M
Mastershakeme
New Member
- Oct 11, 2022
- 4
I came today to find a simple magic solution to my problems. I want to go, but I want it to be peaceful, you know? I feel like I've been through so much physical and mental pain, I'm just absolutely terrified to do anything that hurts.
It's funny that I'm sitting here right now, looking for ideas. I just got out of the psych ward two days ago. I've been 8 times now and I'm so freakin sick of it! I want to die. Why are there places to house suicidal people and why do they make our stay so damned long/boring/upsetting/uncomfortable. Absolutely nothing was fixed, they changed my meds, made me sit around watching CSI for 4 days, then finally sent me home. All I could think about why I was there was killing myself, but I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to be kept longer. And the only way I could think to kill myself in that "suicide-proof" institution was to bash my head repeatedly into the bathroom sink. Ouch! No way.
My life sucks and now it's even worse. I just lost custody of my kids. I'm about to be kicked out on the street, I can't stay in Grandma's house anymore because she died. She died and now I'm stuck with my mother who hates me. My car was impounded and I have no money because I don't work or get SSI. I keep telling them something is wrong, but they won't listen. They just don't care.
Why am I living again? So I can experience all this sadness and misery? Oh boy! Can't wait!
I just need a magic potion so I can lay down and go to sleep. Forever. Then I'll no longer be a disappointment, I'll be dead. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to find anything. I don't have access to anything. I'm just going to have to suffer I guess.
It's funny that I'm sitting here right now, looking for ideas. I just got out of the psych ward two days ago. I've been 8 times now and I'm so freakin sick of it! I want to die. Why are there places to house suicidal people and why do they make our stay so damned long/boring/upsetting/uncomfortable. Absolutely nothing was fixed, they changed my meds, made me sit around watching CSI for 4 days, then finally sent me home. All I could think about why I was there was killing myself, but I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to be kept longer. And the only way I could think to kill myself in that "suicide-proof" institution was to bash my head repeatedly into the bathroom sink. Ouch! No way.
My life sucks and now it's even worse. I just lost custody of my kids. I'm about to be kicked out on the street, I can't stay in Grandma's house anymore because she died. She died and now I'm stuck with my mother who hates me. My car was impounded and I have no money because I don't work or get SSI. I keep telling them something is wrong, but they won't listen. They just don't care.
Why am I living again? So I can experience all this sadness and misery? Oh boy! Can't wait!
I just need a magic potion so I can lay down and go to sleep. Forever. Then I'll no longer be a disappointment, I'll be dead. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to find anything. I don't have access to anything. I'm just going to have to suffer I guess.