It's been a while that I've been thinking about this - and at the beginning I'm not sure how serious I felt about it, but now I feel as sure as I think anyone can feel about this. I really want to die - whether it's now or in a few years - whatever - I want to find a way to make this happen.But reading & looking on the internet makes it seem pretty damn difficult. You either have to do something really violent or painful to yourself or somehow manage to get hold of controlled substances that are very expensive/hard to get hold of. I also live at home with my parents and it's difficult to do much of anything without them noticing & I also don't want to incriminate myself. The only way I've come across that seems peaceful enough is heroin overdose but have absolutely no idea how to get my hands on that. I keep thinking that the best thing really would be to somehow find a local dealer & that way I don't have to worry about ordering it through the mail and potentially getting caught doing that. But yeah, not the slightest clue how to source a local heroin dealer. I don't imagine that they go around advertising their services too widely. Anyone have any thoughts for me on this? Would be incredibly grateful. Honestly nothing I want more than to just die. The rest of my days are going to be spent counting down the days until I can do it.
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga
Visionary
- Apr 2, 2020
- 2,404
Heroin is not that reliable. Have you considered SN? It is affordable and easy to obtain.
AvaAdore
When will it be?
- Jul 20, 2020
- 159
Before the pandemic I would think you might find a connection by going to methadone clinics or even Narcotics Anynomous groups. Now I'm not sure. Sometimes people at bars can help but that's hit or miss.
Me too. I can't stand my existence anymore. ENOUGH
También deseo lo mismo, pero odio el dolor si hubiera una píldora de cianuro que terminara, todo sería genial
I view the future, both globally and personally, with a real sense of foreboding and dread. The ship, if you will, appears to be sinking. I have no intention of scrambling for one of the lifeboats when it does. I am out of here.
Hey thanks for your thoughts. SN death sounds incredibly painful from what I have heard?
Do you mean that it's likely that it won't kill me?
If anyone has any ideas of how I could maybe track down a local dealer online... would be amazing, would be so grateful.
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AvaAdore
When will it be?
- Jul 20, 2020
- 159
I'm not sure what city you are in but when I lived in Los Angeles over 10 years ago I found prescription strength pain pills by going onto Craigslist. I searched with key words like pain. This might not work now because it seems law enforcement cracks down on those postings.
Linda
Member
- Jul 30, 2020
- 1,686
My own choice, if and when the time comes, will be to go for a walk in winter in a cold country. In other words, I will die of hypothermia. If you do it right, it's a peaceful way to go. I have spent some of my best years in the outdoors, and would be perfectly happy to die there. Unlike most of the people posting here, I am not depressed or suicidal right now, but I am aged 67 and in declining health. I decided when I was 15 that if I had reached the end of my useful life, and if I had no other commitments (which now means "if my husband was dead") I would do that, and I have not changed my mind. I don't know whether it is a practical option in your circumstances, and it is not a common way of departing, but it may be a possibility.
Ok one of these days I will have a crack at that. God I wish I'd lived in LA 10 years ago!
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I think hypothermia too. If you can get hold of anything that will allow you to drift off outside on a really cold night that may be the peaceable end you seek. It almost worked for me and I live in a mild climate in a European city. Took 2 sleeping tablets and a couple of painkillers and just lay down. Ended up in a coma but that more to do with where I live and my state of mind not quite at planned suicide stage.
Linda
Member
- Jul 30, 2020
- 1,686
You can certainly do it in a mild climate, if you plan it carefully, but obviously it is easier in a cold one.
darkweb? I'm sure i saw a lot of sellers on there. there is a version called 'china white' i think its fentanyl based and the sellers were all saying how strong it is!
I've not fully figured out the dark web buying side just yet,myself.
I've not figured it out yet either. Ok I have lots of homework to do!
Dark web always seems to be bloody scary to me. Full of Kalashnekovs and fake passports .Live in big city so wouldn't be hard to find a dealer but dont really want spend my last days or hours seeking out. And party drugs usually. For prescription drugs cant get here or when havent time get to Dr we use real pharmacies in India because it has a real and high quality pharmaceutical industry. We all ask friend or family, or when we go ourselves on holiday, to bring back. If physically coming back here for safety sake need a prescription in case of customs stop but easy to do there like lots of countries.
So, if am short on prescription drugs then I phone pharmacies in big cities in India. Dihydrocodeine a no no, tramadol and benzos easy. As is xanax- a drug never prescribed here. At the moment have an arrangement with a guy must have found online who is not cheap but he email then phones me intermittently and then sends very quickly. Visa often won't allow. MasterCard and PayPal good. Wasn't quick to find though and whilst works for what I need ie top up if missing Dr appts and prescription ( and where i dont want to worry friends) they are too legit to chance opioids let alone AD drugs. If you know anyone going any country Asia worth asking them to get you details of non black market pharmacies that you can call direct?
Sorry guys posts too long am new to site bit nanic please bear with !
So, if am short on prescription drugs then I phone pharmacies in big cities in India. Dihydrocodeine a no no, tramadol and benzos easy. As is xanax- a drug never prescribed here. At the moment have an arrangement with a guy must have found online who is not cheap but he email then phones me intermittently and then sends very quickly. Visa often won't allow. MasterCard and PayPal good. Wasn't quick to find though and whilst works for what I need ie top up if missing Dr appts and prescription ( and where i dont want to worry friends) they are too legit to chance opioids let alone AD drugs. If you know anyone going any country Asia worth asking them to get you details of non black market pharmacies that you can call direct?
Sorry guys posts too long am new to site bit nanic please bear with !
I found this which might help you,one of the threads i read!
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/simple-bitcoin-beginners-guide.26742/
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga
Visionary
- Apr 2, 2020
- 2,404
You are welcome. I know a few people who overdosed on heroin multiple times and managed to survive. It is hard to calculate the right amount of heroin you would have to take in order to O.D. We cannot know for certain that this type of death is pain-free.
I am not sure about painfulness of SN, check out the resources threads where you can read about different experiences with it. One advantage of it over heroin is that we know what the lethal amount is.
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Aeathelina
Little Homeless Girl
- Feb 5, 2020
- 308
I'm currently living with my sis and her girlfriend +kids so I'm trying real hard to concoct a way to did without it being violent and messy. Planning on starving myself to force an heart attack given my heart condition.
No thank you that's an interesting idea!
Actually having a day where I can't bear to think about anything at all... so can't give proper responses to people's messages just now, but plan to do so soon!
