AngelicPsychedelic
<3
- Mar 9, 2023
- 37
I mentioned this in a previous thread, but now I'm certain.
I'm going to try to ctb by a gun playing russian roulette.
I don't want to live, but I don't necessarily want to die either. Ctb in a regular way would be too scary for me, since I'm unable to give up all hope, but I can't live like this anymore. Everything is getting worse and worse and I'm deteriorating by the minute. I don't want to slowly dig myself into a hole. I'd rather die. I don't want to survive, I wanna live.
This method seems almost perfect to me. I would try to make the chances 50-50. If I live I'll be more determined to live a good life and if I die I don't have to suffer anymore.
Death would be neutral to me if I wound't be suffering, but since I am I would find it a positive.
Surviving and being happy again would be even better, but I don't see it happening unless I try this method or I come close to death some other way.
Acquiring a gun isn't easy where I live so I'm not going to ctb anytime soon. I don't know much about guns or how to ctb with them, so advice is appreciated, I will also do some research on my own. I have a irl friend who is also a user of this site and is obsessed with guns, so I'll ask him for advice too.
I'm a bit scared about the chance that I do shoot myself, it fails and I become crippled, that would be the worst outcome and I'd do anything to ctb at that point. Even thinking about this outcome makes me terrified!
If anyone has had any near death experiences please tell me how it felt afterwards! Any advice/questions/etc. is appreciated!
I'm going to try to ctb by a gun playing russian roulette.
I don't want to live, but I don't necessarily want to die either. Ctb in a regular way would be too scary for me, since I'm unable to give up all hope, but I can't live like this anymore. Everything is getting worse and worse and I'm deteriorating by the minute. I don't want to slowly dig myself into a hole. I'd rather die. I don't want to survive, I wanna live.
This method seems almost perfect to me. I would try to make the chances 50-50. If I live I'll be more determined to live a good life and if I die I don't have to suffer anymore.
Death would be neutral to me if I wound't be suffering, but since I am I would find it a positive.
Surviving and being happy again would be even better, but I don't see it happening unless I try this method or I come close to death some other way.
Acquiring a gun isn't easy where I live so I'm not going to ctb anytime soon. I don't know much about guns or how to ctb with them, so advice is appreciated, I will also do some research on my own. I have a irl friend who is also a user of this site and is obsessed with guns, so I'll ask him for advice too.
I'm a bit scared about the chance that I do shoot myself, it fails and I become crippled, that would be the worst outcome and I'd do anything to ctb at that point. Even thinking about this outcome makes me terrified!
If anyone has had any near death experiences please tell me how it felt afterwards! Any advice/questions/etc. is appreciated!