I’ve finally made up my mind.

[rioghbhardain]

Dear friends in pain,

First of all, let me tell you I believe nobody left life voluntarily while it was worth keeping.

I joined this website 4 years ago, while I was going through some pretty rough times. I was feeling desperate back then and needed to look somewhere for answers. Knowing I could finally put an end to all my struggles and my suffering felt like such a huge relief and although I flirted with the idea of catching the bus every now and then, I was never entirely sure it was something I'd ever come close to doing. It was merely a matter of ideation.

Four years later my life has been turned completely upside down. I am completely alone and after a two-year excruciating break up in which I have tried everything to make jo with the person I have loved most, I'm closest to and the one I have spent half my life with, has decided he finally wants to move on, date other people and discard me. I have absolutely no reason to live. I am utterly destroyed. I'm bereft of love, bereft of any human connections, completely disappointed in people and this time I have finally made up my mind: I have no choice left but to catch the bus in order to leave this absolutely horrendous life. I don't want to feel this pain anymore!

I don't have a home of my own, had to move with my mother a year ago and don't want to cause her any troubles. I am desperate because I need to end this pain ASAP, this weekend at the latest. I am too afraid of feeling pain and I am therefore looking for a peaceful, painless, yet reliable method. I'm begging you to help me. I really need out this time.

Some love in a world full of pain and indifference.

IR -x-

 

[Timothy7dff]

I'm not at all a pro-life guy (read through my posts), but everyone is devastated by break-ups. Counselling is perfect for people who need someone to talk to. It sounds like you're going through some difficult, but temporary problems.

How do you get along with your mom? Do you work?

 

[rioghbhardain]

I'm not at all a pro-life guy (read through my posts), but everyone is devastated by break-ups. Counselling is perfect for people who need someone to talk to. It sounds like you're going through some difficult, but temporary problems.

How do you get along with your mom? Do you work?

I'm not at all a pro-life guy (read through my posts), but everyone is devastated by break-ups. Counselling is perfect for people who need someone to talk to. It sounds like you're going through some difficult, but temporary problems.

How do you get along with your mom? Do you work?

I don't get along with her. It has been a nightmare living with her. This guy was the love of my life and not only I can't imagine it, but a life without him is pointless. He was my first and only boyfriend. Started dating him at 19, dated with him for 16 years and lived with him for 12 years. I don't have a job. I had just been recovering from a severe condition I developed during the pandemic. My life is in tatters. Impossible to put it back together. I've been to counselling but just doesn't help. I give up. I've made up my mind this time :( really want to leave this most horrible of places and stop agonising. My anxiety is through the roof: can't sleep, can't eat, can't do anything. I'm mentally impaired by this depression but even if I go to therapy I know I'll never be happy without the love of my life.

 

[PassionateMob]

I don't get along with her. It has been a nightmare living with her. This guy was the love of my life and not only I can't imagine it, but a life without him is pointless. He was my first and only boyfriend. Started dating him at 19, dated with him for 16 years and lived with him for 12 years. I don't have a job. I had just been recovering from a severe condition I developed during the pandemic. My life is in tatters. Impossible to put it back together. I've been to counselling but just doesn't help. I give up. I've made up my mind this time :( really want to leave this most horrible of places and stop agonising. My anxiety is through the roof: can't sleep, can't eat, can't do anything. I'm mentally impaired by this depression but even if I go to therapy I know I'll never be happy without the love of my life.

im really sorry to see you in pain im gonna say the same but listen im no pro life guy but , i really think whatever your going through, you still have a chance. A human mind is the most powerfull thing to ever exist i know it hurts when somebody who you love by your core leaves you after a decade of relationship it feels like theres no floor to stand on but Listen Girl

Its a long hell of a story , my father and mother both were never a fan off my hobbies and you know it always demoralized me. When i was 6 i got to know about "The Game of Chess". my mother and father always hated me for this and thought of me as a piece of shit who is just wasting time. ill spend like 10 hours a day studying chess like crazy. I also fell in love with a girl at my chess club and since we both were 8 years old we both promised that we would be the soulmates and when i was 10 i was kicked out of my home by my abusive dad and my mom just stood there like a bitch and just let it happen. i was broke that was the first time ever i thought about suicide. Can u imagine like a 10 year old kicked out of house by his alcohlic dad.
Well i somehow managed to move into my aunts home but she was like really low tempered person. she would get mad and shout at me all the time and beat my ass hard sometimes , but i was waiting and waiting for a miracle to happen which never happened, so me a ten year old ties the rope to a tree trunk and after a lot of thinking i point my head down and the stool goes off im 10 12 seconds in and i start to pass out and then the ropr BREAKS, well my aunt takes notice and that was the first hug i ever got in a long time , she makes me do all this threapy and shit but keep in in mind that you cant change if you dont change whats up there so i start working hard on my CHESS it was only career choice at this point . Life is like a TEST CRICKET MATCH even though all the wickets have fallen if you stay on the pitch long enough then theres still hope. ok so at the age of 16 I get all 3 of my GM norms , and finnaly im crowned with the title of GRANDMASTER (if you dont know what it is , its the highest rank a chess player can acheive. and to explain how difficult it is
YOU AS A PERSON ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE A BILLIONARE THAN A CHESS GM (im not joking look it up).

Now i started winning tornaments and making a little bit of money and then i open my own chess acadmey and i make a lot more money there , i start organizing tornaments whatever.


Remember the girl i told you about we had been dating since 16 and we were like a happy couple , she was the girls of my dreams (we lived together and all that stuff , u know. and were pretty close.

THE REAL PART:

One day she calls me and says : "Babe we should break up" and i dont even buy it i started laughing and started asking about her day and she said it was all good, (we used to joke around about breaking up so i did nt take it seriously) and then shes starts getting serious about it . Believe me im like dead, i begin to cry , i break apart and i dont wana tell you the whole conversation because my lazy ass has already written an essay. Her main excuse was that " i wana move on with life and i have goals and shit" i was like why can t u achieve your goals without ending this relationship and she just started saying whatever she liked and hung up blocked me from all the platforms and shit. THAT NIGHT IM DONE I JUST WANA LEAVE THIS CRUEL PLACE I WAS 19 back then and I GET ON THIS 13 story building and weeping and i was setting a pre text for my friends and aunt (suicide note) i put the phone down and I AM READY TO JUMP IVE BEEN BROKEN AGAIN AND AGAIN and i have a chess elo rating decline past three months so , I HAVE NO FAMILY , NO NOTHING, KICKED OUT OFF MY HOUSE AT THE AGE OFF TEN DID ALL THAT 9 to 5 shit , AND THE PERSON I WAS LIVING LEAVES ME..................................ok I PLACE MY PHONE DOWN AND I ..........i am about to jump WHEN

i hear a voice (it was from the gym s roof i was standing) it was the song by: "Eminem Till I Collaspe"

and girl when i tell you that day i understood the meaning of life.........

SO BASICALLY my GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME TO GO WITH LIVE WITH A 34 year old goofy millionare, and thats why she left me

At that point i realized THAT
DONT GIVE A FUCK
GET THE FUCK UP
NOBODY EXEPT YOU AND YOU IS COMING TO SAVE YOU
WHY YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOMEBODY WHO CARED ABOUT YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT WOULD IT BE FELT LIKE TO BE IN A SIMMILLAR POSITION


LIKE THINK FOR A MOVEMENT WHY ARE YOU GONNA CARE ABOUT SOME DUDE WHO YOU DATED FOR 12 AND HE DID NOT EVEN GIVE SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL GO THROUGH , DI\DNT HE THINK THAT YLL BE DEPRESSED , AND DOES THAT MAN EVEN HAS ANY RESPECT FOR HIMSELF


.........................................................
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU GOOOOOOOOOT THISSSSSSSSSSS GIRRLLLLLLL
GET THE FUCK UP , I KNOW THIS IS HARD, YOU GOT MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS AND ALL THAT SHIT

BUT ITS YOU WHO DECIDES , GET THE FUCK , FUCK THAT MAN , I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE IVE SEEN ALL OF THIS.

i am possibly gonna reach the top 100 Grandmaster Spot after this tournament.

IVE NOT WRITTEN A 13000 word essay just to get that casual response, i wana hear from you ,

I LOVE YOU OK your not in that big of a problem, even if you are


GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT BECAUSE,........

"EVERYBODY DIES , BUT NOT EVERYBODY LIVES
I HOPE YOU REPLY

I HIGHLY RECOMEND YOU WATCHING THIS TILL I COLLASPE
wanna talk about the stuff your going through
wanna talk about the stuff your going through
im really concerened about you wana get to know what did you think after reading all this ?