_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,111
it seems like i finally got rid of all those religious influences. tbh i wonder why i was so affected by fear of hell, stupid and hilarious beliefs about life.
when i look back on my childhood i clearly see how much influence my moms beliefs had on me. she was a member of the 'Jehovah's Witnesses'. which is another whole story in it self but i try to keep it short, i hope this can help some, i feel like just writing it down.
so over the years growing up, i tried to set my boundaries, im glad i was open enough to see the contradictions of this cult/religion. 3 years ago my mom supported me a lot during hard times and i felt like listening to her religious stuff. i felt like i should at least show some interest in her religion. so i did. i was listening for countless hours her talking about this crappy jehova stuff. somehow this must have made me adopt some of her beliefs subconsciously i guess.
a few days ago we had an fight, which made me stop caring for any of her religious business, after that my weird tendency to view the world with those religious shades faded. yesterday i was able to see the things from my actual standpoint and it seems like i could finally replace those weird subconscious/influenced beliefs with better ones.
maybe im wrong but it seems like boundaries are very important for me, somehow, trying to show empathy/interest in her stuff has made me blind to my true values. thinking about it makes it seem very clear since i had to deny my own values in order to even listen to her religious crap. i wasn't even aware about how much impact it might have.
even though i was convinced there isnt any god, hell and stuff, it was hard for me to feel its rightness later on. since the fight i feel my core beliefs again..
i no longer fear death, or at least much lesser. i no longer give a fuck about what others might think is wrong or right when it comes to ctb. we are all free, or at least in theory, beliefs and peer pressure can be a cage and violate our freedom and core values. there must be no reason or explanation on why we choose to ctb, its our spirit, we owe no one anything.
those who are shaming us for being human, which also includes being suicidal, are infact the ones who are being egotistic and abusive. this led me to feel guilty i was ashamed of myself, even though i knew deep down its nothing wrong with ctb..
maybe some stuff is obvious but im glad i no longer feel the pressure to explain why, or to follow the expectations and conformities of others.
maybe my stance on 'ctb must have not reason' inflicts with some but it seems clear to me; exchanging parts of yourself and your freedom in order to fit in or being able to connect with some is absolutely not okay, its a very bad deal.
thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it or got something from it!
when i look back on my childhood i clearly see how much influence my moms beliefs had on me. she was a member of the 'Jehovah's Witnesses'. which is another whole story in it self but i try to keep it short, i hope this can help some, i feel like just writing it down.
so over the years growing up, i tried to set my boundaries, im glad i was open enough to see the contradictions of this cult/religion. 3 years ago my mom supported me a lot during hard times and i felt like listening to her religious stuff. i felt like i should at least show some interest in her religion. so i did. i was listening for countless hours her talking about this crappy jehova stuff. somehow this must have made me adopt some of her beliefs subconsciously i guess.
a few days ago we had an fight, which made me stop caring for any of her religious business, after that my weird tendency to view the world with those religious shades faded. yesterday i was able to see the things from my actual standpoint and it seems like i could finally replace those weird subconscious/influenced beliefs with better ones.
maybe im wrong but it seems like boundaries are very important for me, somehow, trying to show empathy/interest in her stuff has made me blind to my true values. thinking about it makes it seem very clear since i had to deny my own values in order to even listen to her religious crap. i wasn't even aware about how much impact it might have.
even though i was convinced there isnt any god, hell and stuff, it was hard for me to feel its rightness later on. since the fight i feel my core beliefs again..
i no longer fear death, or at least much lesser. i no longer give a fuck about what others might think is wrong or right when it comes to ctb. we are all free, or at least in theory, beliefs and peer pressure can be a cage and violate our freedom and core values. there must be no reason or explanation on why we choose to ctb, its our spirit, we owe no one anything.
those who are shaming us for being human, which also includes being suicidal, are infact the ones who are being egotistic and abusive. this led me to feel guilty i was ashamed of myself, even though i knew deep down its nothing wrong with ctb..
maybe some stuff is obvious but im glad i no longer feel the pressure to explain why, or to follow the expectations and conformities of others.
maybe my stance on 'ctb must have not reason' inflicts with some but it seems clear to me; exchanging parts of yourself and your freedom in order to fit in or being able to connect with some is absolutely not okay, its a very bad deal.
thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it or got something from it!
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