It’s not a competition, but do you ever compare your pain to others?

[Pryras]

I know it's not a competition of suffering since we all experience things differently and have a different tolerance to trauma, but do you ever compare your situation to someone else's?

When I watch interviews or docs about people who have experienced unimaginable loss, maybe lost all their children to murder or escaped being burned alive and are living completely disfigured, what makes them want to keep going? If they're not religious, they usually go on about keeping their child's memory alive or that they want to keep fighting and pursue through the pain and be strong. Even with this in mind I can't imagine going on and ruminating about the past. I've never experienced anything as brutal, but my ruminating will kill me, how does it not push these people in the same way? Is it because I have a weak mind?

What makes these people so different than someone who wants to kill themselves over less brutal experiences?

 

[TANETS]

All the time. Especially the people that came before me and lived in even shittier conditions than I could imagine.

 

[death's_door]

I know it's not a competition of suffering since we all experience things differently and have a different tolerance to trauma, but do you ever compare your situation to someone else's?

When I watch interviews or docs about people who have experienced unimaginable loss, maybe lost all their children to murder or escaped being burned alive and are living completely disfigured, what makes them want to keep going? If they're not religious, they usually go on about keeping their child's memory alive or that they want to keep fighting and pursue through the pain and be strong. Even with this in mind I can't imagine going on and ruminating about the past. I've never experienced anything as brutal, but my ruminating will kill me, how does it not push these people in the same way? Is it because I have a weak mind?

What makes these people so different than someone who wants to kill themselves over less brutal experiences?

Because, suicidal people are ready to die for various reasons vs. not being ready to die or having something to live for, even if they're not religious or whatever.

Also, don't forget that when their life goes to absolute tears and ashes, maybe they will take their own lives. One can only hope if I was channeling George Carlin, lol.

But, on a more serious note, hopefully they can keep going and keep holding on to something good in their lives or something worth living for.

As for the rest of us schmucks, only time will tell.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, but the thing is, I have no pain. My life has been pretty good for the most part, which makes me sometimes feel as though I'm not allowed to be the way I am. It causes me to want bad things to happen to me, both because I feel as though I deserve it and because I yearn to feel valid in my suicidality. I don't give a shit about people continuing with life despite severe trauma, rather I tend to compare myself to other suicidal people.

This also goes into why I don't feel like I relate to the vast majority of people on this site since I have no past trauma and have never really struggled in life (if you exclude all the times in which I have fucked up due to my own stupidity). This site sometimes does more to fuel my tendency to view my suicidal ideation as being invalid than help with those feelings, but this is the only place where I feel safe enough to vent freely so what can you do?

 

[dundunch1cken]

I've never experienced anything as brutal, but my ruminating will kill me, how does it not push these people in the same way? Is it because I have a weak mind?

this is my exact thought process too. i've always thought of myself as weak but there was a brief period where i kinda tricked myself into thinking positively, which actually did impact my self esteem and confidence well. for me, i believe it's just the mindset that separates me and other stronger willed people. i wasn't able to keep that forward-looking mindset cuz of mental illness and my overall personality, and thats why i'm on this site lmaooo :3

i think anyone is able to develop a positive/growth mindset that helps them keep living & pushing on through! but some ppl find it harder to be able to think that way or choose to think differently… and not everyone can uphold that kinda mindset forever either, we do waver in our emotions and behaviours.

 

[Pryras]

Yeah, but the thing is, I have no pain. My life has been pretty good for the most part, which makes me sometimes feel as though I'm not allowed to be the way I am. It causes me to want bad things to happen to me, both because I feel as though I deserve it and because I yearn to feel valid in my suicidality. I don't give a shit about people continuing with life despite severe trauma, rather I tend to compare myself to other suicidal people.

This also goes into why I don't feel like I relate to the vast majority of people on this site since I have no past trauma and have never really struggled in life (if you exclude all the times in which I have fucked up due to my own stupidity). This site sometimes does more to fuel my tendency to view my suicidal ideation as being invalid than help with those feelings, but this is the only place where I feel safe enough to vent freely so what can you do?

Is it guilt that makes you want something terrible to happen to you?

I hear you and can relate to your post. I don't feel like my life is unbearable enough to cause severe pain to my mother by killing myself, but I really want to go already!! I don't see the point in living just to experience my body deteriorate and watch myself slow down. I don't want to think anymore and or feel anything. Good or bad.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Is it guilt that makes you want something terrible to happen to you?

I hear you and can relate to your post. I don't feel like my life is unbearable enough to cause severe pain to my mother by killing myself, but I really want to go already!! I don't see the point in living just to experience my body deteriorate and watch myself slow down. I don't want to think anymore and or feel anything. Good or bad.

Partly that (I've done some terrible things in the past) and partly because I don't like myself.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I think the difference us the "option" of dying. We all are basically saying we are ready to go but haven't for various reasons. I'm assuming like myself, no 100% method available to me. Even prisoners on death row as terrible as the conditions are, the day of execution will do everything to stay alive. I think it's a survival instinct. I was previously on this site and there was a woman very active on ending her life and shared her story. One day she came on and said she had cancer, and didn't know how to cope. You would think she was happy, she was finally getting what she wanted. I think she deleted her page so idk what became of her, I'll never forget her. I just always assume when the option is taken, instincts kick in. I'd love to know too, I never understood those people.

 

[Pryras]

I think the difference us the "option" of dying. We all are basically saying we are ready to go but haven't for various reasons. I'm assuming like myself, no 100% method available to me. Even prisoners on death row as terrible as the conditions are, the day of execution will do everything to stay alive. I think it's a survival instinct. I was previously on this site and there was a woman very active on ending her life and shared her story. One day she came on and said she had cancer, and didn't know how to cope. You would think she was happy, she was finally getting what she wanted. I think she deleted her page so idk what became of her, I'll never forget her. I just always assume when the option is taken, instincts kick in. I'd love to know too, I never understood those people.

Makes sense, I like having control for when and how I die. Although if I had experienced something like losing my kids to murder or living in a body that can't move, I think I'd be okay with any method to ctb at any time. Losing control in that situation would be okay for me but it's hard to imagine unless I went through it for real.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Makes sense, I like having control for when and how I die. Although if I had experienced something like losing my kids to murder or living in a body that can't move, I think I'd be okay with any method to ctb at any time. Losing control in that situation would be okay for me but it's hard to imagine unless I went through it for real.

I'll never understand it? Those people in the end seem happier than us. I think of my situation and I'm ready to check out. I can't imagine coping with anything of that magnitude, I'd definitely find a resource that day, that minute! It amazes me how strong people can be.

 

[Pryras]

I'll never understand it? Those people in the end seem happier than us. I think of my situation and I'm ready to check out. I can't imagine coping with anything of that magnitude, I'd definitely find a resource that day, that minute! It amazes me how strong people can be.

Me neither but it's interesting to watch these people talk and have so much perseverance. There was a case long ago with a woman named Mary Vincent whose story is insane I wouldn't have fought for my life. If I survived her ordeal I wouldn't be able to function. I understand the desire to go after her attacker, but I don't understand how she went on afterwards.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Me neither but it's interesting to watch these people talk and have so much perseverance. There was a case long ago with a woman named Mary Vincent whose story is insane I wouldn't have fought for my life. If I survived her ordeal I wouldn't be able to function. I understand the desire to go after her attacker, but I don't understand how she went on afterwards.

Is her story on YouTube? I'd love to hear it.

Me neither but it's interesting to watch these people talk and have so much perseverance. There was a case long ago with a woman named Mary Vincent whose story is insane I wouldn't have fought for my life. If I survived her ordeal I wouldn't be able to function. I understand the desire to go after her attacker, but I don't understand how she went on afterwards.

I found her. I'm going to watch it. Thank you

Me neither but it's interesting to watch these people talk and have so much perseverance. There was a case long ago with a woman named Mary Vincent whose story is insane I wouldn't have fought for my life. If I survived her ordeal I wouldn't be able to function. I understand the desire to go after her attacker, but I don't understand how she went on afterwards.

I found her. I'm going to watch it. Thank you

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I tend to compare myself to others a lot. I guess I have had kind of a shit life so far, but it's nothing compared to what some others have gone through.
But I wonder if a lot of people just have the natural urge to live, or fear death. I couldn't imagine wanting to go on anymore after being burned alive, but I guess someone who is content with their life might not have as much of an issue. Also, some of it might be survivorship bias. For every tale of a person overcoming tragedy and living a normal life again, there might be two more who couldn't make it, with their stories remaining untold.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

I have not suffered like many people have. I have a loving family, awesome siblings, and look decently attractive. My suffering comes from my own mind due to how society goes against my own personal beliefs. I also feel immense guilt for not being what society would want me to be. The pain of guilt and rejection are worse to me than being forced to fight in a war. I honestly feel like I'm better suited for extreme survival situations or hunter gatherer society rather than mundane day to day modern society. Everyone has different values, and whatever those values are triggers what hurts you most.

 

[coolgal82]

I do but like against my will i wish i could just stop but any time i see anyone with anything worse than me my brain uses it to invalidate me and sends me on some kind of self doubt spiral over whether any of my issues are even real lmao. or it makes me feel bad cus people have survived horrible stuff and been not that bad, meanwhile i've had like nothing bad really happen to me and im just like i am.

 

[Wonhun]

It does not matter, the only thing matters is do you have the gut to go more extreme on the self harm

 

[divinemistress36]

I believe its due to brain chemistry. Us suicidal folks have something different in our brains like a chemical imbalance or faulty wiring