Thanks, @maru.
In all reality, I could have that list done in a few hours. But I don't see the point. I would feel more productive but no better about myself.
The friends I need to contact are, coincidentally, both therapists and know my state. I would be in for a lecture and ultimatums that I'm not ready to take. Both want me on anti-d's which I just can't go on again. One wants to bring me to the hospital. In this city and during these times, I wouldn't qualify for immediate care (thankfully). I know why I need but apparently I'm wrong.
I want to speak to them both before I ctb but that can't possibly end well.
I do need to clean up and get the taxes in order so I can get a refund and have money ready for my family so I can pay for things I leave behind.
Dammitdammitdammitdammitdammit
If you don't feel comfortable talking to them atm, then you probably shouldn't, it could end pretty badly for everyone.
About the list, i think we can't know until we try it, perhaps in the end you do feel a bit better about yourself, i know that cleaning my room, for example, was something that made me feel good, not just because i cleaned it, but because of the consequence of it, the space i spend my time in is now cleaner and it feels better to be in here i think, maybe cleaning your house could have the same short term and long term effect, it's nothing major, but it's good.
Also, taxes are probably a good thing to do too, not just so you can have money ready for your family, but because it's something that requires attention and concentration, so it'll stop you from thinking about your sadness.
Last, but not least, i still think it would be great to go outside and enjoy the weather, even if it is for just a little while, staying inside for too long can be terrible for our mental health.
Of course, going outside isn't this depression cure that many think it is, but it could help you feel more refreshed, and you have nothing to lose by doing it.
