it’s getting better

[bear_trapped]

the past 4-5 years of my life have been an awful suicidal mess that i've had to face all on my own. i've lost people that i care about, i'm stuck in a disgusting house that i can't stand, and i had no life purpose at all.

it's all going to be changing soon. i've realized that maybe i don't necessarily want to stop living, i just want to stop living in this horrible house. i'm getting surgery in about 3 weeks that will help me be able to walk without problems for the first time in my life. i'll be able to go back to work after recovery and i'm planning on getting my license and applying to college sometime next year.

i also haven't been as depressed as i usually am lately. i thought it was just a passing moment of happiness and then i'll go back to being suicidal like always, but that feeling hasn't actually came back since i graduated and i think it's finally gone for good. i'm 19 and have a whole life ahead of me, i can leave this all behind and get the help/support i've been needing for so long. i feel like moving out and getting to see a therapist would really help me permanently. i'm grateful for the people i've talked to on here, and i'll still check in from time to time, but i don't think i really need to be here much anymore. i think i'm on the right track to recovering and being happy. i hope everyone here finds their right path, whether it's ctb or recovery.

 

[Daria98765]

glad someone sometimes escapes the shit we live in

 

[Traveler VII]

the past 4-5 years of my life have been an awful suicidal mess that i've had to face all on my own. i've lost people that i care about, i'm stuck in a disgusting house that i can't stand, and i had no life purpose at all.

it's all going to be changing soon. i've realized that maybe i don't necessarily want to stop living, i just want to stop living in this horrible house. i'm getting surgery in about 3 weeks that will help me be able to walk without problems for the first time in my life. i'll be able to go back to work after recovery and i'm planning on getting my license and applying to college sometime next year.

i also haven't been as depressed as i usually am lately. i thought it was just a passing moment of happiness and then i'll go back to being suicidal like always, but that feeling hasn't actually came back since i graduated and i think it's finally gone for good. i'm 19 and have a whole life ahead of me, i can leave this all behind and get the help/support i've been needing for so long. i feel like moving out and getting to see a therapist would really help me permanently. i'm grateful for the people i've talked to on here, and i'll still check in from time to time, but i don't think i really need to be here much anymore. i think i'm on the right track to recovering and being happy. i hope everyone here finds their right path, whether it's ctb or recovery.

Amazing news!

Sometimes a single, positive change can be the catalyst for a renewed outlook.

Wishing you the absolute best in your personal and professional pursuits.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Congratulations

Situations like yours are why I feel many (not all) youthful suicides such tragic losses - when I hear "preventable" I think of these cases. Oftentimes, it seems impossible to imagine a reality other than the only one you've known your whole life, or even any imagined one as unattainable...rightly so, given how hard it is to conceive of something never lived. Escaping that shitty living situation, leaving that small toxic town, getting the kind of support you've never had; these things do have the ability to have a significant impact for young folks whose desire to not live are really tied to changeable external situations. The surgery is a bonus/lucky break.

Wish you the best in the future

 

[Venus13]

This is all so amazing. The surgery, the personal dreams, the change in scenery. Your spirit must be lifted. I grew up in a difficult and disturbing environment so I know the feeling of finally stepping out. I'm happy you have the chance to break free in a healthier environment.

Congratulations on all this, I wish you well on your journey forward. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Zegers]

You have optimism, that's the important thing.

Best wishes