ChildrensITV
Arcanist
- Mar 14, 2023
- 472
Literally nothing has worked. Everything has failed. Or worked just long enough to fail later.
My sexuality? A cursed mess.
My career? An embarrassing failure.
My living conditions? Psychologically inhumane.
My family life? Where?
My looks? I have to disguise myself to leave the house, to look like a human.
My romantic relationships? All ended in tragedy. Most never got off the ground.
It's been nothing but flops most of my life. My life is a humiliation ritual for me. Someone, somewhere is sitting with popcorn and watching how horrible my waking moments are. My life is absolute kino to someone, somewhere. It's a hell inside my own body. You could be standing next to me and not know the hell I am going through. It's pointless talking to anyone about it cuz they're bored of hearing about it, and they don't understand anyway. I'm in this on my own. I have to suffer it alone but if I caught the bus, then I would be "making it everyone else's problem". How selfish of me to care about my own suffering and put an end to it.
I gotta go through life, hating it. And for what? To protect others around me who don't care how bad my life is. 4 yrs ago, I thought my life was going to turn a corner. A relationship began. No. It was just the universe stringing me along to make me fall harder. That relationship failed predictably. Like anything good that happens for me.
My life is one big visit to the mall with no money. I can look around at what is on offer, but I can never buy. I can see what others experience, but I can't experience it myself. Occasionally, the clerk will say: "You can have this! Hold it. Embrace it. It's yours. Walk out the store with it." And then the security-guard will say: "No. Return it". Anything I have is so the universe can mock me for losing it.
My life is UNREAL. It has to be a movie that I'm starring in. The Trueman Show got a makeover. There is no way my life is real.
