatment is expensive and I have to spend lots of money on initial assessments with different people who don't offer support until the second appointment if they decide to take my case. Never mind the fact they all have weeks or months-long waiting lists. I'm also really not looking forward to starting all over again with someone who doesn't know me and I don't trust. I really hate having to explain my situation from the start to new people.

I'm planning to try and convince them to let me stay in my last session tomorrow. I know it probably won't work but maybe if I show how upset I am they'll understand how much I need this and take pity. I'm not ready to move on.

 

[Brokensaddle]

I've been an outpatient at a public mental health clinic near my house for the last couple of months. I attend two or three times a week to meet with a nurse who does talk therapy and cbt exercises with me. There's a psychiatry team there who made an initial assessment and prescribes me medications and treatments and a doctor on call my nurse sends me to if she's worried about me. The place wasn't perfect but the people were very friendly and my nurse is lovely. I don't know how much good any of the exercises were doing but I really wanted to get better for my family's sake and have done my best to engage with them. I found just having a place to go where understanding people checked in on me regularly kind of helped. The nurse would make me promise every time I left that I wouldn't kill myself before our next appointment. I found that made getting through each day without ctb more bearable as I could convince myself I only needed to live for another couple of days rather than indefinitely.

Well, today the doctor on call discharged me and it came out of nowhere. I'm completely devastated and still in shock to be honest. Apparently, they took the fact I was engaging in the treatment to mean I don't need it anymore. I'm nowhere near better - they know I had a close call on Sunday for Christ's sake! That place was my entire support system and now it's gone. I cried as I walked home today. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I just feel kind of empty now to be honest. The only reason I'm hanging on is that I know my family will be devastated if I die and I don't want to do that to them. This is kind of the last straw though. The truth is I want more than anything to be dead. I have no hope for the future. I know I should want to get better and my family want me to and I used that to motivate me to try so hard. I can't do this by myself. I'm so tired. It feels like this is a sign from the world it's time to stop trying and give up. I know it's stupid but that place was the only reason I lasted so long and now it's gone. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. My family try and I love them but despite my efforts, they fundamentally don't understand my issues. The only constant thing I could rely on in my life has been taken away.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice? I know it's pathetic but I feel so alone right now.

I went into hospital a couple of weeks ago and was told I have mental capacity and that if I went home and killed my self all of the responsibility would placed on me. They never tried to help, never saw the crisis team, they didn't try to put me into inpatients. They were like go home and deal with your problems. I'm so sorry that has happened to you. I spent all of today calling in to mental health services and asking for help. I don't feel I will personally make it with some sort of help. My only suggestion are try speaking to family members or friends and try rise the issues with the services for better help or possibly try seeking out private therapy I know I can't afford it but if you it might help. I'm so sorry this happened to me but what I have seen it common

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

Thank you to everyone for all the lovely replies. Hearing about your similar experiences really helps me feel a lot less alone.



The hospital didn't tell me that they were planning to discharge me before today. I have one session left tomorrow and then I'm on my own. The doctor did suggest finding a private cbt specialist last week but said it was because the onsite one has a months-long waiting list - not because they were planning to discharge me. I met with a psychotherapist on Monday for an initial assessment and I liked her but she chose not to take my case. Ironically it was because she thought I am currently too unstable/ suicidal for pure cbt and she would have to spend half our sessions doing risk assessments. Her recommendation was to stay with my current clinic and that support system until I am more mentally stable. Which is now not an option.

I don't really know what to do. On one hand, there isn't any point in playing down my situation so someone will take my case because that defeats the point. On the other hand, private treatment is expensive and I have to spend lots of money on initial assessments with different people who don't offer support until the second appointment if they decide to take my case. Never mind the fact they all have weeks or months-long waiting lists. I'm also really not looking forward to starting all over again with someone who doesn't know me and I don't trust. I really hate having to explain my situation from the start to new people.

I'm planning to try and convince them to let me stay in my last session tomorrow. I know it probably won't work but maybe if I show how upset I am they'll understand how much I need this and take pity. I'm not ready to move on.

Hi,
the worst thing is having to tell your story and background to again, and again. I had a full crying breakdown when I had to tell my story to the fifth therapist.
The hospital is a disgrace for not telling or giving you an idea of when you would be discharged. I am sorry that the psychotherapist...….very ironic. "Hello, this is what I need you for!".
The only reason I was able to see someone so fast was cause I work within mental health (very ironic), without that the waiting list (or be hanging off a cliff..in the UK) is a sh*t hole.
I wish you luck with tomorrow hun. Take it from there on wards.