Venting I've finally decided to do it. Anxious as fuck now

[BrailleTogepi]

I'm grateful to them for taking me in. They let me stay with them for a year without needing to get a job, and there's a lot of life I was able to live because of that. God knows they don't deserve to have this happen to them. But now things are different, they seem to have changed, they're expecting me to give back. They're well within their rights to do so. It's just that that's not the terms we started with, and it's a deal breaker for me, personally.

It's how the world works, really. In order to live with a community, you must give back to that community. Doing chores, helping pay the bills. Anything less and you're just a leech.

I wish I was in a position mentally to give back, but I'm not. It's like being asked to pay a subscription fee for a service you don't want. I hate this service. I'm going to cancel my subscription.

This whole extra year was a long shot, and part of me always knew it was too good to be true. So I'm finally leaving, tonight. Here's hoping the SI doesn't save me. Send me your good vibes

 

[CantDoIt]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and face to go through this. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

[depressia]

каким методом?

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Do you have a reliable method in mind? I think a lot of us would feel much less anxiety if we could just go peacefully.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Sending you best wishes. Please feel free to update us if you want to or can<3

 

[BrailleTogepi]

Re: Method.

There's a very specific bridge I have in mind, it's a bus ride away. There's a park I'll be able to chill at for a few hours until there's few enough people around. Another member announced that they were using the same bridge and would be leaving that night (a few days ago). They haven't been online since. I think it'll work.

Thank you for your kind wishes. I'll give an update tonight if I don't find it to be too much trouble at the time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you all the best, I hope that you find what you are searching for.

 

[maniac116]

Re: Method.

There's a very specific bridge I have in mind, it's a bus ride away. There's a park I'll be able to chill at for a few hours until there's few enough people around. Another member announced that they were using the same bridge and would be leaving that night (a few days ago). They haven't been online since. I think it'll work.

Thank you for your kind wishes. I'll give an update tonight if I don't find it to be too much trouble at the time.

Theres an interesting movie called "the bridge" that may help you. I dont know if youve heard of it but its a team of cameras that went to the golden gate bridge for a year & filmed people jumping to their deaths. They also talk to at least one survivor & many families of those who jumped. It might give you information you may find useful....Just my 2 cents

 

[BrailleTogepi]

Update: I'm here.

Had to go to the bathroom first, met some nice humans who pointed me in the correct direction.

I'm sorry I had to leave, Kitten. You are the most perfect cat I have ever known.

This still doesn't feel 100% real. But I'm sure I'll be able to do it after the reality sets in anyway.

Last words are overrated, and I'm terrible at telling people what they need to hear, so instead of trying my hand at that, I'll share a couple of my favorite songs.

All-time favorite: Calling (from The World Ends With You)

Favorite song I found recently: Sound Apparel - The Love That Lasts The Longest (Part 1)

If you don't hear from me in 2 days, I succeeded. (Either that, or I got locked up in a psych ward or something...)

Wish me the best, manifest comfort & peace for me if you believe in that sort of thing

 

[sorrynf]

Hope you're at peace.

 

[heavyeyes]

I hope you find the peace you seek

 

[Kalista]

leave well

 

[Ariii]

I hope you find your peace, good luck <3

 

[VeryShy]

I hope that you find absolute freedom from pain and suffering. Good luck.

 

[h4nah4ki]

i hope you're at peace.

 

[BrailleTogepi]

Nevermind, I couldn't do it. SI is a bitch. I must have tried for like 10 minutes to throw myself over the fence, but I just couldn't do it. Eventually I just gave up and started heading back home.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. Just... Kind of frustrated and tired. And dreading going back to my everyday life. Goddamn it.

Sorry for the false alarm, everyone.

 

[dreamcatcher90]

I'm glad you're still here
And I am very sorry that you have to go through a lot. Many people go through a lot.

I sincerely hope for your recovery.

 

[Moniker]

Nevermind, I couldn't do it. SI is a bitch. I must have tried for like 10 minutes to throw myself over the fence, but I just couldn't do it. Eventually I just gave up and started heading back home.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. Just... Kind of frustrated and tired. And dreading going back to my everyday life. Goddamn it.

Sorry for the false alarm, everyone.

No need to apologize to anyone. I've gotten a similar feeling with aborted partial hanging attempts. Best of luck figuring life out, regardless of how you go about it.

 

[sugarb]

Nevermind, I couldn't do it. SI is a bitch. I must have tried for like 10 minutes to throw myself over the fence, but I just couldn't do it. Eventually I just gave up and started heading back home.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. Just... Kind of frustrated and tired. And dreading going back to my everyday life. Goddamn it.

Sorry for the false alarm, everyone.

No worries, dude. Nobody's judging. Or shouldn't be, anyway. :b

I hope things get better for you one way or another. Thank you for sharing your favorite songs with us. I liked Calling ^^

 

[hoppybunny]

Nevermind, I couldn't do it. SI is a bitch. I must have tried for like 10 minutes to throw myself over the fence, but I just couldn't do it. Eventually I just gave up and started heading back home.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. Just... Kind of frustrated and tired. And dreading going back to my everyday life. Goddamn it.

Sorry for the false alarm, everyone.

It's ok man. No need to apologize. It's literally in our nature to not kill ourselves. All living things are hardwired to survive. Kf killing yourself was easy we wouldn't need the site. Take care of yourself. I hope u find peace.