wordsonscreen
Peanuts aren't nuts! They're seeds!
- Jan 21, 2021
- 728
(riding waves of flashbacks and triggers- just want to share- no need to reply if you don't want to- i do not want your pity)
its too loud
The memories, the flashbacks, my own tears
I'm trying so hard to just keep myself busy
It does not work
My hands on my keyboard
- I cannot stop feeling the bruises from my wrists being held down - how are my arms still sore from the bruises from months ago?
- I cannot stop smelling it - I smell the man who raped me after I spent 2 hours baking bread for him - It wont stop -
I am not alone in my house
- There are too many people here - you can't see them because they live in my body
- I am stuck in my worst memories - but I wish they were just memories - I relive them - the flashbacks are ruthless - please make it stop -
Why can I still feel everything?
What am I buying groceries for
This body is not mine
apparently my abusers live here now
we all thought I escaped them but
like parasites
they crawled in my skin and built a home inside me
Please remove my skin
Cut the trauma out of me
it is taking everything to not place a knife in my heart right now
i will take anything over this torture
nothing sounds more loving and more merciful than metal piercing my ribs
I have nowhere to go
I am not safe at "home"
I cannot go back - my mother keeps asking me to come back - how can I forgive when I have scars on my body that remind me everything every day -
I am not safe in my own body
I feel like a rejected organ transplant
----in my own body
where do I go
I have so much love to give and I want to spend my life creating beauty but how can I when I have to beg and scrape for a moment of peace? How can the world ask me to be here when it has been hostile to me? How can people expect me to share my gifts when the world just watches me suffer?
its too loud
The memories, the flashbacks, my own tears
I'm trying so hard to just keep myself busy
It does not work
My hands on my keyboard
- I cannot stop feeling the bruises from my wrists being held down - how are my arms still sore from the bruises from months ago?
- I cannot stop smelling it - I smell the man who raped me after I spent 2 hours baking bread for him - It wont stop -
I am not alone in my house
- There are too many people here - you can't see them because they live in my body
- I am stuck in my worst memories - but I wish they were just memories - I relive them - the flashbacks are ruthless - please make it stop -
Why can I still feel everything?
What am I buying groceries for
This body is not mine
apparently my abusers live here now
we all thought I escaped them but
like parasites
they crawled in my skin and built a home inside me
Please remove my skin
Cut the trauma out of me
it is taking everything to not place a knife in my heart right now
i will take anything over this torture
nothing sounds more loving and more merciful than metal piercing my ribs
I have nowhere to go
I am not safe at "home"
I cannot go back - my mother keeps asking me to come back - how can I forgive when I have scars on my body that remind me everything every day -
I am not safe in my own body
I feel like a rejected organ transplant
----in my own body
where do I go
when a single child dies of hunger, everyone in the village who ate has blood on their hands. we all failed each other.
until a single soul is being tormented, our work cannot be done.
my community has failed me
until a single soul is being tormented, our work cannot be done.
my community has failed me
I have so much love to give and I want to spend my life creating beauty but how can I when I have to beg and scrape for a moment of peace? How can the world ask me to be here when it has been hostile to me? How can people expect me to share my gifts when the world just watches me suffer?
no.
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