It's so difficult to make & keep friends

[Valon]

I'm struggling. Without going into too much detail, I recently had an opportunity to meet new people and for the first time in a long while, I feel like I fit in. I'm still suicidal obviously (since I'm back here and all), but genuine friends are an extremely good cope.

Here's the problem: I'm socially awkward and a bit of an asshole. I have no filter and can make highly offensive jokes at times. I feel like I keep saying the wrong thing which results in me hurting someone's feelings. I try to suppress my sense of humor, but it just doesn't feel like 'me'. I want to be real with people 100% of the time, but everyone is so god damn sensitive these days, even when I'm just trying to poke fun at them (no ill will).

I feel like my new friends are gonna end up hating me. Damn, I suck at this friendship thing.

 

[timf]

If you are inclined to humor, you may find it advantageous to use some self deprecating humor to convey information about yourself that will inform the people you meet that they are free to correct you when you slip up socially. For example;

"Glad to meet you. I should warn you that I have a neurological disorder that causes me to occasionally say things without thinking. You can help me if this happens. If I should say something offensive or insensitive please slap me in the face or touch me on the shoulder. Now that I think of it, lets try tapping on the shoulder first."

Humor that pokes fun at someone else is generally limited to those we have known well and long and even then it can be chancy.

 

[Weather]

I second using self-deprecating humor -- I'm probably a bit of an asshole too, but I can quickly flip it by directing it back at myself! When using humor that can hurt feelings, a good rule of thumb is to only punch up -- it's ok to make fun of people with more power; not ok to make fun of people that are equals or have less power.

 

[ihnaus419]

I struggle socially, but differently from you. I'm very socially awkward and feel like I have to filter everything I say, and I've grown very nervous over the years about saying something stupid when talking to someone. Because so many of my attempts to make friends (since I was a little kid) and get to know people ended with embarrassment, shame, and confusion, I really struggle to want to talk anymore. And so I have very little to say to people anymore. It's the source of a lot of my depression and loneliness.

I have one close friend who I've known for years, but I feel like I don't really have too much to offer him compared to what my socially more adept peers do, so I get uncomfortable even around him. I am doubtful of our friendship, but I don't really like reaching out, because I feel like other people have found me desperate and it made them dislike me.

Other than him, I have little ability to make friends, despite how much effort I've put into being a decent person and improving my social skills over the past several years. I've gotten up so many times and tried to put myself in a good position over and over and I always end up being rejected, unvalued, or passed up for a better opportunity. I am still reading books on how to improve social skills, but I don't know how much longer I can keep being hopeful.

I'm sorry you feel this way

 

[Grav]

The self depracating humor advise is great, I've used it to good effect myself. I can be really quick with a funny dig (learned from growing up) and I have to check myself before letting loose. Of the new friends, is one more than the others? Depending on age, maturity, etc you might be able to ask him (using for quickness only) if he thinks you're being a jerk or how are you being seen/coming across? You would know if this person is comfortable or capable to give some honest feedback so I'm not saying just go do this today, lots of relationships take time to get to any truthful conversations. I know I've had friends where I had to say "Hey man people like you, I like you, but you've got to tone down the <insert issue>". I usually throw on a "I love you man!" thing to lighten it up, but in all seriousness I try to make it a positive not a "hey asshole!". I've also have friends that can't be with other friends, their social skills will cause a problem with each other.