Venting It's never going to go away, is it?

[kovu]

So, I recently moved out of the home I grew up in-leaving behind a single mother who was blackout drunk for tons of my childhood, sobering up in the last few years (not really by choice) to sprinkle in a bit of manic depression.

At first, I was just glad to finally be... free, for lack of a better word. Yet, I've noticed that every time I hear a door being opened or closed with just a pinch of gusto, or whatever kind of loud noises you'd hear when your roommate does something in the kitchen or other, my mind just rushes back home, panicking and throwing my mood right down the drain.

And I think I've gotten used to that, but I didn't expect the same effect, even more severe, from the "Dinner Party" episode of The Office I just watched. It's that erratic and impulsive behaviour, it immediately makes me want to put on my headphones and turn on music loud enough to blow out my eardrums... just so I can sit still with closed eyes, pretending that the outside world doesn't exist.

And that is only one of the many triggers which I apparently brought along when I moved out. And even though she gave me a terrible childhood, I can't really be mad at her, because I know what her childhood looked like-and I myself wouldn't have turned out any better.

Sorry if all this is poorly worded and awfully formatted, I'm writing this on my phone and it's late, I'm going to sleep now. Let's hope I won't wake up tomorrow... like every night, good night.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I recently moved

i feel like the qualifier for your problems is "recently". you havent had time to process things and the saying, as ive noticed, goes "it gets worse before it gets better".
im a couple months away from moving out of an abusive home. with moving away from the problem comes a "clearer mind" so finally being able to see things from the outside it starts to hit harder and different. i personally think you should try to give yourself some time. sadly just moving away doesnt fix the problem, just puts you in a better position to work on it and hopefully fix it to a livable extent.
in other words, living there created mental habits that you now have to unteach yourself that you probably havent had time to do yet

 

[theboy]

Goodnight. I also want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I hope you feel better

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you have been through all this, it must be really hard to deal with. It's awful how life can torture people in so many ways. I think that many of us here wish to never wake again, it does sound ideal. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.