It’s Goodbye - For I Don’t Know How Long

[Celerity]

I don't want to go. I feel like this is the only place I am understood. At this point, I believe my suicide to be inevitable, but I have decided to push the date out as far as I can for the sake of my family.

I simply can't continue this pseudo double-life. I can't on the one hand make plans for my continued survival like my family expects me to all while consuming and producing all of these ideas about catching the bus.

I want to thank everyone on here who has been a support to me either directly or indirectly. Even just "me too" or "I've been there" replies sometimes meant the world to me, isolated as I am.

I will remain online for the next 48 hours or so. I hope the people that can recover do, and I wish you all peace in whatever your eventual decisions may be. Goodbye, guys!

 

[fly away]

I know how hard it is to hold off, but it sounds like you really thought about this. The family issue has kept me here, too. And I totally understand the "pseudo double-life." It makes me feel crazy.
I know I'll miss your posts, but wish you all the best.

 

[ncmxm]

I have only interacted with you once in one of your threads so it would be presumptuous of me to say that I know you, but I enjoyed reading your post and your other posts too and although I can't say I know you, I will miss you

I'm sorry it has come to this for you, I'm sorry you're in so much pain you want to ctb, I wish I could do something for you

I hope whatever you decide you can feel better

 

[Fragile]

That's sad to hear, but you should do whatever you feel is right. I hope that you can find your existence a little bit more bearable this way.

I can really relate to this thread, to be honest. The feeling of knowing that I'll eventually have to do this to my family is really getting to me, it's becoming unbearable. I'd be lying if I said that doing what you are doing has not crossed my mind. Even though this place offers such a rare outlet for these thoughts, I can't live with both the plans and me constantly pushing the dreaded date.

But I do know that this place will get a lot quieter without your insightful posts.

 

[chocolatebar]

I've not been here for long, but, for the little that we interacted, I already feel like I want to be at your side. I'm gonna miss you!
I wish you the best and that you recover, if it's possible. Don't feel pressed to do anything, be it ctb, not ctb, or giving up on ctb. It's all fine.
And remember: You can always come back, if you feel like so.

I know it's not much, but I will keep your quote as my signature until the end, so that a part of you will stay here.

 

[BottomlessPit]

I simply can't continue this pseudo double-life. I can't on the one hand make plans for my continued survival like my family expects me to all while consuming and producing all of these ideas about catching the bus.

Kinda relatable, I've been thinking about this more and more over the past weeks. I am planning and researching a career that I have no intention to pursue. I only plan it because people around me expect me to, and I guess I need a plan B if I don't manage to ctb for whatever reason. But the more I plan, the more "real" this possibility gets. Now I am in this weird place where I plan for my death and my continued survival at the same time, which messes with my mind.

Being in this twilight state between life and death is stressful and unproductive, so I am glad that you managed to put your focus entirely into one of those goals. You and your contributions to this forum will be missed, but I hope that you have a good run and that life won't pressure you to return to SS & suicide so soon. Good luck :)

(edit: spelling..)

 

[usernamerequired]

I'm wishing you all the best. I can't say that I know you but I have seen your posts and comments all around the forum, so you will surely be missed.
Maybe our paths will cross again, but I am hoping that you will eventually find your peace, whatever that might be.

 

[nex]

I wish you good luck on your journey, follow whatever you think is right for you. I wish that this will not remain the only place where you're understood.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always liked reading your posts. I wish you the best.

 

[Largeletters]

We'll miss you, Celerity, and I hope everything turns out okay in the end for you.

 

[littlelungs]

Your absence will definitely be noticed here, Celerity, but I think it's great that you're doing what you feel is best for you right now. That's not always an easy thing to do, and you have (even more) of my respect for that.

I know it sounds cliche, but from the bottom of my heart, I wish you peace, no matter what. Sending good luck and my support from across the miles, friend.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

You will be missed!

 

[Celerity]

I just wanted to thank you all for your thoughtful replies! Best wishes to you all as well! Thanks again for being there for me.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I just wanted to thank you all for your thoughtful replies! Best wishes to you all as well! Thanks again for being there for me.

I don't understand...Did your thoughts of suicide stop?

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

You always had interesting and touching insights, I loved your sense of humor as well. I hope your time away from SS will be suffering free, and you can find a way to make this absurd thing we call life work out.

 

[motel rooms]

One more reason for me to leave the forum too. Good luck, I hope you find a way to minimize your suffering in this "life"...

 

[sadstargazer231]

So glad that you are making the decision that feels right for you. Wishing you peace in all that is before you and hoping you thrive as you move on.

 

[tardis]

You have been incredibly kind here, and I have found your posts interesting and relatable. I hope things work out for you.

 

[Lmd]

Your posts were entertaining to read. I hope things go as peaceful for you as they can and that you take a long time to come back.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I don't want to go. I feel like this is the only place I am understood. At this point, I believe my suicide to be inevitable, but I have decided to push the date out as far as I can for the sake of my family.

I simply can't continue this pseudo double-life. I can't on the one hand make plans for my continued survival like my family expects me to all while consuming and producing all of these ideas about catching the bus.

I want to thank everyone on here who has been a support to me either directly or indirectly. Even just "me too" or "I've been there" replies sometimes meant the world to me, isolated as I am.

I will remain online for the next 48 hours or so. I hope the people that can recover do, and I wish you all peace in whatever your eventual decisions may be. Goodbye, guys!

Wow, you will be missed here. I relate to wanting to hold off for family because I know it will destroy them

 

[Celerity]

I don't understand...Did your thoughts of suicide stop?

No. It is exactly as I said in my post. I just can't continue staying on here feeding these thoughts if I'm going to drag myself through life for the next few years.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

One of my favorite posters tbh.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sad to see you leave but I'm hoping everything works out for you and you don't have to come back.