itsamadworld
i wanna die somewhere like up there
- Mar 15, 2020
- 410
First, I am no magician. And even if I were, only the illusion of snapping my fingers, and making something disappear, only the dillusion of the audience, is what would matter in the end....I am easy prey for a magicians illusions (tongue in cheek), because I don't know any magic tricks! (I totally like magicians performers, so this is no slight) But where I am not disillusioned -I am well aware that most of this life is suffering! for ME!...Maybe I got a messed up in the brain, and I could go on about the science of how BPD develops, but I'm too much into the "I can't deal with my intense emotions anymore" part of this disease! ( I think human nature is a disease, but I ain't gonna go there right now.. haha....
You want the truth as I see it? See, I don't even know myself! Which is it's own hell... And I sure as hell am not sure, if my child-free-antinatalism way of being is a continuous emotion or just my core value? If it's a value, then I see no reason that I should have to keep going on suffering in this life! Why risk the potential of getting old or handicapped to where I couldn't un-f-k myself! Stuck! Like the day I was born into this world! A world of which is too intense for me, and to constantly be told I am the one that is broken! Or you can't say this, you can't do that, you have to feel this way! When I think that is just some self-righteous, narrow-minded BS on it's face! Because I think the system is broken! And I don't have hope in humanity. And I think as long as humans are the dominant species, the burden of conscious awareness of some people (such as myself) Is a heavy burden to place on someone!....Yes, that sounds terrible to some....but it's my truth! I can't just snap my fingers, and make my truth go away! Or the experiences that got me there!
And I think humans have evolved to become "too big for their panties!" Some people have sensitive souls just like the animal Deer. And think human antlers have become too big (meaning human conscious awareness), that humans have become blinded too other people's suffering! So they think forcing them to suffer is the correct response. Rather than giving someone the autonomy over their own body versus punishing people who attempt suicide and fail! I want to give a shout-out to @thrw_a_way1221221 for your discussion Antinatalism and the audio link....that was helpful for me....so thank you... Anyways, Doctors will tell you, you're better off with cancer than mental illness!
Finally, I grow increasingly disenchanted by human gimmicks! Whole industries of entertainment to glorify human suffering. Coasting on distractions and addictions as a means of escaping the reality of the truth, that overall, life sucks,, You get your 15 minutes of fame, and that's it! I'm just really freaking depressed today....And this Optimism Bias that runs rampant in some people...Personally, I've had it with that shit too!
You want the truth as I see it? See, I don't even know myself! Which is it's own hell... And I sure as hell am not sure, if my child-free-antinatalism way of being is a continuous emotion or just my core value? If it's a value, then I see no reason that I should have to keep going on suffering in this life! Why risk the potential of getting old or handicapped to where I couldn't un-f-k myself! Stuck! Like the day I was born into this world! A world of which is too intense for me, and to constantly be told I am the one that is broken! Or you can't say this, you can't do that, you have to feel this way! When I think that is just some self-righteous, narrow-minded BS on it's face! Because I think the system is broken! And I don't have hope in humanity. And I think as long as humans are the dominant species, the burden of conscious awareness of some people (such as myself) Is a heavy burden to place on someone!....Yes, that sounds terrible to some....but it's my truth! I can't just snap my fingers, and make my truth go away! Or the experiences that got me there!
And I think humans have evolved to become "too big for their panties!" Some people have sensitive souls just like the animal Deer. And think human antlers have become too big (meaning human conscious awareness), that humans have become blinded too other people's suffering! So they think forcing them to suffer is the correct response. Rather than giving someone the autonomy over their own body versus punishing people who attempt suicide and fail! I want to give a shout-out to @thrw_a_way1221221 for your discussion Antinatalism and the audio link....that was helpful for me....so thank you... Anyways, Doctors will tell you, you're better off with cancer than mental illness!
Finally, I grow increasingly disenchanted by human gimmicks! Whole industries of entertainment to glorify human suffering. Coasting on distractions and addictions as a means of escaping the reality of the truth, that overall, life sucks,, You get your 15 minutes of fame, and that's it! I'm just really freaking depressed today....And this Optimism Bias that runs rampant in some people...Personally, I've had it with that shit too!
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