I was talking to my doctor on Wednesday. She asked me if I was planning suicide and if I'd done any research. I'm not that easily trapped. I just siad no and no. If I'd said yes and yes I presume they'd act with all the lack of urgency that they could muster and put me on a waiting list for some shithole mental health prison where they'd dose you up on antipsychotics and leave you to fester in your own waste. I am seriously ill. My heart is fucked and it will kill me sometime soon. I have no quality of life. Every morning I wake up with a feeling of sheer terror that lasts for a couple of hours and comes back in the evening. I try to go for a walk but that's a horrendous chore. I fight sleep all day because of the awful poisonous antidepressant they give me ( mirtazapine). I need, yes need, to end this misery soon. The more I research, the harder it looks. SN looks horrible, all that inorganic salt tearing at your gut.In the he likely event you throw it up, you're fucked and off to hospital. N is too hard to get and you risk the wrath of the law for importing it. Hanging is too counter survival instinct as it involves suffocating/choking yourself. If you half do it it's off to the hospital again with horrendous injuries. The worst outcome is that you'd end up powerless to ever finish the job. Such is the wonderful humane society we live in that they'd keep in some sort of living state in hospital for months or even years.
You can't drive anywhere to jump off cliffs because of lockdown distance restrictions. A deliberate car crash might just fuck you up if you hit a wall at 70mph. Crashing a car is out because you might hurt some innocent bystander too. I've worked with N2 and Helium so could rig up a hypoxic death easily enough if I wasn't on permanent suicide watch at home. Getting the cylinder and regulator into the house would be impossible. Also, hypoxic death needs supervision. Half doing that would really mess you up. You could be left on a terrible state of brain damage. My first attempt was going to be with helium for balloons. I got caught with the receipt - of all things. I did get to trywith the He. I failed to pass out. It was a bit stupid of me not to realise that it's diluted with air to stop you "doing anything stupid". Why is the euphemism for suicide "doing something stupid"? Living a really shitty life with appalling physical health and the crap mental health that follows that is doing something stupid. If only I had access to a shotgun or a 500 foot cliff. I think impulsive, no return suicide is what suits me. Even N which is everyone's favourite method allows you to change your mind and throw up. Even if you do that subconsciously. Also, I'd imagine you'd make some horrible noises when you were drifting off as all your muscles started to over-relax. Snoring x a thousand.
While I'm here, am I being naive in thinking that if I get SN or N in the post,I can just use a made up name and the cops can't pin it on me?
You can't drive anywhere to jump off cliffs because of lockdown distance restrictions. A deliberate car crash might just fuck you up if you hit a wall at 70mph. Crashing a car is out because you might hurt some innocent bystander too. I've worked with N2 and Helium so could rig up a hypoxic death easily enough if I wasn't on permanent suicide watch at home. Getting the cylinder and regulator into the house would be impossible. Also, hypoxic death needs supervision. Half doing that would really mess you up. You could be left on a terrible state of brain damage. My first attempt was going to be with helium for balloons. I got caught with the receipt - of all things. I did get to trywith the He. I failed to pass out. It was a bit stupid of me not to realise that it's diluted with air to stop you "doing anything stupid". Why is the euphemism for suicide "doing something stupid"? Living a really shitty life with appalling physical health and the crap mental health that follows that is doing something stupid. If only I had access to a shotgun or a 500 foot cliff. I think impulsive, no return suicide is what suits me. Even N which is everyone's favourite method allows you to change your mind and throw up. Even if you do that subconsciously. Also, I'd imagine you'd make some horrible noises when you were drifting off as all your muscles started to over-relax. Snoring x a thousand.
While I'm here, am I being naive in thinking that if I get SN or N in the post,I can just use a made up name and the cops can't pin it on me?
