Venting It's more cost effective for me to die

[WinterFaust]

The very little money I currently have is what remains of my stimulus check. It's not much. I've applied for unemployment recently while I look for work and was denied, as I expected but I thought it couldn't hurt. I have no form of income, haven't for a while.
I'm not well enough to work but I've long overstayed my welcome at my mom's place.

With the current pandemic going on, it's pretty unlikely that I'll find work. And I already have tons of debt and terrible credit.

I'm still struggling with eating so I continue to lose weight that I can't afford to lose at this point. I barely sleep. I have health issues that I'm not even sure what the cause is. I still seem to be losing more hearing.

I have no interests, no friends, no partner. The only company I keep is depression and regret.

I don't have anything going for me. I want to give things a try. I'm trying to recover little by little but it's just too late.

It'd be more cost effective for me to just end my life. And with the current pandemic I doubt my family will hold a funeral so that's one less thing anyone has to worry about.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

No amount of money is worth your life. It's actually easy to find work right now too since no one wants to go back to work. Most are riding out their unemployment still.

I'm sorry you're in this spot and having other issues too though. I wish you the best

 

[WinterFaust]

No amount of money is worth your life. It's actually easy to find work right now too since no one wants to go back to work. Most are riding out their unemployment still.

I'm sorry you're in this spot and having other issues too though. I wish you the best

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the sentiment. I'll keep looking even though my brain keeps telling me that I fucked up too badly and I'm doomed so it's always nice to get some outside perspective.
I just want to be able to finally say I tried my best at recovering before ctb. But it's hard. Living is hard and dying is hard.

 

[RodgerThat]

Money doesn't exist in death, but yeah, being poor sucks, as does working. A friend recommended to me today that I investigate phone-only jobs, like advising insurance for old people or whatever. It's apparently fairly easy and they always need new people, and you just chill on the phone all day. Good luck!

 

[TAW122]

I feel similarly to you as well. I'm just putting an appearance and facade IRL just to avoid giving off red flags. I don't see things being great in any span of time, maybe at best, a temporary reprieve in a sea of distractions and copes, but then the long mundane period of suffering. I only doing things to borrow time, including trying to go back to school and use that as a cover while I work on my exit.