I've had enough....

[An Hero]

I found myself to this website and thought I'd post my story. Not sure why, perhaps to get it off my chest with others in the same position, perhaps as some kind of cathartic exercise.
I'm 41 and for the last 4 years my life has fallen apart.
During covid I lost my career, my life savings, my wife, it all went. I tried to rebuild myself up from rock bottom and decided to try and make my family relationship better and more meangiful and decided to speak out about the fact my father used to beat me and my grandfather sexually abused me. It blew my family up.
My parents don't believe my words, my sisters don't believe my words. They haven't spoken to me in 3 and a half years.
I don't really have any friends, I have CPTSD and every waking moment is pain and I just wish for death.
I drink and take Xanax until I pass out every day and my business has gone under as I am in such a mess.
I told my mother yesterday on a call that I am planning to CTB and have made all the preparations. She said "you do what you need to" and put the phone down on me.
I am not able to pay my rent from next month, I have ordered the SN and will follow instructions I've learnt on here to CTB in the next 26 days.
I don't really want to die if I am honest but I see no way out and don't want to live on the streets and cannot see any other way out. I just want the pain to stop.
Fuck this life, fuck this pain, I hate myself and want to die.

 

[venin.n]

I found myself to this website and thought I'd post my story. Not sure why, perhaps to get it off my chest with others in the same position, perhaps as some kind of cathartic exercise.
I'm 41 and for the last 4 years my life has fallen apart.
During covid I lost my career, my life savings, my wife, it all went. I tried to rebuild myself up from rock bottom and decided to try and make my family relationship better and more meangiful and decided to speak out about the fact my father used to beat me and my grandfather sexually abused me. It blew my family up.
My parents don't believe my words, my sisters don't believe my words. They haven't spoken to me in 3 and a half years.
I don't really have any friends, I have CPTSD and every waking moment is pain and I just wish for death.
I drink and take Xanax until I pass out every day and my business has gone under as I am in such a mess.
I told my mother yesterday on a call that I am planning to CTB and have made all the preparations. She said "you do what you need to" and put the phone down on me.
I am not able to pay my rent from next month, I have ordered the SN and will follow instructions I've learnt on here to CTB in the next 26 days.
I don't really want to die if I am honest but I see no way out and don't want to live on the streets and cannot see any other way out. I just want the pain to stop.
Fuck this life, fuck this pain, I hate myself and want to die.

I fully understand you. What you described is awful, especially what your mother did. I'm sorry this happened. I wish you could get out of this situation but if not, I wish you a peaceful departure and freedom from sufferring, at last.

Sending hugs

P.S. I'm also saturated with my current situation and this cruel and unfair fucking life.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really horrible how people have to suffer so much in this cruel existence, I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I relate to your situation and I can fully understand your decision. I'm sorry that life is so rough and you have to suffer so much and what your mother did is awful. I wish I could help you. I hope you find peace. Life is often so unfair.

 

[Orbitc]

I wish you luck with a painless death. It's sad that sometimes some people are unlucky enough to be in the same family as freaks like your heartless mother.

 

[tiger b]

Relate to this so much. The start of the pandemic really marked a downturn in my life, healthwise and financially. It's hard to see a way out. And it's so tiring.

I wish you well in whatever you do.